I Love You To

He took his life after battling an illness in which he kept from me and all friends and family. I was living in another state and we kept in touch via telephone.
I went to see him on the July 4th weekend of 2006.

I told him I loved him for the first time in 9 yrs. We had been lovers and friends for yrs. He suddenly stopped taking my calls, changed his phone. Five months passed and he called me mid Feb. 07. I was so happy and in the middle of our conversation he said I love you Pat. I was so confused, he also said he would be coming down to be with me in Fl.. The following month March 29th 07 he took his life. I hurt so much, I didn't know he was saying goodbye. I miss him so very much. I hurt so much, i wish I knew what was going on, I could have been for him in this time that must of have a nightmare for him. I could have stopped him!!!

Why? I get angry, sad, I understand , don't understand and it is goin on 3 yrs. I don't know what to do. I am so happy I came across this site. I am not alone.

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Permalink Reply by SUE on December 1, 2009 at 12:11pm

Lam
I swear I have tried to reply so many times to this but keep getting error. I just want you to know you did everything humanly possible to help him to save him. I asked the question because I too tried to help someone once. He died 3 months later. The man I talked to was already gone. My other replys were lengthy,so Im keeping this short. Please create a post in the discussion board, It may be easier to reply too. :)
Pat I hope you are doing ok.

Lam said:

Sue,

Thanks for replying. I listened to him and redirected him with many possible solutions. When he really showed sign on carrying out his suicide plan,( selling his 16 yrs retail business, giving away items and drinking everynight). I called his family and told them to seek professional help first, DO NOT just go talk to him without any practical plan or even action. I also called the crisis center, suicide hotline and his local intervention center. Those places were really no help, they told me that without the premission, no agent could do anything to help him. He needed to give consent to receive the help and treatment.

His family understood the situation, in the meanwhile, i felt they doubt about how depress their son and brother was. He also acted very normal, he went to work as usual, took care of himself and even went to visit his parents with big warm smiles and hugs. That's night, he decided to take his own life.

Permalink Reply by Trish on December 9, 2009 at 4:06pm

I can't believe how so very similar. We planned to live together etc. for a number of yrs. The last time we saw each other was the first time I told him I loved him. We had a beautiful time together so wonderful. At the same time he was acting strangely and I had not a clue.

He didn't take my calls and I left dozens of messages. 6 months later he called out of the blue and you know the rest. I'm sorry if I didn't respond to your response but I feel so out of it I never remember reading it, this I would have remembered.

Everyone on the site can relate because of the way there loved one left this earth. I hope and pray that we will be together again.

I look forward to that when the time comes : ).

Talk to you later,

Trish

Lam said:

Trish,

I have a very similar case with you. My dear lover , who took his life about a month ago, lived 600 miles away from me, and i last saw him also on July of 4 weekend this year. He was very much depressed by his chronic health condition. He called and texted me right before he died letting me know that he was doing it, love me and goodbye. I didn't call for help and he was found dead in his bed with overdose. I could have delay his death, but i couldn't stop his pain and suffering. I was very upset that he chose to tell me his pending suicide plan and death, in the same time i was gald that he trusted me to share with me.

The pain he left me is not going to end any time soon because we have our wonderful 4 yrs together. We know each other like, dislike, dream, fear and all. However, i know he is now free of suffering and watching me from his side. I hope, one day he and i will meet again.

Permalink Reply by Lam on December 13, 2009 at 3:12am

I want him back everyday.

Once, i dreamed of him. I begged him to come back to me and take me with him to anywhere. He got up and walked away into the crowd, and i lost track of him. One of his fd said to me, oh i think you need to apologize to him for not calling help to save his life. Even though i disagreed with her, i hurted by her words.

I love and care about him very much . He is my best friend and soulmate for the past 4 years.

Permalink Reply by Trish on December 14, 2009 at 8:51pm

I also have dream with him. It has been a while but when I wake I feel so wonderful. The last time he was also walking in a crowd then suddenly turned and looked directly at me. It was as if he was telling me I am okay and with you always. My tears just started rolling down my face as I sat here and remembered that dream.

Its been a while since I have dreamt of him and sometimes before I go to bed I just hope/pray that he will come to me. I want him to reach out and touch my hand. I need to feel his touch thats all. It would mean sooo much to me.

I will always remember him and the special relationship we both had. He was a loving, caring human being. May he RIP.

Trish

Lam said:

I want him back everyday.

Once, i dreamed of him. I begged him to come back to me and take me with him to anywhere. He got up and walked away into the crowd, and i lost track of him. One of his fd said to me, oh i think you need to apologize to him for not calling help to save his life. Even though i disagreed with her, i hurted by her words.

I love and care about him very much . He is my best friend and soulmate for the past 4 years.