Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by JunePeony on January 27, 2010 at 2:36pm

Larisa,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved father to cancer. What a painful experience for your family. Especially since your Dad was looking forward to his retirement and enjoying himself after years of working hard. It’s especially painful because not only your love one passes away but so do their dreams and your dreams of spending more time with them. I know that it feels like you have been robbed and wounded all at the same time.

I lost my precious mom to cancer too, earlier this month on January 2. I am still reeling from the shock of it all. I have cried every day since then. I miss her so much, beyond what words can tell you.

Posting to the forum and responding to others in pain has helped me through these last couple of weeks. You will find are so many supportive people in this online community.

Everyone here seems to have a different way of dealing with their grief and trying to heal. There appears to be no one right way or same way for everyone. In my family siblings are busy distracting themselves and maybe that will work for them. Hopefully.

For me it has helped to talk about it, write about it, and post here. And receive the kind advice and support from people online who are on the same journey.

My thoughts are with you, Larisa


Lisa (junepeony@gmail.com)

Permalink Reply by Larisa on January 27, 2010 at 2:44pm

Thank you Lisa, that is what I am hoping for is to get through this hard time with people that have the same feelings as I do. My dad passed away a week before Thanksgiving, so I had to deal with the holidays without him and then tomorrow is his birthday so it is all hitting me at once.

It is hard to believe that he is gone, he was so healthy up to the day he found out he had cancer. I am proud of him for everything he did in his life and I am so blessed that I was able to care for him at the end.

I am sorry to hear about your mother, cancer is an ugly thing and once you get it, it's like your world is turned around. I say to myself all the time, that my dad is no longer in pain as it helps just for a brief moment, I am still selfish and wish he was here with me, but I am just human and I think a lot of us think that way!

Thank you for replying and I hope to talk again soon!
Larisa

Permalink Reply by VLynne on January 27, 2010 at 9:27pm

My prayers are with you in your losing your Dad. I lost my Mom December 18, 2009 to pancreatic cancer which had spread to the liver. The last two weeks of her life is when we found out about the cancer. I still hurt and not only for the loss of my Mom, but also the stress with the insurance company and the hospice facility. She was only 74 years old which to me is young...but who am I to question the will of God. All I know right now is that I will have to learn how to cope with not having Mom with us anymore...at least not in the physical, but her spirit will always be with us. So too, your Dad is with you in spirit.
Take care.
VLynne

Permalink Reply by Larisa on January 30, 2010 at 2:13pm

Thank you VLynne --

Everyday is a struggle when you lose someone, 74 is a young age, so is 56 (that is how old my dad was) We went to his grave on Thursday to wish him a Happy Birthday and it was heart breaking to me, I just cant come to grasp that my dad is buried under that pile of dirt! I have a lot of support at home here and I can cry on my husbands shoulders anytime I want but I just want to scream at times. I am so angry that he has left me and my children and I know I need to get over that anger. I was wondering does anyone go to a counsiling group for this? Please help me try to understand how to handle this.

Thank you,
Larisa

VLynne said:

My prayers are with you in your losing your Dad. I lost my Mom December 18, 2009 to pancreatic cancer which had spread to the liver. The last two weeks of her life is when we found out about the cancer. I still hurt and not only for the loss of my Mom, but also the stress with the insurance company and the hospice facility. She was only 74 years old which to me is young...but who am I to question the will of God. All I know right now is that I will have to learn how to cope with not having Mom with us anymore...at least not in the physical, but her spirit will always be with us. So too, your Dad is with you in spirit.
Take care.
VLynne

Permalink Reply by Debbie on January 30, 2010 at 4:04pm

Hi Larisa,
You're in the right place. We're all here for each other. Like your dad, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in January and died November 20th. I've lost other people before, all of my grandparents and my dad. I was living in Florida then and I would come up to NC for the funeral and then escape back home. I moved back to NC 7 years ago and bought a house less then 1/2 a mile from my mom. She was my mother, my buddy and best friend. I talked to her each morning on the way to work, stopped by after work and spent Saturdays with her. This is the first time I haven't been able to run away from grief. It hurts so bad - some days, like today, are worse then others. It snowed here, and mom was like a kid about snow. Mom was also a huge news junkie. She would have loved lasted night's 20 20 about John Edwards. I started to call her to remind her to watch.
I'm sorry, Larisa. This is probably not helping you at all. No one will ever fill the place in our hearts left by our parents. The best we can do is reach out to others, to give and receive help. People say after time, Lord only knows how much, it doesn't hurt so much anymore. I guess we'll see. Take care of yourself. I'm here.

Permalink Reply by Larisa on January 30, 2010 at 7:08pm

Hello Debbie --

Yes it does help, reading other people's thoughts and how they were so attached to their parents, helps me to realize a lot of things. Before I joined this I thought I was the only one out there doing this journey, man I was wrong. It is a awful thing to go through.

My dad and I collect M&M figurines so every Christmas they come out with a new M&M dispenser and every year we would call each other and say "did you see the new dispenser at Walmart" Then every year we would buy it for each other. This past Christmas when I saw the dispenser I pulled out my phone to call my dad and realized what I was doing. So Debbie I can relate to you wanting to call your mom.

I still bought that dispenser for my dad even though he is not here to enjoy it. I hope that doesn't sound to morbit........

Permalink Reply by Candi Dennis on January 30, 2010 at 11:15pm

I know that is so hard when a parent pass away. My mother passed away on November 11, 2009. I had my own apartment, but I kept my apartment and moved in with my mother. My mother was my world. She was my best friend, my shopping buddy, my father, my everything. I was sleeping and something just made me get up, and when I got to my mother's room, she had just took her last breath. My mother was 96 yrs. old. She never opened her eyes. I cried hard, and told her that I would be okay. But that was easy to say. Because I am crying as I am writting this note. I have not stopped since she died. I have good days, but I have more bad than good. But I have a wonderful family. My brother and sister are the best. My pastor helps, but I know that only time will heal. I was so so close to my mother. My son and his family stayed with me for Thanksgiving and the month of December and the first part of Jan. because they did not me to be alone for the holidays. All I can tell you, keep your faith in God, and do not question him. You must have a lot of family support. Join a live grief support group. That's what I am about to do next week. I will keep you in my prayers. May God continue to Bless You and your family.