Yeah, I do get it when you say how difficult it is to lose your spouse. I once heard that if you lose a parent you lose the past, if you lose a child you lose the future and if you lose a spouse you lose the present. I think that is why it is so hard because we have to live in the present. Things are so very different and less eventful, I call it the "Afters" club. It changes your perspective on everything. The only way I can deal with it is to take courage from the reality of a loving God who even has a better place for us to be. Anyway hope that helps you keep on.