I have been thinking about the idiotic things people have said to me. I am sure they all mean well but...
so here they are:
-"hey baby, wanna date" (at my husbands funeral-thanks husband's best man)

-"don't worry you're a good lookin woman, you'll get a new husband" (at the funeral-thanks husband's godfather)

-"at least you lost some weight" (funeral again - thanks mother)

-"well, he was cremated, at least that's environmentally friendly" (thanks aunt C. that made things soooo much better)

-"he was only your husband,how do you think I feel"
(ahhhhh, thanks MIL)

-"I know you don't believe me but I loved my dog as much as you loved Terry" (Jen? did you really say that to me?)

But my all time stupid think people say to me is;
"HOW ARE YOU?"
I used to not know how to answer that one, now I just say "MY HUSBAND DIED!" That shuts them up quickly.

Any one have anymore to add to the list?

Love, hugs and peace.
Basia

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Replies to This Discussion

Basia, I was asked when I would sell my house because it has a car mechanic license (people like to get their hands on). Some people ask a genuienly question but why ask if any normal person knows how someone would feel like if you soul mate husband passed away. I got one horrible man who my husband never liked and he said I should go out more and I am still young to get married again and i told him that I am still married. He looked so stupid and was under my car (thinking accidents happen)! Connie, I am so with you! I am keeping myself to myself and people curiosity makes them ask so .... questions. The fact that I still go there every day to talk to him or even sit in silence makes people think I gone mad.
When I hear the word normal I always smile and say if they need optical aid because the world is not normal "My Dear". This stupid of being restrained of emotions is total nonesense. I really miss him because only my Baby understands me so well. One person even asked when I dropped some of my sons clothes to a charity shop if I gave my husband away.Why is it that people have to pretend to care! I miss my Nan too, she was a strong woman who always told everyone who asked after my grandad passed away how she felt to upset and asked later how they feel now..lol. She passed away the day after my husbands funeral. I kept his wedding ring and will give it back when I pass away as I am trying to find a private burial place to build a mausoleum for the whole family.
I had called the cable company (I won't name it) to try and decrease some of the cost of the services. I told the man I was talking to that my husband had passed away and I didn't watch a lot these stations and didn't need all the movie channels. He expressed his condolences and proceeded to adjust the service. Before we hung up, he then asked me if I didn't want to add the sports channels as a summer gift for my husband. I told him, no, that my husband was fishing on the shores of heaven and he had already paid the price to do that. As bad as that hurt, I still have to laugh at that one. People need to be sure their brain is engaged before they put their mouth in gear.
What about the mail from insurance companies for "life" insurance! Love that one.
basia: i do not know if you received my respond to your comment about stupid things people say i would like to add one for you: a couple of months ago i was going out to lunch and ran into someone i know (no a close friend) she said to me why don't you come out with my friends and her i do not know her friends and she is just someone i know well her response was : WHY NOT YOU DO NOT HAVE A MAN WAITNG AT HOME FOR YOU: nice
I know what you mean. 2 MONTHS after I lost Harry, I was in the hospital with my Dad who had had a stroke on Valentine's day. I was in therapy with him and I didn't even notice that there was music playing until "My Girl" came on. That was the first time I had heard a song that meant something to us both. I just started crying uncontrollably. There was a man sitting there in a wheelchair and he said your dad is donig good. I said I know and told him why I was crying. He said, aww there's plenty of men out there for you!!!!!!! I couldn't even answer and I thought my poor Mother was going to swallow her tongue!!! I left a liittle angry and a lot sad. I know the man meant well but it was TWO months and now dealing with the possibility of losing my Dad who ahs been in the hospital 2 more x's since. God love him. He turned 80 the day before the stroke. I can't even BEGIN to count how many "He's in a better place" comments I got. HOW can he be? He's in an urn in my ANGEL cabinet!!!!!! He should be sitting on his chair next to me!!!! Sometimes I wish people would just hug you and walk away. Another classic is "it's for the best". The best for WHO? I could go on and on but as you can see, I'm getting my IRISH up so I had better stop, count to 10 and say goodbye for
now.
Oh my God! that's just plain cruel!

kathy obiedzinski said:
basia: i do not know if you received my respond to your comment about stupid things people say i would like to add one for you: a couple of months ago i was going out to lunch and ran into someone i know (no a close friend) she said to me why don't you come out with my friends and her i do not know her friends and she is just someone i know well her response was : WHY NOT YOU DO NOT HAVE A MAN WAITNG AT HOME FOR YOU: nice
I still have a hard time filling out paperwork that asks marital status. In some cases like SS you HAVE to answer widowed. BUT..after you do that the next question is When did this marriage end?? I just lost it. To ME that was pouring salt in the wound. So, It's not just people's verbal remarks...paperwork should be more sensitive. I had already answered date of death!!!! I just cringe when I see some of the things on here that some of you have endured. I must admit no one in my family or friends have offended me. It's people I don't know so I can deal with that a little easier. OMG, as I am writing this, the news is on and they just told a story about 2 family members who stole a $500 diamond ring off the body of a loved was while she was in the casket at the funeral home!!! Try getting through something like THAT!!!!!
When my mom died, internal bleeding, I watched her literally, slowly dying, I had to handle her affairs such as closing out her checking acct. About 4 months later I go a questionaire form from her bank asking "why" she closed her acct.. I really didnt need that. SHE DIED!!!!!!! No place on there for that. Hugs to all as I am not coping well with the loss of my wife of 44 years. Its been over 13 months now and I miss my pal sooo much. Yes, hugs are nice.
My last post didn't make it on here for some reason.
So now that I've sleep on this, here's what I think we should do.
I think we should start our own gang of widows and widowers, with black leather vest and have a big black widow on the back of it. We can carry mace, and stun guns, and our canes and walkers with us. Our slogan can be; Talk to me at your own risk ! Just a thought ! Tom
I think that is a great idea!!!!! No one would bother us with stupid remarks then. Probably no one would talk to us at all. And that might not be a bad thing.
Once again Tom, you have provided me with a smile for the day. That's a good one!!!!

Tom said:
My last post didn't make it on here for some reason.
So now that I've sleep on this, here's what I think we should do.
I think we should start our own gang of widows and widowers, with black leather vest and have a big black widow on the back of it. We can carry mace, and stun guns, and our canes and walkers with us. Our slogan can be; Talk to me at your own risk ! Just a thought ! Tom

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