Losing someone close to you

Grief support: Share your story and learn from others about coping with the loss of someone close to you.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by DEBBIE WRIGHT on February 14, 2012 at 6:00pm

Gloria

I am so very sorry for you loss. My prayers are with you that God will comfort you and walk beside you. Yes our lives change when we lose a child. I like you have good days and bad days. More of my days are crying. I do not think that I have had one day since Oct. 23, that I have not cried. I think that the pain will always be there but as I think we deal with it more in time. It has been such a short time since you sons passing. Your pain is normal. I also like you only have online to help me. I have a 23 year old handicap son. He is also bipolar scitsofrinic (don't know how to spell:) ) and has complusive behavior. He has the mentally of a 3 to 5 year old and i have an age mother I help with. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed because i can't take the time to grieve and it builds up and I start with drawing. I have had to deal with this and as I mentioned to other. I have found that memory albums and writing those special moments down are what keeps me going. I want the world to know my grandson. So cherish the moments of you son and write them down and share them with others even on here but most of all hold them in you heart and cherish them always. God Bless you.

Gloria Callighan said:

Dear Debbie, I am so very very sorry for the loss of your grandson. Oh my how painful your heart must be. I just recently joined because I lost my eldest son (44) to suicide. Every day is so different, don't you find? One day crying, the next sad, lonely, angry, all the emotions come pouring out. I am on here to help others as well as myself by asking the question How does a person move on? I feel quite robotic and numb. He just died on 1.29.12. I could see he was depressed but I didn't know to the extreme for him to kill himself. Debbie your daughter must be in awful awful pain and I pray for her too. Jesus needed a strong little angel in Heaven to fight the little evil ones on earth. But our situations are different. Your daughter survived only to learn her son was killed and now you have lost your only grandson, and what a cutie. Yes it's hard honey I know its hard everyday. Right now I am pissed off. I truly don't know why but things are not working good for me right now. I can only do things online as I have to take care of my mother now for 2 1/2 years as she had a stroke and is bedridden and can't talk. She's always in pain and it hurts her so bad and she can't tell me where and I get very frustrated. I know that when I wake up in the morning I am so lonely, I feel like I'm sitting in a hole. And even though I don't want to and I want to roll back into bed, I have to get up and care for my mom. Maybe between all of us writing in we can somehow help each other to learn how to move forward. Maybe one day our tears will stop and the pain will ease up, but I have other friends who lost loved ones to suicide. One friend said it took her almost 6 years to where now she can smile and have memories. I think we all have to pick something to get our minds off of it. Your sadness is a very bad one, but whose to say one is worse than the other? I keep going over and over in my head the last few words he yelled at me, he said I love you, I'm going to sleep and 17 hours later find him dead in the woods. Then in comes all the fighting and bickering whether to cremate or bury and then the GF steps in where she had no right to be. Now my son leaves behind no wife, no grandchildren for me, no pets. Just his 6.1 big body in a 5 x 8 box. I feel like I need to go visit his grave but there isn't any and it hurts so much. My living son Eric is overwrought with despair. He was close to my 44 yr old even though they were 7 years apart. I will read your daughter's blog. For now I will sign off but keep writing. I never understood how a parent can kill their child/children/grandchildren. My heart wrenches for you and your family and you will always be remembered in our prayers. Keep in touch please.

Permalink Reply by Gloria Callighan on February 14, 2012 at 10:26pm

Dear Debbie, are you receiving any inhouse aides to help you care for your son and your aged mother? I am very very sorry that your son has those conditions. In a way I think is God's blessing that his age is only 3-5 where he cannot truly understand what his body/moods are. Unless of course, I could be completely wrong, as you are his mother. Did this start at birth? I pray your daughter is doing better and you as well. My mom is strictly on Medicaid and I get out of the house 7 hours a week and 2 hours from Interfaith Caregivers. My mom is bedridden, so they just keep an eye out etc. The aides from Medicaid (LIFE @ St. Francis) Trenton, NJ are great and they do games and watch TV and feed her and I get to go out more and see the world, as painful as my heart is, and it's always going to be painful, I still have to go out. I don't look happy, I am not, but try to be pleasant to other people. Even if I give a 1/2 smile to someone it kinda lifts my moods. I'm making an inhouse memorial of all the cards, and pics I have of my son. They will hang on these walls until I move and then hang on the next walls of wherever I am headed. I was always taught that if you kill yourself you go straight to hell. That night my priest came over and through my bawling tears I said Father is he going to hell? And Father Vince said no my dear he is not. God is so much more than we ever thought he could be. I like that and will always remember that. So at the time of his death I did feel him rise to heaven. My dad is there with my family and friends so I'm sure my son Mike is with his Pop-Pop. I've had one contact from my son, as I truly believe in connecting with the spirits from the other side. I'm now waiting for another contact. Yesterday was a big big crying day and this morning, what a headache. But it was meant to be. Today was better, just robotic and numb as usual. I will pray for you and your family. Keep in touch, Much Love. Gloria

Permalink Reply by Candy O'lynn on March 2, 2012 at 1:18am

I just found out today that a friend I haven't spoken to in years died. I have not seen him in such a long time that no one told me until weeks after his death. They assumed I just didn't care, but I do care. A lot. I had to put distance between us because of substances. He had cleaned up, I thought, and I asked after him last month. I always wanted him to have some peace in this life. The police still are not sure if it was suicide or homicide. He was just in his thirties.. too young to die. I suppose the reason I am typing this is to say what I have to say with out hurting anyone. I feel so hollow in my grief, i don't even know if its reasonable for me to be so sad about losing someone I truly lost long ago.

Permalink Reply by Janet Mitchley on March 2, 2012 at 3:49am

Hello. I understand what you are feeling. I had to find out the hard way when we take someone out of our lives we don't get to decide what comes back in. I am sure his people knew what came between the two of you, They had so much to deal with that people not around in his life took a back seat. So say a prayer for his family and go on with your life. Don't be any sence of the word contact his familly and ask questions. thats hard enough on them as it is. Learn from this what and if anything can be learned. In their place I wouldn't go out looking for people who was not in his life. Please think of them. When 2 of my family members died it made me so mad all the people who didn't help or spend time wiith them came out of the woodwork. Many wanted things of theirs. It really set my blood boiling. Thats the basic of my anwer. You already said good bye years ago. We don't get to pick when people die, we do pick what we did or said in the past. and to many don't stick to that when someone dies.

Candy O'lynn said:

I just found out today that a friend I haven't spoken to in years died. I have not seen him in such a long time that no one told me until weeks after his death. They assumed I just didn't care, but I do care. A lot. I had to put distance between us because of substances. He had cleaned up, I thought, and I asked after him last month. I always wanted him to have some peace in this life. The police still are not sure if it was suicide or homicide. He was just in his thirties.. too young to die. I suppose the reason I am typing this is to say what I have to say with out hurting anyone. I feel so hollow in my grief, i don't even know if its reasonable for me to be so sad about losing someone I truly lost long ago.

Permalink Reply by Diamond on March 31, 2012 at 12:11pm

Candy,

I do understand your position. Sometimes, due to situation that is extremely stressful or unhealthy causes us to make decisions just to maintain our sanity. On the outside - people would judge when the day comes and they are no longer around and say that "you appear not to care." - but that is the key - appear - no one can say what is on our heart. Sometimes, we put distance in certain relationships just to maintain our sanity. Only God can judge (Matthew 7:1)

Candy, I have seen this happen on so many different ocassions and for various reason. Sometimes, from the one we care about and other times we distant ourselves due to their outside influences and span of unhealthy associates. Either way, we all have the right to choose what is healthy for our well being. So, you are normal to feel a lost - probably with a lot of "what if." Go through the emotional journey and truly feel what you are feeling so it does not linger on indefinitely. You should not feel guilty but treasure those memories that are near and dear to your heart. You have the right to feel what ever is in your heart and to talk to God about it. I hope this helped a little.

Permalink Reply by marilyn cunningham on April 3, 2012 at 4:03pm

i lost my husband after 40 years of knowing and loving him to acute myliod lukemia. we found out it july 2011 and in jan 2012 he was gone. he fought a good fight but the LORD still took him. We prayed faithfully but the LORD still took him

Permalink Reply by Diamond on June 19, 2012 at 10:22pm

Hello Marilyn,

I hear your pain and your sadness with what happen to your husband. I lost my Dad and I begged God to keep him here - just one more day. However, my Dad was in so much pain emotionally and physically that one more day would have been too much for him to handle in his situation. He was always an independent man - strong and totally self-reliant. When he was at the point where he could not do for himself anymore - he could not handle it. It was not life to him. However, for me - I just wanted him there. The quality of his life was different and one that he resented due to his inability to be mobile.

I prayed and I understood why he could not and should not have remained any longer. God is love - it is just that our first parents brough sin into this world which has resulted in death. Death is the enemy of mankind and nothing can shake the pain associated with loosing someone we truly love. However, if you believe in God - you will know that there is a hope for us to see our love ones again. Please do not give up on God. (1 John 4:8)

marilyn cunningham said:

i lost my husband after 40 years of knowing and loving him to acute myliod lukemia. we found out it july 2011 and in jan 2012 he was gone. he fought a good fight but the LORD still took him. We prayed faithfully but the LORD still took him

Permalink Reply by Hallie on June 28, 2012 at 8:17am

I had lost both my grandfathers when I was in my early teens and the loss of my grandmother was five years ago. I used to speak with her nightly on the phone and it is by far the most difficult loss I've had to deal with. I miss her every day of my life. I don't know as that you truly get over losing someone that was so much a part of you. I do have some of her ashes and my grandfather's ashes hanging in an angel pendant on my rearview mirror and I love it. Makes me feel like they're with me.