loss of mom and dad

My mom was fine on the 18th of December. She was up eating chicken strips when i went over there. When i left, she gave me an extra long hug. The next day she wasn't at church. My phone didn't register any missed calls, so i waited until later to call. i learned that they had company coming in. Then at 10pm that night, i get a call from my step-dad telling me that the ambulance was there and they were doing CPR on my mom at that moment. i rushed over there. They were working on her. I learned that my mom and step-dad had company over, then went to the store to do Christmas shopping, then came home. She wanted to go out on the porch because she was complaining of being hot. They went out on the porch and talked about the stars and the true meaning of Christmas. They came back inside, she sat on the couch and started taking off her shoes. Her cat came up to her to be petted, then bolted off. My stepdad looked over and saw her still bent over. She was unresponsive. He pushed her back. Her lips were blue, almost black. Well, she spent the next several days in CCU on a breathing tube. The doctors said she had suffered massive brain damage. I prayed and prayed and prayed for a miracle. Well, on the 28th, after the breathing tube was removed, she passed away at 2am. My parents just moved back to be near me 7 months ago, now my mom is gone, and my step-dad just moved back to Michigan. i feel like my heart and soul have been ripped out. i know God will see me through, but i have a huge hole in my chest right now. I love her and will miss her, and will miss my step dad also. He has been in my life for 28 years. He has been a dad to me.

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Permalink Reply by JunePeony on January 29, 2010 at 1:09pm

Dear Cora,

I am sorry for your pain and the loss of your mom. I know it’s especially hard because you had the promise of spending more time with your mom and your step-father because they moved to be near you only 7 months ago.

I lost my mom on January 2 of this year, and I feel the same pain that you do at promises of more time together that won’t be shared. For me it all happened so suddenly too, even though Mom passed away from cancer. It just seemed to come out of the blue and now here I am without my best friend in the whole world. We use to go for long walks together and now I can’t walk down the street without thinking about her and feeling so alone.

I just want to know that I read your message and even though I can’t take away the pain, I’m thinking about you and your loss. And I know how devastated you feel.

My thoughts are with you, Cora.

Lisa

(junepeony@gmail.com)

Permalink Reply by Priceless on January 30, 2010 at 8:00pm

It is coming up on the anniversary of my Dad's death. I think of him a lot. And I think of Mom a lot. It was hard to grieve for Dad, because it seemed like I was forgetting about mom. So when I watch their video tributes, I watch one and them the other. It is those anniversaries that are memorable. I remember them all year long, especially at their anniversary birthdays, holidays and death. However, I know they are both with God in a glorious place called Heaven. No more suffering, no more tears. Yes I would rather have them here on earth, but I cannot have that so Heaven is OK. Dad & Mom are in my heart and with me in spirit every single day. Mom and Dad would want the best for me, which is to continue to go on living, even while missing them. Mom and Dad are never far away, just out of reach on earth, but not out of reach through GOD. God Bless.

Permalink Reply by Cora Sharrock on February 1, 2010 at 4:31pm

Lisa,

My thoughts and prayers are with you also. I am so sorry for your loss, especially around the Holidays. It will forever change the Holidays, but, we still must carry on. Just remember that she is with you in spirit and that some day you will see her again. I was feeling so alone, but I have read other's stories and don't feel so alone anymore. My heart goes out to each and every person who has lost a loved one during this time. Please remember the good things and treasure those always.

God bless,

Cora

Permalink Reply by Cora Sharrock on February 1, 2010 at 4:39pm

Marianne,

Bless your heart! It must be really hard having lost both parents. But, you are right about them being within with God . I was feeling down since my stepdad moved to Michigan, but after talking with him this past Friday, i know now that he is much happier. He said that he felt such relief getting out of that house. He said that there were too many memories there. He is staying with his oldest daughter and son-in-law, and is quite content now. She doesn't work, so she is with him most of the time. Even his cat is getting along with the other dogs and cats that live there! So, even though I will miss him being three minutes away, he is still at the other end of the phone whenever I want to talk to him. And yes, our loved ones ARE in Heaven, and one day we will see them again! i will be praying for you as you and please take comfort in the fact that God knows our pain, and with Him, we will heal.

God bless,

Cora

Permalink Reply by Elyzabeth Hackathorn on February 1, 2010 at 5:05pm

I can understand what all of you are feeling and I send my heartfelt thoughts to all of you. I also lost my parents, and I still feel lost and abandoned. I am an only child and I lost my father on 8/1/99 to a heart attack in the nighttime.....my mother was so lost and so lonely that I never grieved for my Dad because I needed to be there for Mom......for 10 years , I held it in and it hurt. My Mom was diagnosed with cancer in 2007 and through a difficult, long fight, she got through. She was doing very well and on 8/4/2009, almost 10 years to the date, my Mom passed away from a heart attack and a stroke. I miss them both so very much....I ache every day and at least once a day, I fall apart. I feel lost. She was my best friend, my confidant and my Mom.....in December we lost our beloved 13 year old Golden Retriever.....the losses just keep on coming....and it is horrible. I feel for anyone who has lost someone in their life....although I pray all the time, I still feel lost. My thoughts to all of you.
Elyzabeth

Permalink Reply by Cora Sharrock on February 1, 2010 at 5:19pm

Elizybeth,

I will also keep you in my prayers. I also know the loss of a beloved pet. There is a verse I want to share with you "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" Phillipians 4:13. I stand on this verse a lot because we need His strength to get us through from day to day. There is another one "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28. It sounds like you are weary and burdened with all of this. He truly is there to help you. I pray many blessings for you and pray for healing, peace, strength, and comfort.

God bless,

Cora

Permalink Reply by Cora Sharrock on February 1, 2010 at 5:20pm

Elyzabeth - sorry i spelled your name wrong in my first reply!!

Permalink Reply by claudia minjares on February 2, 2010 at 6:48am

Im so sorry for your loss, I lost my mon 2 weeks ago suddenly too. She suffered from a torn artery following a stroke. And yea the feeling is horrible. I feel so empty, cant stop thinking of her and crying. I dont know what to do or how to accept this. I want to sometimes scream at the top of my lungs. I feel like life can never be happy or the same. Im so lost without her.

Permalink Reply by Priceless on February 2, 2010 at 9:54pm

Elyzabeth,
I am sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers. We are truly not alone in our loss. Now that 3 years has passed, it seems like it was just yesterday. I only remember a little of my Dad's viewing. I remember vividly the last goodbye at the funeral home before the funeral mass/Celebration of Life. I did not want to leave Dad's side.
With Mom I remember the viewing, probably since Dad was there. I remember saying my last goodbye to Mom. I have a picture of Mom's grave that has a glare across it from the Sun. I call it "Stairway to Heaven." God Bless.

Permalink Reply by Priceless on February 2, 2010 at 10:08pm

Cora, I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind reply re-enforcement. Even though I know Mom & Dad are together in Heaven with God; sometimes I tend to forget this. On the 2nd anniversary of Mom's death, all I could think of was that we buried Mom. It is easy to forget God at time of grief. However, later that same day I realized that she is with God.
I had a dream about Mom about a 1/2 year after she died. I dreamt that Mom was mad that we left her alone. (we were not there when she actually passed). She was in a loft apartment, with dozens of TV's and her big winter coat she wore when us kids were young. She was walking around the loft as if to avoid me and not knowing where to go; like Mom was lost. Then my sibling came in and said to mom that he/she got a ticket for her to go and this sibling got a ticket to go also & so did I. I woke up after this. I wasn't sure what this dream meant. This sibling and I are still on earth. God Bless.

Permalink Reply by Priceless on February 3, 2010 at 12:24am

I feel like Grief is like riding on a Yo-Yo string. String is down when the anniversaries of birthdays or death, and the string is wound up in the yo-yo in between those times. (not to be identified with any illness.)
It is like when death occurs the string on the yo-yo is all the way extended and when the string is drawn back up; it is like slow motion of going through Grief. That climb back up to a new normal; so long and can be so drawn out.
Like one day remembering everything and the next day only remember parts. Then another day remembering everything. Like a subconscious that is covering a wound thats need tender loving care in order to heal. Only allowing so much in at a time so as not to flood the gates again; giving time to do what we need to, whether it is crying, talking to a trusted true friend or needing some alone time, read a grief book, attend a grief workshop, sleep, rest, .............

Permalink Reply by Cora Sharrock on February 4, 2010 at 1:09pm

Claudia,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I hear you, I wanted to sream at the top of my lungs, especially when my step-dad moved out of the house and I was standing in the house alone. I wanted to know why it happened so suddenly, and why she wasn't there anymore. It just wasn't fair. And, I can imagine that is how you feel right about now. Someone told me that maybe my mom was facing much greater suffering had she lived. I also try to focus on the fact that she is in Heaven now and that some day I will see her again. I pray that God comforts you and gives you peace. Life will never be the same again, and yes, definately, there will be a hole in your heart where your mom once filled, but, remember, there is one who can fill that hole in your heart, and can take away the lonliness, and that is our Lord Jesus. i don't know what I would do without the knowledge of Him, and that He died for us so that some day we might be reunited with him and our loved ones. The whole routine has changed from what it was when my mom was still alive, but am learning to accept this change and realize that she isn't here on earth anymore. I am at the point where I try to push down that extreme feeling when it comes over me, but sometimes, like this morning, something was said on the radio that made me think of my mom, and I cried on the way to work. I have taken on more things to help take away that void of not being able to go see my mom and spend time with her. Plus, I talk to a friend or two every couple of days to let them know how I am feeling, and they pray with me and for me. I will definately keep you in my prayers, and I pray that God will bless you in all of this.

Cora