Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Anita Simmons on November 4, 2009 at 10:17pm

I am so sorry. I know exactly how you are feeling. That day was not a good day for either of us. That's the same day I lost my fiance, home, life, EVERYTHING. As I read your story it felt like me talking in the way your feeling, God and your daughter taking care of you and such. I wish I could help you. I do day to day also and it seems to never end. I finally changed my sheets and cleaned a little. His wardrobe is still mine. I'm strying to get with a support group and I talk to my dad all the time. Eating? What's that? Sleep? Not much. Your not alone, I promise. I just speak to myself as if it were Malcolm speaking to me. He always said, "get after it, honey" So for him, I will, cause he wouldn't want me sad. It doesn't stop the crying. Give yourself time to grieve. No one is expecting you to be anything but human. Be brave, try to stay strong and force yourself to do as you would if he were there. Hard, I know. My heart goes out to you.

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on November 5, 2009 at 1:33am

I know it's hard. I'm so sorry for your loss. There are days I want to go running down the street screaming my husband's name. It's been a little over two months alone for me after 29 years of being joined at the hip with my wonderful man, and everyday is a chore to exist, but I do because he would want me to.

Permalink Reply by Denise MacCallum on November 5, 2009 at 11:11am

I lost my husband 2 weeks ago ..He got sick around the end of July..We had been together for 40 years...He was the love of my life....We didn't have anytime to be together because the cancer began to rob him of his life....The man who used to hold me in his arms so tight was slipping away little by little....I don't think that I can make it...It's just too hard without him....I do have the most wonderful daughter, son-in-law and 3 beautiful grandchildren but the pain of lossing my husband is just overwhelming....We were very young when we got married and of course thought it would last forever....He told me to go on without him...I promised that I would but their are days that going on is just impossible...

Permalink Reply by Missmylove47 on November 5, 2009 at 6:54pm

Hi Anita,

Thanks for your reply I do appreciate and need it more than ever. When did your fiance passed away?
Just hang there, trust God everything happens for a reason, sometimes God put us in a very difficult times to test our faith. Let he guide you.God is beside you
even if cannot see it. You need to take care of yourself, eat, sleep, and take your meds if any.Only today 10 days after my husband died I changed our bed sheets
and placed some of his clothes in another room. I just can't sleep in our bed I sleep down stairs in the sofa located at family room.
I am sure that your fiance from the heaven wants you to take care of yourself, and move on. I know how hard it is...it feels that I lost the light that keep me alive and happy. My home feel so different without my beloved husband. He was my happiness in every second of my life, we used to cry and laugh together even at very difficult times that we went through. Try to think about good times you and your fiance shared together.
I am here if you need someone to talk. Be strong and May God bless you!

Anita Simmons said:

I am so sorry. I know exactly how you are feeling. That day was not a good day for either of us. That's the same day I lost my fiance, home, life, EVERYTHING. As I read your story it felt like me talking in the way your feeling, God and your daughter taking care of you and such. I wish I could help you. I do day to day also and it seems to never end. I finally changed my sheets and cleaned a little. His wardrobe is still mine. I'm strying to get with a support group and I talk to my dad all the time. Eating? What's that? Sleep? Not much. Your not alone, I promise. I just speak to myself as if it were Malcolm speaking to me. He always said, "get after it, honey" So for him, I will, cause he wouldn't want me sad. It doesn't stop the crying. Give yourself time to grieve. No one is expecting you to be anything but human. Be brave, try to stay strong and force yourself to do as you would if he were there. Hard, I know. My heart goes out to you.

Permalink Reply by Anita Simmons on November 5, 2009 at 10:23pm

Hi! My Malcolm Died at app. 12:42 my time on Oct 26th 2009 from a plane crash in Corpus Christi, Tx. My heart breaks cause for the first time he wasn't enjoying his hunting trip. He wanting to be home so he chose to fly on a private jet getting to me just a half hr earlier then the flight he was schedule on with Southwest yet over an extra hr away from home. Malcolm side of the bed is where I live. His recliner is where I watch tv, if I'm not in bed, and his shirts are what I wear. I've tried going to "Harmony Farms" a non-profit organization he had started (horses for the handicapped) yet it hurts too much having the memories of him and I there just a week before he left. I no what you feel when you say the light in your life is gone. We had a beautiful home, property we bought and had many plans for us in Tn. and so many dreams and now their all gone. We weren't married so when he died it all went to his kids. We traveled everywhere together, played, laughed, and really knew how to love each other and love on each other. I can't seem to pray to God just yet but I have a lot of people who pray for me. I'm angry. Malcolm had a very hard life and when he's finally happy God takes him. I have gone to church twice and I talk to Malcolm all the time. Hospice is going to start coming for grief counceling and the church does too. The pain can't go away quick enough. I'm only 41 yrs old (oct 27th was my birthday) and I lost the love of my life. There are so many yrs before I see him again. My cowboy, my true love.

I wish that I could help you. Maybe us just talking will help. How is your eating? Sleep? Energy? Try your bed. You were in your closes moments there. It may offer comfort.

God bless for replying.
Missmylove47 said:

Hi Anita,

Thanks for your reply I do appreciate and need it more than ever. When did your fiance passed away?
Just hang there, trust God everything happens for a reason, sometimes God put us in a very difficult times to test our faith. Let he guide you.God is beside you
even if cannot see it. You need to take care of yourself, eat, sleep, and take your meds if any.Only today 10 days after my husband died I changed our bed sheets
and placed some of his clothes in another room. I just can't sleep in our bed I sleep down stairs in the sofa located at family room.
I am sure that your fiance from the heaven wants you to take care of yourself, and move on. I know how hard it is...it feels that I lost the light that keep me alive and happy. My home feel so different without my beloved husband. He was my happiness in every second of my life, we used to cry and laugh together even at very difficult times that we went through. Try to think about good times you and your fiance shared together.
I am here if you need someone to talk. Be strong and May God bless you!

Anita Simmons said:

I am so sorry. I know exactly how you are feeling. That day was not a good day for either of us. That's the same day I lost my fiance, home, life, EVERYTHING. As I read your story it felt like me talking in the way your feeling, God and your daughter taking care of you and such. I wish I could help you. I do day to day also and it seems to never end. I finally changed my sheets and cleaned a little. His wardrobe is still mine. I'm strying to get with a support group and I talk to my dad all the time. Eating? What's that? Sleep? Not much. Your not alone, I promise. I just speak to myself as if it were Malcolm speaking to me. He always said, "get after it, honey" So for him, I will, cause he wouldn't want me sad. It doesn't stop the crying. Give yourself time to grieve. No one is expecting you to be anything but human. Be brave, try to stay strong and force yourself to do as you would if he were there. Hard, I know. My heart goes out to you.

Permalink Reply by Missmylove47 on November 6, 2009 at 6:42pm

Hi Anita, How are you today? Hope feeling better. I know it is hard, I am just hanging here too. Your fiancee just passed away the same day my husband did, October 26, 2009. He passed away about 5:15am eastern time. I brought home the shirt, undershirt and socks that he were using at time of his death. When I finally back home from hospital around 10:00am, I got one of his shirts and keeped with me, smelling it and crying. I placed his wedding band in my right hand finger(now is on my necklace together with a cross) Anita, I know that right now you most be upset with God, I did too, believe me God loves us so much that he understand that too. But you know what...........Don't do it! Only God give us strenght in such a difficult time. Soon after my husband died, I was very confused, numb and angry. So one day I was so desperate that I looked at the blue sky, an tried to reach my husband with my hands but he was just not there. I was feeling lonely miserable. At that momment I decide so badly that I need to go to a local church(a church we used to go together when we were dating) I talked to a pastor in the church I mentioned to him how angry I was to God for taking my husband away from me so sudden the love of my life. Oh boy..I was a mess, like nothing couldn't confort me. I just wanted my John. The pastor explained to me, that each of us have time to born and die. Since the momment we born God has a book written for us. This book have the date of our birth, all our live beggining to end. Also don't forget everything happens for a reason. Have you be thinking about that God has another plan for your? If not do so.....I am sure he does. You are just 40 years old. I am 47(just turned last May). I decided today to throw away the shirt,undershirt, and socks my husband died wearing. I have to let him go, he is not among me anymore, HE DIED!!!
He is at heaven, the same with your fiancee. You have to let him go and rest, and find strenght to go on with your life. Try to not use his shirt anymore, pray for him. But you only YOU, know when it's time to do that. I am trying to accept the reality as hard it sounds. I have a daughter who is teenager who needs a MOM. Also I need take care of my health, so I have to be strong. About my eat and sleep habits......sometimes I don't feel want to eat but I have too(I have diabetes type II) sleep I using tranquilizer, and depressant prescriped by my doctor. I try to focus in my future. The only thing I can't do yet is, sleep in our king size bed......my house has two floors our bedroom is upstairs, I don't like to go upstairs alone even to use the bathroom. My daughter goes with me....I don't know why I just have the impression that I will see him. I am afraid of it. We were very close together. Like you and Malcolm. Do me a favor....forgive God, because he knows what is better for us.....trust him. Go to church or chapel and light candles for your loved Malcolm. He only will rest in peace if you let him go. I know it sounds very difficult right now as to me as well. Also I think enjoying the "Harmony Farms" that he created will keep his legacy and memories alive It will be good for you as well. Take day by day....pray....believe....take care of yourself, see a doctor if you need to maybe you need some medication to help you feel better. How long were you both together? Do you have any kids?
How old was he?
Anita wish I could help you, I am sending you a big hug....I am here and my heart goes out for you, I understand your pain.....it's ok to feel it....is part of grief. Do you have a pet dog? I do have 4 little white poodles. Pets is a good therapy. You are not alone okay....I am here!
I pray for you. Be strong.....time is the best healer.
Good bless you and give you strenght.

Take care of yourself :) Talk to you soon!

Anita Simmons said:

Hi! My Malcolm Died at app. 12:42 my time on Oct 26th 2009 from a plane crash in Corpus Christi, Tx. My heart breaks cause for the first time he wasn't enjoying his hunting trip. He wanting to be home so he chose to fly on a private jet getting to me just a half hr earlier then the flight he was schedule on with Southwest yet over an extra hr away from home. Malcolm side of the bed is where I live. His recliner is where I watch tv, if I'm not in bed, and his shirts are what I wear. I've tried going to "Harmony Farms" a non-profit organization he had started (horses for the handicapped) yet it hurts too much having the memories of him and I there just a week before he left. I no what you feel when you say the light in your life is gone. We had a beautiful home, property we bought and had many plans for us in Tn. and so many dreams and now their all gone. We weren't married so when he died it all went to his kids. We traveled everywhere together, played, laughed, and really knew how to love each other and love on each other. I can't seem to pray to God just yet but I have a lot of people who pray for me. I'm angry. Malcolm had a very hard life and when he's finally happy God takes him. I have gone to church twice and I talk to Malcolm all the time. Hospice is going to start coming for grief counceling and the church does too. The pain can't go away quick enough. I'm only 41 yrs old (oct 27th was my birthday) and I lost the love of my life. There are so many yrs before I see him again. My cowboy, my true love.

I wish that I could help you. Maybe us just talking will help. How is your eating? Sleep? Energy? Try your bed. You were in your closes moments there. It may offer comfort.

God bless for replying.
Missmylove47 said:

Hi Anita,

Thanks for your reply I do appreciate and need it more than ever. When did your fiance passed away?
Just hang there, trust God everything happens for a reason, sometimes God put us in a very difficult times to test our faith. Let he guide you.God is beside you
even if cannot see it. You need to take care of yourself, eat, sleep, and take your meds if any.Only today 10 days after my husband died I changed our bed sheets
and placed some of his clothes in another room. I just can't sleep in our bed I sleep down stairs in the sofa located at family room.
I am sure that your fiance from the heaven wants you to take care of yourself, and move on. I know how hard it is...it feels that I lost the light that keep me alive and happy. My home feel so different without my beloved husband. He was my happiness in every second of my life, we used to cry and laugh together even at very difficult times that we went through. Try to think about good times you and your fiance shared together.
I am here if you need someone to talk. Be strong and May God bless you!

Anita Simmons said:

I am so sorry. I know exactly how you are feeling. That day was not a good day for either of us. That's the same day I lost my fiance, home, life, EVERYTHING. As I read your story it felt like me talking in the way your feeling, God and your daughter taking care of you and such. I wish I could help you. I do day to day also and it seems to never end. I finally changed my sheets and cleaned a little. His wardrobe is still mine. I'm strying to get with a support group and I talk to my dad all the time. Eating? What's that? Sleep? Not much. Your not alone, I promise. I just speak to myself as if it were Malcolm speaking to me. He always said, "get after it, honey" So for him, I will, cause he wouldn't want me sad. It doesn't stop the crying. Give yourself time to grieve. No one is expecting you to be anything but human. Be brave, try to stay strong and force yourself to do as you would if he were there. Hard, I know. My heart goes out to you.

Permalink Reply by Missmylove47 on November 6, 2009 at 7:02pm

Dear Denise,

Please don't give up! Your mission is not over yet....we all have a mission in this life your husband just finished his. Remember when he asked you to go on without him? It was his whish and legacy. I know how you feel, after 29 years together. But remember he is NOT suffering anymore, no more pain. He is in heaven with our dear God. Also you have one wonderful daughter and three grandchildren who is part of your beloved husband too. Think about it. They need you. Be strong have faith. I know you miss his arms around you, his touch. Like the same here, I just lost the most loving and affectionate person in my life, my husband John on October 26, 2009. tomorrow will be 1 week since I buried him. Each day is very hard to deal with. his memory still very alive. But I am trying and have to be strong for me and my daughter who needs MOM. He is gone is not long here among us. One day we will see each other again in heaven. You must and should go on. I know you can you are a strong woman I can tell. Trust God Denise. Be kind and caring with yourself. Promise?
I am praying for you. I am here if you need to talk to. You're not alone.
God bless you and give you strenght. I am sending you a big hug.

Denise said:

I lost my husband 2 weeks ago ..He got sick around the end of July..We had been together for 40 years...He was the love of my life....We didn't have anytime to be together because the cancer began to rob him of his life....The man who used to hold me in his arms so tight was slipping away little by little....I don't think that I can make it...It's just too hard without him....I do have the most wonderful daughter, son-in-law and 3 beautiful grandchildren but the pain of lossing my husband is just overwhelming....We were very young when we got married and of course thought it would last forever....He told me to go on without him...I promised that I would but their are days that going on is just impossible...

Permalink Reply by Missmylove47 on November 6, 2009 at 7:06pm

Denise I am sorry in my previous reply to you I mentioned that you and your husband were 29 years together.....instead of 40. again sorry for the mistake!

Love & peace

Missmylove47 said:

Dear Denise,

Please don't give up! Your mission is not over yet....we all have a mission in this life your husband just finished his. Remember when he asked you to go on without him? It was his whish and legacy. I know how you feel, after 29 years together. But remember he is NOT suffering anymore, no more pain. He is in heaven with our dear God. Also you have one wonderful daughter and three grandchildren who is part of your beloved husband too. Think about it. They need you. Be strong have faith. I know you miss his arms around you, his touch. Like the same here, I just lost the most loving and affectionate person in my life, my husband John on October 26, 2009. tomorrow will be 1 week since I buried him. Each day is very hard to deal with. his memory still very alive. But I am trying and have to be strong for me and my daughter who needs MOM. He is gone is not long here among us. One day we will see each other again in heaven. You must and should go on. I know you can you are a strong woman I can tell. Trust God Denise. Be kind and caring with yourself. Promise?
I am praying for you. I am here if you need to talk to. You're not alone.
God bless you and give you strenght. I am sending you a big hug.

Denise said:

I lost my husband 2 weeks ago ..He got sick around the end of July..We had been together for 40 years...He was the love of my life....We didn't have anytime to be together because the cancer began to rob him of his life....The man who used to hold me in his arms so tight was slipping away little by little....I don't think that I can make it...It's just too hard without him....I do have the most wonderful daughter, son-in-law and 3 beautiful grandchildren but the pain of lossing my husband is just overwhelming....We were very young when we got married and of course thought it would last forever....He told me to go on without him...I promised that I would but their are days that going on is just impossible...

Permalink Reply by Missmylove47 on November 6, 2009 at 7:25pm

Hi Linda,

Thanks for your reply. I sure need help at this very difficult time. I am sorry for your loss too, must be very hard after 29 years together. I just lost my husband the love of my life on October 26, 2009 we were 10 yrs together. He was the most caring, loving and affectionate man than I ever met. He would give me a dozen kisses a day, and tell me how beautiful and how much he loved me every single day. I miss his kiss, his touch, his beautiful hazel eyes looking at me. Oh his sweet smile. I understand how you feel Linda. take day by day. Yes, you have to be strong he finished his mission in this life.....we don't. One or 2 days after my husband died I looked at the blue sky and was trying to reach him with my hands.....calling his name .....but he was not there. He is gone!
You should accept that he is not long among us. I am trying to. I have to let him go in order to him to rest in peace. Try to do the same.....time is best time to heal remember. Also pray and light candles for him.
I am sending your a big hug.....you are not alone ok. If need someone to talk to.
I am praying for you.....God bless you! hanging in there Linda :)

Linda said:

I know it's hard. I'm so sorry for your loss. There are days I want to go running down the street screaming my husband's name. It's been a little over two months alone for me after 29 years of being joined at the hip with my wonderful man, and everyday is a chore to exist, but I do because he would want me to.

Permalink Reply by Anita Simmons on November 8, 2009 at 1:00am

I come on here every night looking for advice and some support and you have been that. You seem to be doing ok yesturday and you sound like you have a better understanding. I struggle wanting to know what he is doing up in heaven. Can he hear out thoughts, our conversations to them? I kind of hope not for I have been confessing to wrong doings and apologizing for hurting him, not understand him. Malcolm was 57 and I turned 41 the day after he died. He was coming home for my birthday for he was always gone. All my children are grown and we never had any togehter. He was raising his ex-girlfriends son and it was very difficult for she is a very angry woman who refused to allow me around her son. Malcolm had a had time living two lives. We were together for 4 yrs with one very hard year. things with great for the last 2. We bought property to move to Tn, made plans and dreams together and traveled everywhere together. He lived life to the fullest and shared it with me. I loved that about him. He made me feel like a princess. Never afraid to show his affection. I never have felt so loved, desired and needed. I too wonder how I could ever love again. If it wasn't for my daughter moving in and my amazing dog (Sami, yorkie/sh tzu mix) I'd be a mess at home. I haven't medicted myself except the first few days for I am seeking God to pull me thru this. I haven't been able to give any of his things away yet for I have lied to the family that I have items they want and now I have to hummble myself, tell the truth and give them to them. His shirts are still my wardrobe at times, not as much today. I'm trying. You are a great help to me and I know I'm not much to you. I hope one day I can be. I'll be praying for us and will continue to have faith in God.
Missmylove47 said:

Dear Denise,

Please don't give up! Your mission is not over yet....we all have a mission in this life your husband just finished his. Remember when he asked you to go on without him? It was his whish and legacy. I know how you feel, after 29 years together. But remember he is NOT suffering anymore, no more pain. He is in heaven with our dear God. Also you have one wonderful daughter and three grandchildren who is part of your beloved husband too. Think about it. They need you. Be strong have faith. I know you miss his arms around you, his touch. Like the same here, I just lost the most loving and affectionate person in my life, my husband John on October 26, 2009. tomorrow will be 1 week since I buried him. Each day is very hard to deal with. his memory still very alive. But I am trying and have to be strong for me and my daughter who needs MOM. He is gone is not long here among us. One day we will see each other again in heaven. You must and should go on. I know you can you are a strong woman I can tell. Trust God Denise. Be kind and caring with yourself. Promise?
I am praying for you. I am here if you need to talk to. You're not alone.
God bless you and give you strenght. I am sending you a big hug.

Denise said:

I lost my husband 2 weeks ago ..He got sick around the end of July..We had been together for 40 years...He was the love of my life....We didn't have anytime to be together because the cancer began to rob him of his life....The man who used to hold me in his arms so tight was slipping away little by little....I don't think that I can make it...It's just too hard without him....I do have the most wonderful daughter, son-in-law and 3 beautiful grandchildren but the pain of lossing my husband is just overwhelming....We were very young when we got married and of course thought it would last forever....He told me to go on without him...I promised that I would but their are days that going on is just impossible...

Permalink Reply by Missmylove47 on November 8, 2009 at 5:55pm

Hi Anita,

How are you doing? Yesterday I was having a very bad day, crying most of time. Fortunately, I am under medication anti-anxiety, and antidepressant. My doctor think that I should take it for now, I am experiencing such a hard time. Some days I miss him more than others. My daughter is worring about me, she got upset that my husband nephew sent us a sympathy card together with old pictures of my John(It made me feel more depressed and cry all the time) She said next time she will pick up the phone and tell them to not send me anymore picture of him. My sweet daughter is my angel, she the most precious gift from God. I love her so much, she is trying to protect me from pain. I can undertand that. Most be hard to her see her mother cry. She is the reason I keep going, and over course God. Yesterday, I prayed for Archangel Michael and God for guidance. Today I woke up feeling much better, no tears yet :)
Anita, by the way my name is Olivia. I am glad that I am able to help you somehow, I understand your pain believe me. Everyday with someone we loved so much, someone that we shared our body and soul, dreams and hope. Suddenly is gone leaving us alone. It hurts a lot. Specially when is a unexpected death like your fiance and my husband. You sounds doing much better, and accepting that Malcolm is not longer with you in this world. Yes, I think he can hear your voice and prayers, but remember is not good you call him all the time, or keep all he belongs just for yourself and not let it go. He lives in heaven now in a spiritual world, you need to let his spirit to rest in peace. By seeing you be so attached and suffering to him, he will not rest. He lived his life the way he wanted, happy traveling everywhere and he shared it with you Anita. Try to remember the good times you both shared together. Nobody can take this from you, he always will
live in your heart and memories. See you have something to keep you going on, your kids and your pet .....and God :) You're not alone dear.....your kids need mother even there are adults now, they love you TOO!
Sorry to hear that you lost the house, was it only under his name OR jointed with you?
Was his time to go......only God knows why. Trust God ok. Take day by day.
Are you taking care of yourself? eating, sleeping?
Remember you still alive. Oh thanks for share with me Malcolm's picture he looks very nice. You should remember him this way! Oh yes, you have been helping me just by replying back to me.....thanks for being there :)

Where are you from?

I am praying for both of us too.....God will give us strenght. Just hanging in there. God bless you!



Missmylove47 said:

Hi Anita,

Thanks for your reply I do appreciate and need it more than ever. When did your fiance passed away?
Just hang there, trust God everything happens for a reason, sometimes God put us in a very difficult times to test our faith. Let he guide you.God is beside you
even if cannot see it. You need to take care of yourself, eat, sleep, and take your meds if any.Only today 10 days after my husband died I changed our bed sheets
and placed some of his clothes in another room. I just can't sleep in our bed I sleep down stairs in the sofa located at family room.
I am sure that your fiance from the heaven wants you to take care of yourself, and move on. I know how hard it is...it feels that I lost the light that keep me alive and happy. My home feel so different without my beloved husband. He was my happiness in every second of my life, we used to cry and laugh together even at very difficult times that we went through. Try to think about good times you and your fiance shared together.
I am here if you need someone to talk. Be strong and May God bless you!

Anita Simmons said:

I am so sorry. I know exactly how you are feeling. That day was not a good day for either of us. That's the same day I lost my fiance, home, life, EVERYTHING. As I read your story it felt like me talking in the way your feeling, God and your daughter taking care of you and such. I wish I could help you. I do day to day also and it seems to never end. I finally changed my sheets and cleaned a little. His wardrobe is still mine. I'm strying to get with a support group and I talk to my dad all the time. Eating? What's that? Sleep? Not much. Your not alone, I promise. I just speak to myself as if it were Malcolm speaking to me. He always said, "get after it, honey" So for him, I will, cause he wouldn't want me sad. It doesn't stop the crying. Give yourself time to grieve. No one is expecting you to be anything but human. Be brave, try to stay strong and force yourself to do as you would if he were there. Hard, I know. My heart goes out to you.

Permalink Reply by Sandy Bernard on November 9, 2009 at 1:31pm

I lost the love of my life husband October 18. We were fishing when he became ill and I drove our RV to the hospital 6 hours away. He lived 2 weeks after that but most of that time he was good. It was the last 48 hours that it turned bad. Like you my husband had kidney failure but had a kidney transplant 2 years ago from his son. He had a great heart but had multiple close calls over the past 7 years, pacemaker, heart valve, etc.
Part of me knew that this day would come another part didn't want to face it. We had been together for 30 years overcoming the blended family syndrome and learned to live life to the fullest.

I miss him everyday. I cry each and everyday when I find a pair of glasses, a hankie he had on the sofa, etc. Then I thank God I had him in my life. That is what will keep me going and keep me enjoying life.

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