Where Do I Get the Strength to Go On?

My husband passed away on 11/9/09 after spending 5 weeks in the hospital. He was a very, very good husband, father, grandfather, and most of all he was my very best friend. We married young and devoted our lives to each other. We went places and did things together. Now my best friend is gone and I don't know what I am going to do. I don't know if there is a reason to go on living. I have three beautiful daughters, two great sons-in-law and five of the best grandchildren God ever put on this earth. I guess they are my reason but I can't bear being without him. I don't think I have the strength left in me to just keep going and going on. Maybe someone can give me some suggestions. I would so appreciate any help I can get.

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Permalink Reply by Connie on March 20, 2010 at 7:16pm

Carolyn said:

My husband passed away 02/27/2010 and we had been married almost 45 years. We had also gotten married very early.He was my only love and it seems one-half of me is gone. It has really been hard to get through each day since. I have two daughters and sons-in laws and three granddaughters but I also am fairly new to this small town with no family here. I can't stand being without him and am crying constantly. Please someone give me some suggestions. My heart is so broken.

Permalink Reply by Connie on March 20, 2010 at 7:30pm

Carolyn, My heart aches for you. My husband made our 46th anniversary although he was on life support and completely sedated. He never even opened his eyes. Not much of an anniversary. 25 days later he passed. He is gone 4 1/2 months now and I have not gotten any better as far as dealing with things. My heart is broken. Nothing can help heal it. I am on anti-depressants and sleeping pills to try to get through the day and to sleep at night. I know the sleeping pills are really not helping very much. I don't think I am getting too much from the anti-depressants either but then I don't know what I should be feeling from them since I have never taken them before in my life. Carolyn, the only thing that makes me feel a little better is reading books on bereavement. If you are interested, there are a few that I think were worthwhile and I would be happy to pass on a list to you. At least they tell you that we are not crazy for feeling the way we do. Do you have a good friend that can help? I am fortunate enough to have a friend who has gone through this too and is there for me whenever I need her. Our husbands were very good friends and her and I also.

Carolyn, I still cry and cry at any time and any place. Driving in the car I start crying. You do need to cry to get some of it out. Carolyn, I can't sleep in our bed yet. It hurts so much to lay there and he isn't with me. I sleep in the living room in a recliner and hold his picture all night instead of him. It helps me to have his pictures all over so that I see him all the time. I also go to the cemetery every day if just for a minute or two but I feel better for a little while after I leave there.

Carolyn, I don't know if I have helped you or confused you even more. I hope some of it has been helpful. It is a terrible time in our lives but we must get through somehow.

I will pray for you also.