Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by yolanda on February 18, 2010 at 10:35pm

Understand your feelings. First day my father died thought the sun would not shine or that life would stop moving. It has been one month since the sudden death of my father. Be thankful for the opportunity to say goodbye. Spoke to my father the day before he died. He told me he loved me that was the last time I heard his voice.... He died early in the morning while I was enroute to visit him.

Permalink Reply by Yvonne Hess on February 18, 2010 at 11:55pm

Jason Lee Leahy said:

It has been over a week now since my father passed away.. My feelings are all over the place... I just dont know what to do.... It feels like I am stuck on on mode and cant get out of it. It feels as if my world has stoppped. I am having problems moving on in life. I went back to college and work but it feels so overwhelming to me. I am still no sleep well at all.. When I close my eyes all I see is my dad dying all over again and seeing him take his last breath of air... I just dont know what to do.. I am so lost... I dont know where to turn or where to go... I just dont know how to deal with this... I want to drink but I know that it will not help.. Can anyone give me any ideas on what to do??? Thank you

Jason,
I'm so sorry for your loss. What your feeling is grief.. all the feelings you express are very normal. Please don't turn to drinking to numb out because it will stop the natural process of grief. It could also compound your problems with your job etc. Try to think about something else when those pictures of those last painful days pass thru your mind and remember they are past. He's not in pain anymore and has a brand new body. Pray and ask God to comfort you, guide and direct your pathways. He will give the strength that you need. Cry when you want to, tears give us better vision and help us thru the pain.. it's ok to cry and take as long as it takes to get thru this. Be patient with yourself about it. God bless and be with you and comfort you. We care here. It's ok to write how you feel it can help.

Permalink Reply by Lisa on February 19, 2010 at 10:46pm

HI Jason,

My heart goes out to you. Losing a parent, no matter how old you are, is never easy. I lost my Dad in Oct 2005 and my mom Dec 2, 2009. My heart aches, my physical being aches. I have had good days and then days like today where I can do is cry. Cry for her, cry for me. I have learned to take it day by day, hour by hour and even minute by minute. I am begging you not to take that drink. It will not help. It could only make things worse. Think back to lessons you dad taught you. How would he want you to handle things. Our parents wisdom is one of the greatest gifts we could ever receive. My heart breaks for you losing a parent so young. Just know that there are people out there who really do understand. Reach out to those in this group. This forum has saved my sanity. I am here for you. Others are to. We can get through this. Don't rush yourself through your grief. He was your dad for a long time. Grieve how you need to grieve. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Cry when you need to cry. Just know that there will be good and bad days ahead. Embrace them both.

Lisa P. , NC

Jason Lee Leahy said:

It has been over a week now since my father passed away.. My feelings are all over the place... I just dont know what to do.... It feels like I am stuck on on mode and cant get out of it. It feels as if my world has stoppped. I am having problems moving on in life. I went back to college and work but it feels so overwhelming to me. I am still no sleep well at all.. When I close my eyes all I see is my dad dying all over again and seeing him take his last breath of air... I just dont know what to do.. I am so lost... I dont know where to turn or where to go... I just dont know how to deal with this... I want to drink but I know that it will not help.. Can anyone give me any ideas on what to do??? Thank you

Permalink Reply by Jackie on February 20, 2010 at 2:56pm

Jason,

I am so sorry you are going through this now. My college roommate lost her father while we were in college and although I felt awful for her, I never understood how she felt until I lost my Mom 2 months ago today. I am 39. There probably are few people around you that can imagine how you are feeling so I am glad you turned to the internet to find comfort, and I hope it is helping you. Reading the posts on these pages has helped me to feel as if all of my feelings are normal and it has given me hope that I will make it through the loss of my Mom/best friend. I think when people say that it gets more bearable...they are more accurate than those that say time heals. I think that "ache" we feel for our parent's hugs or smiles or voice never goes away. In lots of ways it feels as though my Mom has been gone for years....the days drag by. It seems like so long ago that I had my last hug from her or saw her smile. Just keep breathing. Know that the day will pass and that you will get through it. Lots of people will say, don't drink. If you don't have alcoholic tendencies or an addictive personality, I say have a few drinks. My Dad has a couple of glasses of wine each night to help him mellow so he can sleep. As long as there is no worries of addiction there, a few nights of a few drinks to help you sleep can help get your body in to a pattern of sleep again where one does not exist. And from experience, I know that nights without sleep only make the days longer and more emotional.

Every day I talk to my Mom and when I see a beautiful sunset I know she put it there just for me. When the breeze is in my face I know it is her blowing me kisses. I just use whatever is around me to make me feel as though she is still here with me and it helps to subside the tears (or sobs). You'll find what helps you and then use it whenever you are going through a particularly rough time.

Just remember that you are not alone in your feelings...

Jackie

Permalink Reply by Priceless on February 20, 2010 at 3:16pm

I had a beer or two in an evening. Mostly it was non-alcoholic beer, which tastes a lot like regular beer just without all the alcohol. It satisfied the tastes bud, without getting drunk. I had a regular beer now and then. However, getting drunk would not be healthy for me, nor does it solve any problems. It definitely does not bring back the loved one lost or dull the pain, void, or lost feeling associated with grief. I do know of people who have went to bars and gotten drunk the night of the viewing. That was all there was to it for these people, one night. I myself drank way too much soda, and just drank a lot of liquids period, i.e. water, tea, soda (regular & diet). I even started smoking for a while, 3 packs in 2 1/2 years. Now I am paying for it! I ate, however I did not gain a lot of weight. You just have to find what is right for you and NOT over do it. Because if you overdo it, you WILL pay for it later, and it is NOT what your deceased loved one or the deceased person you knew would want.

Permalink Reply by Jason Lee Leahy on October 5, 2010 at 8:49pm

What would have been my dads 60th birthday on the 11th of this month will be a very hard and sad day for me. Not only for the simple fact he passed away on the 9th of Feb 2010, but also that I still have many days of the week. I just wanna sit down and cry because I miss my father so much. Not having him around to help fix my car when it needs something down, but also because I will be done with college in a few short months and will not be able to have him there to see my reach the end result of colllege. I have waited for what seems like forever for college to be done and over with for my BA in CJA, now however I will have my mom and step dad there. I am happy that they will be able to see me reach that goal but I will never have the chance for my father to see reach it. I will never get over not being able to call him. To this day I still find myself picking up the phone dailing the number and at the last moment I remember that I know longer have the option. The days seem to get short but yet they seem so long. I just dont know...... I miss him so much....... I just know that it will be a very hard day on the 11th. I am thinking about not going to work or going to college that and going to his grave to spend time with him.. Does anyone see anything wrong with that..

Permalink Reply by MissingMyMom on October 6, 2010 at 6:15pm

Hey Jay I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. I am in the same boat as you. I lost my mom january 22,2010 from cancer and I am only 25. I get so angry that my mom won't be around for so many significant things. I think its a great idea if u honor ur dad on the 11th. My mom would have been 60 this past august. I didn't take the whole day off work bc I wanted to keep my mind busy so I didn't get too upset but if u feel like u can handle the day off than take advantage. I sent birthday balloons up to my mom which made me feel a bit better. Good luck w everything and if u ever need anything let me know :)

Permalink Reply by Freda on October 7, 2010 at 9:45am

Dear Jason,
My thoughts and prayers are with you. You will never forget about your father and time does help heal but you must remember this: Would he want you to be feeling so sad. This helps me. My father and I discussed his leaving me and I told him that I wanted to go before him. He told me "no father wants to have his child die before him, when it is your time, it is your time". My Dad went to be with Jesus July 20,2010 and I miss him so much. I am crying as I write this. I am a Registered Nurse because my Dad kept pushing me and telling me that I could do it. I am reaching out and sending you a big hug. Love Freda

Permalink Reply by nicholas on October 7, 2010 at 11:25am

I'm very sorry for your loss. To see someone go, ecespically someone you love is a terrible sight. It is very hard. I was there when my mom passed. Despite the horror of it, i was very grateful to be there.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Permalink Reply by Lori Sherry on October 7, 2010 at 1:02pm

Hi,

I am SO sorry.

My dad Clifford passed away in July early in the morning. He passed away from a heart attack. He had been sick for awhile. We my mom (Nancy) and my brother (Jason) weren't there when he died.

It's just SO heartbreaking and unbearable at times.

He was a really good man.

I am 32-years-old now. I miss my dad SO much.

Lori Sherry

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