Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kelly Davis on January 28, 2009 at 4:21pm

I know just how you feel. I lost my brother who was 43 at the time on April 15th 2006. He was a wonderful man who was a hard worker and lost his life on the job trying to provide for his family. He had just completed a new home for his family when he was killed. I have not grieved like I should. It hits me so hard and I have felt all alone also like you. At the time I lived 4 hours away from my family. We never really got together to grieve. I was basically all alone even though I have a husband and kids they were not what I needed to get my feelings out. I was alone in my grief. That is the worse feeling. Know this, the Lord God does hear you and your cry of your heart. It may not seem like it. I have had several times I just wanted to not live also because of this. But, God has helped me through my hope of eternal life and reuniting with my family. This life is not all there is. What we have here is a vapor, but eternity lasts and lasts. I know your hurt and cry for help because I was and am still there. I cry at various times and feelas though noone hears or understands. It is a pain noone can explain. It is like you are breaking into a million pieces and can't feel or think anymore. I also lost my dad a year and a half after my brother was killed. I am not nor will I ever be the same. I would love to have someone like you to talk to about this. I understand how lonely you are feeling, I am too.My pain is as fresh today as it was 3 years ago. Fresh everyday. Please write me back. Love Kelly

Permalink Reply by Elaine Espinoza on February 6, 2009 at 7:47am

Hi, I have a question, I lost my aunt in a car accident, her and I we were real close. I never got to say goodbye. when the accident happened she lived for two weeks and she passed away because of a blood clot, that went to her heart. no one told me that she had the accident until she died...I have dream, that her and I are walking down the street then she stops and she says, I can not go further down I have to go back and I see her walking back but at the same time she is telling me to come with her and I also see her like in the middle of a river, ocean telling me to come..I told my mom about those dreams she said she is trying to tell me something, but my mom told me if you keep dreaming that she is calling you tell her to go away to leave you alone...I don't know what that means..but I have not dream about her for a while no more...

Permalink Reply by Tina Pollock on February 10, 2009 at 7:43pm

I think that is wonderful she is trying to communicate with you. If you can, pray for her and ask her to go towards the light of Jesus Christ. She may need prayers and this is her way to ask for it. :)

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on February 14, 2009 at 1:10pm

To All From Stephanie

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Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on February 14, 2009 at 1:20pm

Hi Stephanie,THANKS and Happy Valentine to you.....Elaine

Permalink Reply by Kelly Davis on February 15, 2009 at 7:58am

The Bible says to be out of the body is present with the Lord. I believe God allows us to have dreams as a reassurance. Once they have gone to be with the Lord they are gone. But we do have hope of eternal life through Jesus Christ. I am looking forward to the day I die and I can see my creator as well as my dad and brother. Love to you all!

Permalink Reply by tonkatruk on August 3, 2009 at 2:23am

Thank you all for being here for people to bring their stories. Today, my 19 year old cousin died suddenly of what the hospital called hypertension. The loss for his parents and grandparents drove me to read just about everything on this site. Again, thank you for creating such a welcoming and open place to share questions and grief.

My father died when I was 15 (25 years ago this month) of a sudden heart attack at age 44. My mother was left to raise 5 children in a world that isn't really set up for that. She did a wonderful job.

I have a recurring dream about my dad returning alive. He has been inexplicably absent and he just comes back and resumes his role. In the dream I am unable to speak - unable to scream. Obviously, I feel abandoned and betrayed, yet rationally, I know that it was neither his choice, nor in his nature to leave us. Those initial years without him were destructive. We lost everything that meant anything - our dad, our livelihood, our very identity. I realize that teenagers are self-involved on many levels and that the loss that I cling to is so little of what a dad is to a family. I remember my friend approaching me on the street on my way home from my paper route that day. I knew instantly that something terrible was wrong and dropped my paper bag in the middle of the street and ran home. It was when I turned that corner that i saw the ambulance racing down the street toward me and I knew that my father was dead. I ran home.
So much unfinished business and yet there is nothing I have a right to expect considering the circumstances. My dad didn't want to die. He didn't want his family to go through the hardships that we endured. The selfish kid in me seems to want to extract vengeance(?) for his having died.

It's been 25 years - a thought that brings tears to my eyes today. How does one forgive a person for something that wasn't their fault?

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on August 3, 2009 at 6:52am

Hi tonkatruk,my name is Elaine,for forgivesness you need to go to GOD and ask for forgiveness. My son Kris 28 yrs. of age was killed instantly in car accident. He left behind 2 sons Kris and Kory. At the time of his death Kris was 5 and Kory 2 years of age. Kris the 5 yr.old till now is angry with everyone because his Dad is no longer here with him. Everytime there is a family functioning or just other kids with their Dad it upsets him so much that he stands and say with tears rolling down his face stating why my Dad is not here. Then he went to call all of cousins and friends names stating they still have their Dad,why my Dad is not here. I tried to explain to him as much as I could for him to understand that everyone has to pay that price one. Everyone name is on the roll. I also tell him that now his Dad is his guardian angel and that he is still watching over him and protecting him and his brother. For a child to understand especially a boy why his Dad left him is hard. Now Kory is 5 yrs.old now and just about 3 months ago cried and stated that he missed his Dad and that he is still waiting for his Dad to come home from work. After three years this child is waiting patiently for his Dad to walk through the door. This took everything from me to hold up my tears to comfort him. I ask Kory where is your Dad now? He stated in heaven but he never came back home. I ask Kory where is heaven, he said at my daddy job at the Fire Station and he went to work and never come back home. My Mom said that my Dad passed. I stopped him and ask,Kory where did he pass? He stated home,but I didn't see him when he came home. So I called his Mom and got permission to tell him that his Dad was dead and no longer at work. This was almost like going through the funeral again. This child cried so hard finding out that his Dad was dead and will not ever come back again. But not like Kris he understood that his Dad was gone,so he is holding this anger in his heart for his Dad because he died. Now Kris and Kory I think seems to understand a little better about their Dads death. On the 27th of July both boys was baptized together along with another cousin Tre. I now takes them to Sunday school and church so that they can get great teaching,wisdom and knowledge about the words of God. So I put them in the hands of God who I know will heal their wounds and broken hearts. So I say to you tonkatruk take everything to God and he will bare your burdens and he will forgive you. No matter how you felt about your Dad death God will forgive you,because he is a forgivig GOD. Like I always say this Site is just always on time to help someone. We on this Site reach out,we are able to speak and let go our feelings,hurt,heartache and pain. On this Site just about everyone knows how you feel and most of the time can help you and each other feel better. Knowing that you are not alone. So tonkatruk just keep in touch with this Site and we can help heal each other wounds with the help of God. I will be praying with you Elaine

tonkatruk said:

Thank you all for being here for people to bring their stories. Today, my 19 year old cousin died suddenly of what the hospital called hypertension. The loss for his parents and grandparents drove me to read just about everything on this site. Again, thank you for creating such a welcoming and open place to share questions and grief.

My father died when I was 15 (25 years ago this month) of a sudden heart attack at age 44. My mother was left to raise 5 children in a world that isn't really set up for that. She did a wonderful job.

I have a recurring dream about my dad returning alive. He has been inexplicably absent and he just comes back and resumes his role. In the dream I am unable to speak - unable to scream. Obviously, I fee

Permalink Reply by geranda ( Jean) everly on August 5, 2009 at 11:54am

I have had dreams that made me feel very anxious when I woke. In the dreams, my husband was always leaving me. For a while it was every night, it got to where I didn't want to go to sleep.It was very hard for me to get to sleep and when I did , I had these awful dreams, I could never see him, he would be in another room or somewhere that I was unableto see him, yet I always knew he was going to leave me, not leave me as in dying, but leave me as in leaving to go away.I do not know what these dreams meant ,only that I would be very depressed.I haven't had one for a few months now.

Permalink Reply by Patricia Wolney on August 5, 2009 at 12:06pm

I have had only one dream as I have mentioned once before. My daughter just winked at me like I
see you or something. I used to wake up hearing her voice yelling for me. I still have dreams but I am not sure what they are about. Some days I wake up I feel okay others I feel really sad or just lost. Everyday anymore is becoming a struggle, I am just getting so tired myself.

Permalink Reply by Vicki on August 20, 2009 at 7:42pm

I also had dreams in the begining . at first funeral viewing dreams , now every now and then dreams of things we did together that were fun not sad . once very clearly my dad (in my dream ) poped up as a icon on my computer with a smile and a wave it scared me at first but then I thought it was neat . and once when I had pneumonia I could swear I felt my Mom holding my hand . I think they do watch over us when we need it the most . these do not scare me anymore , they are now comforting .

Permalink Reply by Jeanine on August 24, 2009 at 12:55am

My X-Husband died almost 2 years ago, it was a difficult relationship, I loved him and hated him at the same time.....
Since his passing I have been in a lonely, silent, depression. In the beginning he was coming to me in my dreams, being intimate, present... and without his cell phone!! I was afraid to tell him that he was dead, because of fear he would disappear. I could see his love and felt it deeply. Now my dreams have changed. They have turned into me saying to him that he never really loved me, that he only loved his last girlfriend, and he did not argue that with me. I am tormented by my daily sadness of the dreams unfulfilled, of us.. I had .... I'm now 50, just had a birthday party with lots of close friends and after a few glasses of wine, went into the bathroom and cried to him... he was supposed to be there for me!! He was supposed to be the one loving me... I was not supposed to be alone. I felt so distant from everyone, and only close to my conversations with him....
I judge myself for this self pity... I often think that it is too long already, I should have moved on....but it is just like last night that he passed....

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