Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on March 20, 2010 at 10:38pm

Hi Steph
I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my husband of 38 years on August 9, 2009 he was only 57 years old. We too were farmers for 28 years, I know what you are saying. We had sold our farm 9 years ago and had retired for about 3 years but then became completely bored, so we bought a fishing lodge. I had to close it down last fall with the help of family( it is a seasonal business). Now though I am eager to get back up there for the spring, I am also sad to be doing it alone. He passed away at the lodge from a heart attack. We both thoroughly enjoyed what we were doing and ever so happy that we were able to do it together.
All I can tell you is to take your time, grieve at your own pace and don't make any life changing decisions for a while unless you absolutely have to. It is a long hard road, and many refer to it as a roller coaster ride. You have come to the right place. Here you will find people that understand what you are going through. We all have many things in common and I think the most significant one is that we all were blessed to be with the love of our life and now we don't know who we are or where to go now. Take care of yourself and give yourself time.
Take care Yvonne

Permalink Reply by Colleen on March 21, 2010 at 7:08pm

Hi Steph,
I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. It's heartbreaking, I know.
My husband passed away just a month ago tomorrow, and today would have been our 4th year wedding anniversary. It was a second marriage for both of us and we were so happy to be together. He was just 57, I'll be 49 on my birthday this week. We were in madly and passionately in love and I miss him so much. So yep, lots of heartache.
I haven't been alone long enough to offer any advice, but I do want you to know that we care about your loss. We're here for you to talk to when you think no one is listening. Lots of people here have been through the ups and downs, like Yvonne said it's a rollercoaster ride, and I'm learning from them, but sometimes I'm just reading and feeling the kinship that this site brings me.
I check in daily or more sometimes. Sometimes less when I feel like I just need to take a brak. But either way, it has become a comfort to me - these are wonderful caring people that might not always have the answers but at least they're willing to lend an ear.
Take care,
Colleen

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on March 21, 2010 at 8:31pm

Dear Steph,
Only people that have lost a spouse can say this but I really do know how you feel, because I feel the same way. My husband passed away 2 months ago on January 22, 2010 from a reoccurance of esophageal cancer, we didn't know that the last round of treatments didn't get the cancer until December 18. After 35 days he was gone and I always thought during Dan's 3 years of pain and suffering, that there would be a healing or a cure or a miracle. After the devastating news from the radiation doctor things turned rather rapidly, and I still can't believe it. I am overwhelmed with grief and I've found out that though we may all have our unique experiences, the pain is the same. I had absolutely no clue that I would be going through all this emotional pain after my husband's physical pain ended. I've been told I will still be grieving in the future but that it will become more manageable and that we just have to go through the emotional roller coaster until we get there. I have no choice but to believe it because I've heard this again and again. After reading books such as "Widow to Widow" and posting on these grief sites it has helped and the ones that understand our pain have been really helpful and supportive, that's all we need, for now. I really do know how difficult this road is, even now, but we have one another to rely upon. Take care.
God bless.

Permalink Reply by Jane Velarde on March 22, 2010 at 7:25pm

Dear Steph, I am so very sorry about your loss. I lost my soul mate and true love of my life of 18 years when he succumbed to pancreatic cancer on Jan. 25, 2010. Like you, we also never gave up and also would not talk about him not making it. We tried to keep some quality of life going, watched movies, went for rides, played with our puppies, etc. He went down very quickly and died in my arms. I am lost without him. I understand the pain you are going through but believe he is watching over you and you WILL be together again. In the meantime, you were left behind for a reason. . .you still have living to do. Make him proud because I do believe he can see you. God bless you and hold you in His arms as you begin this new journey - like me. Jane

Permalink Reply by Donna Allen on March 22, 2010 at 8:16pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 43 years to cancer 2 years ago and I know how it was in the beginning. I thought my whole world was falling apart. I found my solace through connecting with Hospice. I'm not sure if you have a group in your area, but it helped me immensely actually sitting there with women who were going through the same thing. Sharing in person is so much different than sharing on line. I also picked up a great book on grieving called A Time To Grieve by Carol Staudacher. It is the best book out there because it relates daily feelings that you can relate to. I lost my job 6 months before I lost my husband so I have been in a quandry about finances too. But time does heal and although I miss Bill with all my heart, now I cry occasionally instead of constantly. I can finally listen to our favorite songs and sing along instead of crying along. It isn't better now, but it is different and easier to get through the day and night. All the feelings that you are having are normal. Feel them like waves in the ocean and let them move through and around you. In time the waves will get smaller and the ocean calmer and calmer. I hope this was helpful. My thoughts and prayers will be with you in the days ahead. Donna