Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Andria on September 12, 2009 at 12:21am

oh. im sorry, i feel bad. how old was your son when he passed away? i'm 17 years old. i'll be 18 in february. i have a big heart. you do too, i can tell. these memories are strong. they will never disapear. i dont know if i told you yet but my sister is the one im worried about. my grandpa died from cancer but she believes that when he fell in the bathroom that he died than. she gave him CPR that morning at about 5 am. he died in the ambulance and got brought back for 15 seconds and died again. he said somethings to my sister before he died. my sister wont tell anyone what he said. her and my grandma were standing right there and called the ambulance. she is holding a huge thing on her shoulders. when god calls your name and its your time theres nothing that could change that. my sister is 20 years old. she has a lot of years ahead of her. she doesnt need to hold all of that with her. right?

Permalink Reply by Wendy on September 12, 2009 at 7:27am

Hi Andria,
I had to get some sleep, I don't know where you live, But I live in Maine. And I'm not as young as you, my son wasn't as young as you, Matthew was just 30, three months before he died. He's got an older brother Brain who's 35 now, and has my 2 grandchildren. Sarah is 7 and Tristan is 4, they use to call Matthew "uncle Bubbles" One day, Sarah wrote a letter, tied it to a balloon, and let it go, When my daughter in law ask her why she let her balloon go, she said, I'm sending Uncle Bubbles a letter (Air Mail). I'll never forget that, We all have our way of dealing with greif. and that was my granddaughters.
Your sister has something she she wants to hold dear to her heart, then let her, When she's ready to share it, I'm sure she will, It hasn't been long for you both, and it takes time to deal with your emotions. You will see your grandfather again one day in heaven. Keep the faith and if you want to write me on my email, it's wlacroix@metrocast.net. It's good talking with you. thank you for your trust in me. God bless you and your sister, Your whole family will be in my prayers.
love,
Wendy

Permalink Reply by Andria on September 12, 2009 at 4:53pm

thank you for understanding where i'm coming from. i live in illinois. i heard a story where a girl let a balloon go with a letter attached. i dont remember what that girls name was but the person that found the balloon had the exact same name as the girl who let it go. the got in contact with each other and became very close friends. its weird, being friends with a girl that has the same first and last name as you. i wont force my sister to tell me what my grandpa said to her. i will let it go. god and her are the only ones that will know what he said to her. it must have been deep because when i asked what he had told her all she did was stared in the distance and got teary eyed. i hugged her and told her Aleisha, you dont have to tell me what he said. the last thing i said to my grandpa was...i love you. goodnight...at his wake the last thing i said to him before i walked away for the last time was...i love you..goodnight grandpa...see you soon. i feel like i keep reliving the past and not letting it go. i wish i could but its so hard. its easier to hold onto things than let them go. thats my goal. i wish i could manage it. i will most deffinately email you. my email is pretypink21@yahoo.com

Permalink Reply by Wendy on September 13, 2009 at 8:20am

Hi Andria,
I wrote back my your email address, did you get it? Maybe you should email me first so I know I have your email correct. my email is wlacroix@metrocast.net.
Wendy

Andria said:

thank you for understanding where i'm coming from. i live in illinois. i heard a story where a girl let a balloon go with a letter attached. i dont remember what that girls name was but the person that found the balloon had the exact same name as the girl who let it go. the got in contact with each other and became very close friends. its weird, being friends with a girl that has the same first and last name as you. i wont force my sister to tell me what my grandpa said to her. i will let it go. god and her are the only ones that will know what he said to her. it must have been deep because when i asked what he had told her all she did was stared in the distance and got teary eyed. i hugged her and told her Aleisha, you dont have to tell me what he said. the last thing i said to my grandpa was...i love you. goodnight...at his wake the last thing i said to him before i walked away for the last time was...i love you..goodnight grandpa...see you soon. i feel like i keep reliving the past and not letting it go. i wish i could but its so hard. its easier to hold onto things than let them go. thats my goal. i wish i could manage it. i will most deffinately email you. my email is pretypink21@yahoo.com

Permalink Reply by Andria on September 13, 2009 at 4:26pm

ok. ill email you first.

Permalink Reply by Sandra T. on December 28, 2009 at 7:12am

My son is 8 yrs old and his Dad passed away September 10 of this yr. He hasn't cried for him doesn't talk to me about him and well I guess my question is "is this normal?" I'm not sure what I'm suppose to do. I don't know if he just holds it all in because I can't seem to keep it together when he's mentioned, or if he's not really letting settle in

Permalink Reply by Megan on February 13, 2010 at 9:19am

I'm 14 and lossed my mommy April 5 is it normal to go through regression at my age? I mean like wetting bed and sucking my thumb in my sleep? Dose anyone have advise

Permalink Reply by Dane R P on July 20, 2010 at 5:55pm

The first encounter I had with death - at least from the farthest back that I could remember - was that of my grandmother's. She's one of the many people who took care of my sister and me from when we were born. We have good memories of her: she taught me how to whistle :) But I can also still recall how we found out that she was no longer with us. One of her children came in to check on her as she was sleeping, only to discover that she had stopped breathing. An ambulance came and confirmed that she had passed away. I knew what death was, but at 6 years of age, I still couldn't quite comprehend what had happened. During her funeral, I didn't shed a tear. It may be because of not fully understanding that she was really gone. But I was also given a spiritual treasure by my mother - the Bible's hope of a resurrection - and I believe that this was what comforted me and my family through the loss of my grandmother. I know one day, "all those in the memorial tombs will hear Jesus' voice and come out" (John 5:28, 29). I'm very thankful for knowing that Jehovah God is "yearning" to raise the dead back to life on a paradise earth (Job 14:14,15). Then when that day comes, I can welcome my grandmother back with open arms!

Permalink Reply by genevieve russell on December 13, 2011 at 9:19pm

I found my daughter in my apartment on thanksgiving night. She died of a drug overdose. She was

24yrs old. How do I tell her 4 yr old daughter that her mommy is gone and not coming back?

Gen

Permalink Reply by T.C. Goodwin on July 29, 2012 at 7:04am

1) Don't hold back your tears (John 11:35)

2) Address any feelings of guilt

3) Communicate feelings (Proverbs 12:25)

4) Talk to God ( Psalms 62:8)

 

Grieving is not an overnight process. However, the scriptures can provide comfort at the right time..

Permalink Reply by Hallie on August 7, 2012 at 12:04pm

I also have found that every child responds to grief and grieves differently.  Sometimes it's the ones that you least expect to have the difficulty that really struggle or vice versa.  Being as honest as what is age appropriate and being available to help and answer questions is key.  I also suggest a counselor - whether independent or from school.  I am sorry for what you are going through.

Permalink Reply by Kari Anne M on February 6, 2013 at 10:01am

I am wondering how best to help my son.  We haven't lost any relatives, but it sure feels that way to him.  He's five years old.  A couple months ago, we lost one of our dogs to old age.  Last month, my husband deployed to Bahrain.  Last week, we lost a second dog to a brain tumor.  To my son, the dogs are family.  I also have to keep reassuring him that while Daddy is gone for a very long time, he's not gone like the dogs are.  

Unfortunately, all the worry, sadness and anger are causing my son to lash out at school, and he's started being much more aggressive.  He's hit his friends on several occasions.  I know he needs to work through his feelings in his own time and way, and all I can do is be supportive and reassuring with whatever he feels, but how do I help him stop hitting people?  He needs to be safe at school.  His teacher is trying to be as helpful as she can, but she does have a classroom full of kindergartners.  Are there any resources or books that might be helpful?  Most things I've found so far simply say that anger and aggression are normal reactions, but not how to help a child deal with it.

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