Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Tina Clark on July 14, 2010 at 12:03am

I am so sorry to hear about your loss that just recently happened. My mother passed away 5 months ago and I feel it was just yesterday. I miss her terribly and it is not the same without her. She is with the Lord and she lived to be 90 yrs old, but that doesn't matter. She told me that she was strong enough to live until 100! This was last October when she was strong. This happened very quickly.
God bless you.

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Thomas on July 14, 2010 at 1:27pm

I'm so sorry for your loss, Tina! In the past, I've talked to people who have lost their parents, and they've tried to describe how devastating it was, but I just couldn't imagine it. Now I'm living it and the pain is horrible! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Tina Clark said:

I am so sorry to hear about your loss that just recently happened. My mother passed away 5 months ago and I feel it was just yesterday. I miss her terribly and it is not the same without her. She is with the Lord and she lived to be 90 yrs old, but that doesn't matter. She told me that she was strong enough to live until 100! This was last October when she was strong. This happened very quickly.
God bless you.

Permalink Reply by Belinda Rhodes on July 14, 2010 at 3:57pm

Dear Rebecca and Tina,

I am so sorry for the days you are facing. I lost my mom in December, and I have been a mess. I want to be more encouraging, but your parents are your foundation of who you are. Grief of a parent is a new vocabulary word for me, and I now realize how hard it is to loose the one you trusted from day one. Rebecca, you have not nearly a month to take it all in, if that is even possible. Please ask your family and friends to help you get your dad settled, without your mom. The memory loss and lack of desire to socialize are very normal.
Please know your mom is with you, spiritually, but not physically. Take time to learn how to be as close to her spiritually as you were when she was on this earth physically.
I know my family and friends got tired of my grief behavior very quickly, but you know I think the world is just full of chaos and pain, so much of the time....people tend to forget their journeys when they were in this very situation.

This support group has been such a blessing. I can seek advice, share advice, and blast out my anger when I need to. I hope you both let me know how things are going, as we all are experiencing a loss that we never wanted to think about.

Know that you are in my prayers, and hugs to the both of you! Belinda Rhodes

Permalink Reply by Mo on July 14, 2010 at 4:35pm

Hi Rebecca,

I also lost a parent recently. My dad passed away on 2/22/10. My world feels like it's been turned upside down. I feel like I am not acting like myself and my attitude has changed, it's a very strange feeling.

I know it's a struggle, because I struggle every day with it. You will feel normal again one day, whatever "normal" is for you. Just remember to take your time, they call it a "process" for a reason. Some days I find myself questioning why I am acting the way I am, and I just have to let it go. The grieving process is different for everyone, just remember that. You have to be a little selfish right now.

Permalink Reply by Lorraine C O'Garro on July 16, 2010 at 4:48pm

You need to allow your emotions of grief express themselves. You are not alone in the journey. I lost my mom, March 31, 2010 and I felt as though I would not be able to go on without her. I cried every day, there were times when I'd wake up crying. All things I tried to do were permeated by sadness and tears. I still cry, but I'm feeling better overall. I have read many books and spiritual material, especially the Word to help me with my struggle. But I know it sounds contrite. but these feelings will eventually mellow and you will smile again and resume enjoying life.

I just this week began to sleep in the room I had prepared for my mom when she became ill and was with me. I slept through till the AM. No tears, no overwhelming sense of loss. I'm still fragile emotionally and I except this.

Take it one day at a time, don't overdo it. Try and find some time for yourself. You need to keep your health up.


x

Permalink Reply by Andrea on July 16, 2010 at 6:45pm

My mother passed away 3 months ago and I can relate to what you are saying here. My memory was over active or just non existent in the first few weeks. Ancestry.com has a list of questions that trigger memories of loved ones, I found this to be very helpful for figuring out how to make a memorial scrapbook or memory box. This is a major loss so I have just accepted that things are just not normal right now. Suddenly I remembered to make the coffee and that my favorite tv show was coming on...its the little trivial things that remind me that I am moving forward and reflect on how little energy I have had to work with. It's slowly returning a little at a time though. Take care

Permalink Reply by Belinda Rhodes on July 17, 2010 at 11:26am

Lorraine,
Thank you so much for taking the time to care. I look forward to the day when I can just be, and be positive that this is my own grief, and this sounds immature, we all will be so much better when others quit judging, and avoiding....I need to nurture my own soul, and nobody will ever know how mom was probably my best motivator to be who I am today. I thank God that even if it was not perfect, I would not change it for the WORLD! Stay in touch! Belinda

Lorraine C O'Garro said:

You need to allow your emotions of grief express themselves. You are not alone in the journey. I lost my mom, March 31, 2010 and I felt as though I would not be able to go on without her. I cried every day, there were times when I'd wake up crying. All things I tried to do were permeated by sadness and tears. I still cry, but I'm feeling better overall. I have read many books and spiritual material, especially the Word to help me with my struggle. But I know it sounds contrite. but these feelings will eventually mellow and you will smile again and resume enjoying life.

I just this week began to sleep in the room I had prepared for my mom when she became ill and was with me. I slept through till the AM. No tears, no overwhelming sense of loss. I'm still fragile emotionally and I except this.

Take it one day at a time, don't overdo it. Try and find some time for yourself. You need to keep your health up.


x

Permalink Reply by Belinda Rhodes on July 17, 2010 at 11:29am

Andrea, you are so right....the little things affirm our progress! Bless you and thanks for sharing and caring! Belinda

Andrea said:

My mother passed away 3 months ago and I can relate to what you are saying here. My memory was over active or just non existent in the first few weeks. Ancestry.com has a list of questions that trigger memories of loved ones, I found this to be very helpful for figuring out how to make a memorial scrapbook or memory box. This is a major loss so I have just accepted that things are just not normal right now. Suddenly I remembered to make the coffee and that my favorite tv show was coming on...its the little trivial things that remind me that I am moving forward and reflect on how little energy I have had to work with. It's slowly returning a little at a time though. Take care

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Thomas on July 17, 2010 at 4:37pm

Thank you everyone who has replied! Today I'm feeling things that are making me feel guilty. I feel angry, indignant and ready to rip someone apart!! I also feel invisible and forgotten by the very ones who SHOULD be caring about me. Today we had a bad experience at a local restaurant, and I just wanted to be nasty and demand a partial refund, at the very least. My husband paid the bill and when I reminded him about the discount card, they wouldn't take it at the point, and told him that he'd have to call some 800 number to get the discount. He just went back and handed in his card because we won't be back. It seems that, according to friends, relatives and Christians alike, I'm supposed to be glad and forgiving ALL of the time. At my mom's funeral and since, I haven't received any sympathy cards, flowers, and none of the members of my own church came, sent food or called me. I KNOW that it's not all about me, but does my grief and loss count at all? Oh, yes, several ppl responded with condolences on my Facebook page, including my pastor, but that's hardly personal. Thanks for putting up with my rant, if you're still reading. And I'm sorry...I'm not usually given to pity parties.

Belinda Rhodes said:

Lorraine,
Thank you so much for taking the time to care. I look forward to the day when I can just be, and be positive that this is my own grief, and this sounds immature, we all will be so much better when others quit judging, and avoiding....I need to nurture my own soul, and nobody will ever know how mom was probably my best motivator to be who I am today. I thank God that even if it was not perfect, I would not change it for the WORLD! Stay in touch! Belinda

Lorraine C O'Garro said:

You need to allow your emotions of grief express themselves. You are not alone in the journey. I lost my mom, March 31, 2010 and I felt as though I would not be able to go on without her. I cried every day, there were times when I'd wake up crying. All things I tried to do were permeated by sadness and tears. I still cry, but I'm feeling better overall. I have read many books and spiritual material, especially the Word to help me with my struggle. But I know it sounds contrite. but these feelings will eventually mellow and you will smile again and resume enjoying life.

I just this week began to sleep in the room I had prepared for my mom when she became ill and was with me. I slept through till the AM. No tears, no overwhelming sense of loss. I'm still fragile emotionally and I except this.

Take it one day at a time, don't overdo it. Try and find some time for yourself. You need to keep your health up.


x

Permalink Reply by Cheryl on July 18, 2010 at 10:25am

Rebecca, most of my adult life was spent worrying about the day my mother would die. I felt I could never go on without her. She died Dec 3, 2009. I am 57 and she was 87. The journey is very hard every single day. But I am surprised to find that I am going on. I pray a lot and ask God to comfort me and hold me in his arms and I talk to my mother and God together. I think His plan is to build me into someone like my mother and then we will rejoin again.

Sometimes I daydream that she is going to come to the front door and say hi again. And you will think many crazy thoughts. Don't think you are crazy. Just let yourself take the journey and let God mold you.

Reach out to people who will let you talk. Many will feel akward and think they need to cheer you up so you need to talk to people who will let you talk about your mom and who will listen quietly.

I am so sorry and I KNOW how awful it is. There are many people suffering. You may find that you have a deeper level of compassion for those who are suffering. I have found some comfort in realizing I am more compassionate and reaching out to people who are in pain. I am also finding that some special people have entered my life here and there, who I think God is sending to help in the journey.

It is time to pamper yourself and love yourself and remember your mother is watching you with love and waiting til you are together again. Get lots of rest and eat nourishing foods.

Until the day when you see her again, remember she is happy and feeling young and vibrant. There will be a time when you find yourself happy again even though that is hard to imagine. Then after your own journey, you will see her again which will be an incredible joy!

Blessings and comfort to you, Cheryl

Permalink Reply by Dawn Price on July 18, 2010 at 11:12am

Rebecca,

I know right where you are at. Her death is so fresh still. You will feel normal again it just takes time. I lost my Mom in 08 and my Dad this March. Give yourself time to grieve, but remember life still goes on and you Mother would want nothing more than for you to continue on. The pain will eventually lessen, but it does take time. Get the rest your body needs, so that you stay healthy yourself. Find friends, a pastor, therapist, or even people on this site to talk too. Talking is good! You are in my thoughts and prayers. If you need anything just e-mail from this site. Take Care! Dawn

Permalink Reply by Louis on July 18, 2010 at 5:09pm

I am sorry to hear this i lost my mother in 1998 to cancer and my father to an aorta collapse just in May 2010,i still feel this way sometimes,sleeping and eating became real issue,plus i battled through substance abuse,i still break down and feel alone and depressed,but i know i have to deal with it,and over time things will get better,but i know what your feeling all to well.

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