Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on June 7, 2010 at 12:13pm

I never liked to cook but did so lovingly for my family. Bo was a very good cook and he would cook often. With Bo gone and just me and my son left in the house, I make sure my son is fed (he has very simple taste). I eat whatever is on hand. People in Hawaii eat rice everyday. It was a must for Bo with his meals so I cooked rice everyday. My son does not eat rice so I rarely cook it. It is sandwiches for me most days. Like everything, there is no joy in everyday things, eating is one of them.

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on June 7, 2010 at 12:17pm

Kathy, I know exactly what you are saying. Why bother. I hate going grocery shopping, I usually end up leaving in tears. I pick up something and then think...okay and who is going to help me eat this and I end up putting it back and only picking up the bare essentials. I have lost 50 pounds since Larry passed away, and although I do eat sensibly, I think it is the grieving and stress melting the pounds away. It is not the same cooking for one. I have started inviting my family over for dinner quite often just so I have someone to eat with. On the 9th will be 10 months since Larry passed away. I miss him terribly. I hope we all can find the strength to carry on.
Take care Yvonne

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on June 7, 2010 at 12:31pm

Hugs to all, I am doing all the same things you are doing. As of 3 months ago at the docs I have lost 28 pounds and counting. Of course being a man my "good" meals is very limited. My wife was a great cook and I miss her sooooo much. So I go without all of the great things only she could do.My fridge is bare,my freezer is bare,my pantry is bare and the empty house is bare without my wife, my pal. Doing anything means nothing without my wife including grocery shopping.I eat but its what I feel like and if I feel like making it. This "new" life sucks bigtime, doesnt it ? Yep, one heckuva situation. So I just keep my zombie way of existing.

Permalink Reply by Basia on June 7, 2010 at 12:45pm

I hate cooking. Even though we have 4 school age kids , I really just cooked for Terry. Now, I just put together quick and crappy meals. At dinner the kids chat among themselves and I just sit there. Mealtimes used to be a great time for us. My kids were homeschooled and Terry came home for lunch , so we ate two big meals together. We would joke around and talk about our days and Terry would fill me in on what's happening at work and around town. Now I just sit there. And I don't want to sit there anymore.

Permalink Reply by Connie on June 7, 2010 at 1:36pm

Kathy, I don't know if you are right or not but I know that I don't like to cook either. Part of my problem is that I don't know how to cook for one person. If I do cook something, I have enough to feed an army and I end up throwing it in the garbage. I have plenty of meat in my freezer but I am just taking what is the oldest and throwing it away. I don't care if, when, and what I eat. I have been buying Mystic Pizza at BJ's and a lot of days I bake that and that is my lunch and dinner. I don't eat breakfast. Even with my daughter home from school now, I just don't want to cook. It seems as though the only time I do cook is if my grandchildren are going to be here and they have their favorites. I will cook for them. That's not to say that I eat even then. The only problem is that I have been gaining weight and I have no idea why. I buy fresh vegetables and fruit and throw it away. I am trying to stay out of the grocery store so that I don't buy any more food. Life really stinks, doesn't it. I so wish it was over.

Permalink Reply by Connie on June 7, 2010 at 1:42pm

Randoplph, I feel so sorry for you. I have wondered how a man would deal with this situation and it appears as though you are having the same hard time that we are all having. I just wish that someone would tell me what they are eating and losing weight because I just can't lose any weight but keep putting it on. You do have my sincere sympathy and I whole heartedly agree with your opinion of this "new" life.

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on June 7, 2010 at 1:47pm

Hi Kathy,
I feel really bad for those who go through this grieving and having to take care of your children. It must be really hard for you. When Danny first passed away I started getting TV dinners (I never knew how awful they taste) and ice cream and pizza and junk. I was crying while I was eating and now I don't enjoy food and I don't want to enjoy it. When we used to eat together at the time I had no idea he'd be leaving me, so I would cook for the both of us and sometimes he cooked, sometimes we cooked together and I loved to eat and enjoyed it too much probably. All of my family always said I was a great cook. Now I haven't used the stove since last February and I just eat because I have to and I lost 40 lbs. I use the ensure that he didn't finish just to use it up because I don't want to throw it out and I tried offering it to whoever needed it but the expiration date is this year so I figure if no one wants to drink it, I will. But I know exactly what you mean, I feel the same way. If I didn't have to eat, I wouldn't. From lots of sources I've heard that this happens. When we lose our spouse they say we should take care of ourselves by making sure we eat right and go to our doctors, blah, blah, blah. You know the drill, I'm sure. But, for me I just don't feel like it, my heart is just not with the living. But, whoever wants to move on, don't go by me. I'm just stating how I feel. And I know we are all different. But, to be brutally honest, I just don't care anymore, but strangely enough I take care of what I need to do for myself anyway. It seems that God is carrying me through this.
God bless all of you.
Suzanne

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on June 7, 2010 at 3:28pm

Thank you Connie, yes, a man has the same problems but I always figured it was easier for a woman than a man in life anyway. In many ways. I have no one to share with, to be around, to have around.As for the eating, I never ate breakfast, would eat a little for brunch, then a nice meal at dinner with wife. Now,sometimes I eat a cinn. roll with the coffee,nothing for brunch, a can of soup or a sandwich late afternoon and a frozen pizza or tv dinner at night. I'm off the tv dinners, yuck LOL. I eat a good meal or two a week with my g-son when he spends the night 'cause he needs to eat. I cant say that there is a secret to what to eat as we are all differant. A friend I have online at a gamesight lost her husband 6 years ago and has gained so much weight it is unbelievable. All she does is eat and play games on the computer.I'm too lazy to even fix toast for myself. Lately I have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches here and there and nothing else.Its quick and easy. Hugs to you and to everybody. Hugs are nice.

Permalink Reply by Kim Hawkins on June 7, 2010 at 3:58pm

I can sure relate to this. I have two children who are now 6 and 16. They were 4 and 14 when Barry passed away. I did love to ccok. Barry was also a great cook. We liked to cook together. We did eat out some but he started saying my cooking was better than the resturants. I cook things for the two of us my kids would not eat. Even though I am a picky eating and always have been I loved to cook new things for Barry. I even collect cookbooks from different places we went. We loved to take recipes change them and make them our own. My youngest used to call him the Chicken man beacuse he liked to take whole chickens put different spices on them to see what they were like. After he passed away I didnt want to cook . A lot of people we knew sent us gift cards from places in town so I would go and get take out and bring it home to the kids. Sometimes I would get something and sometimes not. My oldest said mom you do not eat enough. I to have lost weight. The thing about that is people say to me have you lost weight . How did you do it? I look at them and say grieve and stress. I have started to cook a little more but not as much as I used to. I cook maybe 9 times a month. We eat out . My children are in sports and other things so most of the time it is just easier to eat out. Only God can get me though . I pray everday for strength. I have to go on for my children and I know Barry would eant that. I am still broken hearted. I don't want my children to get older and say the day my Dad passed away my Mom died too. Barry would not want that at all. God bless everyone.

Permalink Reply by Patricia L. Herrera on June 7, 2010 at 5:02pm

Yes Kathy, I also do no feel like cooking. Who wants to cook for one person, it's more trouble than it's worth. Unfortunately, I cannot give up food so i do shop and buy things to eat. I wish I could lose my appetite. My Son had asked me to make a dish that was one of my husbands favorites and at first I told him "no" I didn't feel like cooking, especially Ray's favorite. Then, I thought, I must not forget my kids, they need me too. So, a week ago Saturday I did cook his favorite and had my son and his lady friend over for dinner. I gave all the left over food away but it did make my son feel happy and I'm glad I did make it for him. It's so hard to do all the things that I used to do for years and years. I'm hoping with time, that all will get better. Kathy, do you have children or grandchildren? yes, as much as we hate being alone on this journey, life still goes on and we must too. I hope you start feeling better Kathy and get back into the swing of things. I keep trying everyday to make my life better.
Love & God bless,
Pat in Texas

Permalink Reply by Hurting on June 7, 2010 at 6:13pm

Hi Kathy, when my husband left me on Dec 23, 2009. First 13 days we didn't cook anything as all the people that come bring food with them. Till end of Jan I didn't cook anything at home but I have 3 boys and one of them is 15 yr old. At that age they are always hungry and there was no way I could starve them. So In the past I use to cook for all of us and now I cook for my kids. My life might never be the same again but for them a sense of normalcy has to take place. My 15 yr old remembers his dad all the time as his dad use to cook special dishes for him. He had been daddy's boy for 15 yrs and now?

Permalink Reply by Virginia on June 7, 2010 at 8:18pm

I am with you all, I use to cook anything and all the time, my husband would say nobody cooks as good as you I bye pre made frozen food that only takes 15 minutes and don't have the will to do that. I eat a peanutbutter sandwich or bowl of cereal. I was on a chinese food kick for a long time but have backed away from it now.I always cooked hugh holiday meals this past thanksgiving was the first in 32 yrs. I didn't cook I went to a friends house big mistake, so christmas I cooked. I cook every now and then when my nephew and his wife are comming and my sister is off but not often.It truelly does suck. Virginia

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