I came on a few days ago,was pretty together(so I thought) but today is a whole different day.
Johns`s Bday was Thurs-had to leave work-didn`t do although had all kinds of plans.Was supposed to go have dinner and such with a close friend.Nothing went right-took Ativan all day and slept.Today i can`t even realize why I`m here-when John was here I had a purpose-now nothing-Funny but we have a diabetic cat who actually got snacks for breakfast this morning.The point I`m trying to make is I MISS JOHN AND REALLY HAVE A HARD TIME ON WHAT TO DO NEXT.I will NEVER get over this.

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Tracie,
I commiserate with you. As I truly know how you feel because what you said about having a purpose and now nothing rings true for me and I feel the exact same way. This is just an emotional roller coaster I'm on now and every day is different. I also believe I will never get over this. Four months ago today my husband passed away. I wouldn't have imagined this in my worst nightmare that this would ever happen because I always thought there would be a healing, a cure, or something. All I am doing now is taking a day at a time, that's all I can do. I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
God bless,
Suzanne
Hello Tracie,
My name is Tom.
I lost my wife Loni Dec. 9th, 2009.
Now I'm retired and spend my days sleeping, watching T.V. until I'm bord with it, then come to the computer for a while. I have 11 cats I take care of, that keeps me busy all day also. I would be still working if Loni was alive, and come home to her and complain about all my aches and pains. Loni would laugh at me and tell me that I'm getting old. I would tell her I'm catching up with her. The truth is my aches and pains are really bad, but that didn't matter when Loni was alive, Id work with them. I can't do that now. It's only me to take care of the kitties as I promised Loni I would do. And I can't afford to be hurt now. I have to be around these little guys throughout the day, they can get into trouble so easy, and I have to be here to get them out. I've discovered that I would be doing what I'm doing with Loni or without Loni these days anyway. I miss my Loni so much and it hurts to come home without her being here. I've excepted that last point that Loni is gone and won't be here for me. It's hard though. I look at her picture and talk to her everyday. It's a help. It's all I have now. I will go on and be the best I can, I promised Loni I would also take care of myself too. And I will !
So I guess what I'm trying to say is do what you will do on any day, and except that's just what you would be doing anyway, but now you are just doing it by yourself. It's a start to understanding your life now. You probable won't "get over it", But you can learn to live with it. My best to you ! Tom
Tracie, I know how you feel because I feel pretty much the same. I have my husband on my mind constantly. Everytime I hear a song, watch a tv show or baseball game, or if I am cleaning up in the house or driving in the car, he is on my mind. I remember so many good times we had together. I can remember back to the days we were dating (and that was a really long time ago). I have a beautiful family and I love them very much but I look forward to the day that I am reunited with him. We were always together through everything. I cannot just give up all the feelings that I had for him and just pretend that it doesn't matter because it does matter very much. I start doing something and then I can't remember what it is that I was doing or why. I know that it is from lonliness. Tracie, I don't know how we are going to get through it but together maybe we can all make it. Hang in there Tracie. We are all with you.
Suzanne, I am so happy to see you on line again.

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I think we all look forward to being reunited. Today was my youngest grandson's birthday. He was five. We had a family birthday party just as we did last year, except that last year my husband, Tim, cooked the hot dogs. My daughter said," We never really knew how much Daddy did until he wasn't here to do it." I know that four months is a very short period of time but it does hurt. What hurt the most was coming home to an empty house. But than my daughter, Shannon, took a break from cleaning up the party stuff and came over to have a cup of coffee with me. She said, " I know you must miss Daddy because I do." I am grateful for my kids and grandkids but absolutely nothing makes the pain go away. After my son died someone told me, " Grief is the price we pay for love." I guess that is true but the price is high. I believe if you are here there's a purpose but life seems pretty empy right now. I will say a prayer for you.
Tracie,I lost my husband in Sept 09.The victim's advocate left me a little booklet and in it was this passage .I found it comforting and have posted it before,I'd like to share it with you."In all things gratitude.It is difficult at times to find a reason to be grateful.and this is one of those times.But this grief is also a gift that reminds us of our own capacity to love and be loved.Grief is borne of the loss of human relationship;the deeper we have loved,the deeper the grief.None of us would ever relinquish the privilege of having loved,the gift of having held,cherished,and cared for the other.So with hearts filled with pain,and eyes filled with tears,we nonetheless give thanks for the incredible gift of love that will be ours for the rest of our days."It's true we will never get over this.But hopefully we will be in less pain.

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