In two weeks I will be going back up north to open our fishing lodge for the season. I am really looking forward to getting back up there, the peace, tranquility and beauty can't be beat. I am looking forward to seeing our guests again,they are all repeat customers, and come back year after year. They all know that Larry passed away at the lodge and have been wonderful to me. I know I can run the lodge alone, I did it last season. Larry's mother broke her hip 1 week after we opened and he came home to be with her. He was here for 91/2 weeks, so during the busiest time I ran it with the help of 2 staff. He came back to the lodge 9 days before he passed away. I feel so cheated to not have had him with me for the last 2 months of his life, but I have come to terms with it. So what am I afraid of? I'm not sure. I'm afraid that I won't be able to make it all work...why I don't know. I know I am afraid of not having his support. I know that I am afraid of being very lonely every night. I was very lonely every evening last season, but we would talk on the phone for hours every evening. I guess I am afraid that even though I am surrounded by people, I will still be alone. Everyone is trying to make it easier for me to go up. Our youngest son is coming up with me like he does every season to help open up. He usually is able to spend 2 or 3 days helping set up all the tech stuff and get the water going. My Dad is coming up with us too, and has everything planned and scheduled. Our middle son is coming for a week to help set up and get the boats and motors ready. My brothers and nephews are coming on the long weekend to put new shingles on the lodge roof and the lions are coming then as well to build a new deck. I have a wonderful couple hired for the season and I think they will work out just fine. But after all is said and done, I know after a couple of weeks everyone has to get back to their normal lives, just like after the funeral. I know when I am there I will be so busy that I will not have time to even think. I guess I am also afraid that I will have to make all the decisions myself...no sounding board. I know I can do it, and that I must. Our philosophy at the lodge is that the guests always come first if it is not detrimental to the lodge. Another philosophy is smile but be firm, or they will walk all over you. So I guess what I am trying to tell myself is : get going, suck it up, and you know you can do it. Thanks for listening, I don't know where else I can get this all off my chest.
Take care Yvonne