Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
Hi, I am a new member
I lost my mom in December 2009, she had a massive stroke. Prior to that time she had Alzheimer's, and my dad managed to keep her in our family home for 7-8 years. I have been blessed wish a caring personality, I am a RN, but I thought when she went, it would be better for her. My mom had 7 daughters, and between all of us, we all had our ways of helping with Mom's care. One remarkable thing, was that she remembered our names. She had a good sense of humor, unless she was agitated when she did not understand.
Beginning in October, my dad lost his oldest brother, Uncle Charlie, late November we lost another uncle who was married to mom's baby sister. Now if that was not enough, mom left us December 10th, and ten days later my first cousin Doug, who was my age 54 died of Lung Cancer. In one way you can say I have not had a lot of experience in grieving for my own family, because it seems longevity is in our favor, but in another way it has always been easier for me to help other grievers, then to receive the help myself. My husband has encouraged me to get some counseling, because my mood swings have been taking a toll on him. I know all the steps of grief and acceptance usually include denial, anger, bargining, depression and finally some day you reach the acceptance stage. I worry about my Dad because I am sure it is lonely being without your spouse of 60 years, and not that any of my sisters are doing better then I, I just happen to be in Naples as a "snowbird". We have owned property for ten years. My husband and I have been married 31 years, and we have three grown sons. I guess between my sentenmitality issues, I am the only one at the present time away from KY, my home state. I think that some days I am going to be OK, and then other days I completely loose it. I chose this group because I know I will be going home April 21st, and even though I am not in FL, I will be able to keep up with this group, and may need to find other avenues to get rid of some of this pent up miserary. I hope to be a help to others, as well as receive the help I need. I have always had the attitude I can fix almost anything, but sometime I fail to help myself. Thank you for listening, and I hope to meet some other friends going through the loss of a parent. Belinda
Beginning in October, my dad lost his oldest brother, Uncle Charlie, late November we lost another uncle who was married to mom's baby sister. Now if that was not enough, mom left us December 10th, and ten days later my first cousin Doug, who was my age 54 died of Lung Cancer. In one way you can say I have not had a lot of experience in grieving for my own family, because it seems longevity is in our favor, but in another way it has always been easier for me to help other grievers, then to receive the help myself. My husband has encouraged me to get some counseling, because my mood swings have been taking a toll on him. I know all the steps of grief and acceptance usually include denial, anger, bargining, depression and finally some day you reach the acceptance stage. I worry about my Dad because I am sure it is lonely being without your spouse of 60 years, and not that any of my sisters are doing better then I, I just happen to be in Naples as a "snowbird". We have owned property for ten years. My husband and I have been married 31 years, and we have three grown sons. I guess between my sentenmitality issues, I am the only one at the present time away from KY, my home state. I think that some days I am going to be OK, and then other days I completely loose it. I chose this group because I know I will be going home April 21st, and even though I am not in FL, I will be able to keep up with this group, and may need to find other avenues to get rid of some of this pent up miserary. I hope to be a help to others, as well as receive the help I need. I have always had the attitude I can fix almost anything, but sometime I fail to help myself. Thank you for listening, and I hope to meet some other friends going through the loss of a parent. Belinda
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Priceless on
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Belinda, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I never went through the stages of grief that you mentioned. Not to say that a person will not go through all those stages. I am aware of them and only thought of them briefly when I was grieving. The only one I actually thought of was the anger one, which I really could not get angry. My Mom and Dad have been gone 3 years. I never thought of when the hurt would go away or the lost feeling since I thought if it did then Mom and Dad would be gone for good. It was day by day. I attended grief workshop/s whether could weeks long or 1-2 hour long, bereavement service, grief books, anything good I thought would help me - by taking control of my grief. Eventually it did and I still have Mom and Dad in my heart and they are with me every second of the day - this turnabout came without me even realizing it. Grief is a long process and when it does get more tolerable, the holiday and birthdays come around or family gatherings and the grief once again surfaces.
God Bless and Take Care. -
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Permalink Reply by Yvonne Hess on
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Belinda..
I'm so sorry about your Mom. I know that you will miss her. My Mom passed when I was 46 and and she was 64. What made it harder for me was I entered the menopause the year before she passed and I was caring for her and my family daily so it was hard. The mood swings and hot flashes were the worst and made the grief even harder. I share this because some people don't realize that this can happen to any of us and some don't even know they are going into it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. God bless. -
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