Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Karen on July 18, 2010 at 5:39pm

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad a little over a year ago suddenly, he had a massive heart attack and he was gone. I am 1 of 3 children and I am the only one still in the area and I have been making sure my mom is ok. She is 67 but my dad did everything around the house from the cars to the pool to just being my moms best friend. It's really hard to see the light in her eyes is gone without my dad and I try to so the best I can to help her continue on and by doing that it helps me too because my dad use to say if any thing ever happens to me just take care of ma. My hear is broke and life is so different without my dad but I try to remember I had 41 wonderful years with him and so many great memories. My biggest regret is not having the chance to let him know how much I loved him and to say goodbye. People say I am lucky I didn't have to see him suffer and he had no pain, but I would have gladly taken care of him until his last breath. I wasn't given the choice. Sometimes I am angry but then I know it will not help me or my mom. My words to you are hang in there and take care of your dad, by doing that you will be honoring your mom and the rest will fall in place. Yesterday was a Memorial Bass Fishing Tournament in memory of my dad and today was a Butterfly release in memory of a loved one. I keep my dads memory alive by getting involved with functions to remember him.. I miss him terribly and not a day goes by I don't wish I had him here. I have to believe everything happens for a reason. Remember the years you had with your mom and all your wonderful memories. I participated in a grief and loss group through Hospice and one thing they encouraged us to do was think of your most precious memory and when you get sad and you are down, remember that memory and go back to that place and time. Sometimes it really helps and turns the tears into a smile.

Permalink Reply by BarbP on July 18, 2010 at 5:43pm

Dear Rebecca,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, my prayers go out to you. I can empathize with what you are going through right now - I lost both my parents in 2009 10 days apart and my heart still aches sometimes with missing them. It is hard to move through the grief process, but give yourself time for it. I, too am a Christian, and even though we are glad that they are no longer suffering in any way, we miss them in our everyday lives and that brings heartache for awhile. But, to give you hope, the heartache does lessen, your memory will improve again, and your energy will return as you heal.. Take extra good care of yourself - it's been 16 months since the loss of my parents and I am just beginning to feel back to my normal self and ready to get out with friends and family on a more consistent basis. Everyone grieves in their own way and time - may you find strength and peace as you go through this difficult time. God Bless.

Permalink Reply by dianna on July 19, 2010 at 12:48pm

Oh sweet..My Dad passed Aug 12 09. I felt the same way. People told me it would be allright....It still isn't but I can assure you that it is better. MUCH BETTER. Please dont try to stop grieving.because all your experiencing has to happen! It is a process of emotions you have to release. You are in my prayers......Dede

Permalink Reply by Angie on July 19, 2010 at 1:22pm

Tomorrow will be 5 months (2/20/2010) since my mother lost her battle to stay with us. I am so comforted reading the words written here. It is almost like attending a grief support group! I agree with those who wonder if they will be able to survive these feelings of loss, anger, and sadness. Accepting that you will never be the same is difficult. I too felt like part of me died with my Mother. As the oldest daughter, I must help my father and lead my family to someplace new...Grief is a rollercoaster, and there is no right way to do it...Please be kind to yourself and don't let anyone tell you what to feel or how long to feel it! I know I will never get over losing my mother. My hope is that I can go on without her in a way that will make her proud and be worthy of her love and the life she lived. It is the least I can do...

Permalink Reply by Tara on July 19, 2010 at 6:00pm

my mom died a month 1 day before. im an only child who is helping my dad outas well but i cant talk to him. im sure he wouldnt mind but it gets him started on the same thing over n over again making it worse... i completely understand

Permalink Reply by Bobbi on July 19, 2010 at 7:49pm

Dear Rebecca: I am so sorry over the loss of your dear mother. I understand your pain as I lost my mother 10 May 2009 on Mother's Day. She was 80 five days prior. It's been a little over a year now and the pain has subsided somewhat. Mama was extremely ill with Alzheimer's and while I did all I could while she was alive, even if I could, I wouldn't bring her back in the shape she was in for even my own life. I am the oldest in the direct blood line clear back to 1818 on Mama's side of my family. Daddy passed in 1992 and while I have siblings, it's hard knowing that I'm the one everyone looks to for support. I pray God will give you the peace you need to get thru this difficult time in your life. I also understand about the memory issues. For a while after Mama passed, I had horrid nightmares where I would be in a large grassy field and in the distance, I could see both my parents. They appeared to be together and walking away from me. It took several months for me to realize that my sub-conscious mind was tying to tell me that they weren't coming back. As Christians, we have the blessed hope that while we can't bring our loved ones back...we can go to them. Our God is a merciful God and has promised never to put more on us that we are able to bear. God bless you and keep you. Your Dad will need your support and and comfort.
Your sister in pain.....Bobbi

Permalink Reply by Pamela on July 20, 2010 at 5:02am

My heart goes out to each of you who have lost one or more of your parents. I lost my sweet Mother a month ago today, June 20, 2010. She was 88. She was, and still is, my Best Friend. We had lived together my whole life, 53 years. Even after I married for the first time at age 51, we continued living together as my husband moved in with us. My Daddy went to Heaven 35 yrs. before at age 53. My Mother never looked at another man after that. On May 21, 2010, she fell backwards using her potty chair which was next to her recliner in our living room. She had a couple of falls before in the past 9 yrs., and this time she was in the worst pain I had ever seen her in. It was heartbreaking. Our only option was major back surgery. Early into the operation she vomited into her lungs and had to be on a ventilator for the rest of her life. I never got to hear her sweet voice again after the surgery due to being on the ventilator. She could only nod or sqeeze my hand. I was by her side for 12 hours a day for almost a month. Then due to respiratory failure and pneumonia she passed peacefully into Heaven on Father's Day. When my family knew she wasn't going to make it, I prayed that she would go home to be with my Daddy on Father's Day. She had missed him so much for 35 yrs. I was by her side the last 20 minutes of her life on Earth. I was caressing her forehead as she slept peacefully and telling her how much I loved her, and I told her that Daddy was waiting for her with open arms. At 11:56 p.m., I looked up at the clock and prayed she would hang on a few more minutes, and then at 12:01 a.m. I felt her spirit leave her body. She had made it to Father's Day, and he was there welcoming the Best Mother home. Father's Day had always been hard for me, but now I will remember it as the day my Mother and Daddy were reunited after 35 yrs. apart. Through my tears, I was glad that she was now TOTALLY well with a brand new heavenly body and that she was with Daddy.

For awhile I went through the "if only's." "If only" I had been standing near her when she fell I might have stopped her fall, or "if only" she had not vomited into her lungs she might still be here. I knew it was futile to keep thinking "if only." But then just a few days ago, I realized a great truth - God does not make ANY mistakes. He has every day of our lives written down in His book of our life even before we are born. He knows when we are going to be born on Earth, and He knows the exact date that He is taking us Home. And He knows all the circumstances involved on Earth leading up to that day, and nothing can change that. He knew that my Mother's body had fought hard enough and had gotten tired, and that it was the date for her to come Home. It gives me great peace that she will never be sick or broken again, and that she is with my Daddy now forever and ever, and with other loved ones that are in Heaven.

I miss her SO very much. We were always together, you hardly ever saw one of us without the other. She used a walker in our house and I pushed her in her wheelchair when we would be out. We went everywhere together. She always wanted to be with me, and vice versa. I am so thankful I had 53 wonderful years with her. But even so, I had planned on her being around longer. Our family always told her she was going to make it to 100. She never looked her age. She was SO beautiful. I can't even imagine how beautiful she must be now in Heaven. I still cry every day, but I can hear her voice in my head saying "I don't want my girl to be crying." I know she would be saying that. Yesterday was the first day I had been out to see friends. Two of my classmates from way back in high school met for lunch. I know my Mother would have wanted me to get out of the house and have a nice time with them. It did feel good to get out and socialize for the first time. The only other places I had been was to the store or to the cemetery to put flowers on my parents' graves. Whenever I go out driving,

Permalink Reply by Pamela on July 20, 2010 at 5:34am

I've been taking a photograph of her with me and placing it in the seat beside me. I can feel her presence everywhere I go. None of us knows how Heaven works, but I feel God loves us so much that he allows our parents that are in Heaven to go back and forth to check on their children. I talk to her every day and feel that she hears me. A peace comes over me and I am reassured that she is right beside me.

Sorry I messed up and this reply came out on 2 separate replies. It got chopped off on the one above this.



I hope anything I have shared will help someone who has lost their Mother or Dad. May God comfort you with His peace. He is available 24/7, 365 days a year and His line is never busy.

Pamela said:

My heart goes out to each of you who have lost one or more of your parents. I lost my sweet Mother a month ago today, June 20, 2010. She was 88. She was, and still is, my Best Friend. We had lived together my whole life, 53 years. Even after I married for the first time at age 51, we continued living together as my husband moved in with us. My Daddy went to Heaven 35 yrs. before at age 53. My Mother never looked at another man after that. On May 21, 2010, she fell backwards using her potty chair which was next to her recliner in our living room. She had a couple of falls before in the past 9 yrs., and this time she was in the worst pain I had ever seen her in. It was heartbreaking. Our only option was major back surgery. Early into the operation she vomited into her lungs and had to be on a ventilator for the rest of her life. I never got to hear her sweet voice again after the surgery due to being on the ventilator. She could only nod or sqeeze my hand. I was by her side for 12 hours a day for almost a month. Then due to respiratory failure and pneumonia she passed peacefully into Heaven on Father's Day. When my family knew she wasn't going to make it, I prayed that she would go home to be with my Daddy on Father's Day. She had missed him so much for 35 yrs. I was by her side the last 20 minutes of her life on Earth. I was caressing her forehead as she slept peacefully and telling her how much I loved her, and I told her that Daddy was waiting for her with open arms. At 11:56 p.m., I looked up at the clock and prayed she would hang on a few more minutes, and then at 12:01 a.m. I felt her spirit leave her body. She had made it to Father's Day, and he was there welcoming the Best Mother home. Father's Day had always been hard for me, but now I will remember it as the day my Mother and Daddy were reunited after 35 yrs. apart. Through my tears, I was glad that she was now TOTALLY well with a brand new heavenly body and that she was with Daddy.

For awhile I went through the "if only's." "If only" I had been standing near her when she fell I might have stopped her fall, or "if only" she had not vomited into her lungs she might still be here. I knew it was futile to keep thinking "if only." But then just a few days ago, I realized a great truth - God does not make ANY mistakes. He has every day of our lives written down in His book of our life even before we are born. He knows when we are going to be born on Earth, and He knows the exact date that He is taking us Home. And He knows all the circumstances involved on Earth leading up to that day, and nothing can change that. He knew that my Mother's body had fought hard enough and had gotten tired, and that it was the date for her to come Home. It gives me great peace that she will never be sick or broken again, and that she is with my Daddy now forever and ever, and with other loved ones that are in Heaven.

I miss her SO very much. We were always together, you hardly ever saw one of us without the other. She used a walker in our house and I pushed he

Permalink Reply by Christine on July 25, 2010 at 3:18am

My mother died February 24th at 76 from Ovarian Cancer, she lived only a year after she was diagnosed. My mother worked until she became ill, she was so strong working everyday because she lost my father when he was only 56.
Ovarian Cancer was the worst thing I have ever seen, it degrated her in everyway. She had a bag, she had so many tumors it burst and the embarrasement was horrible because she was a very private person. She vomited her own bile and wasn't able to eat anything in the hospital while she was starving inside, the torture, humilation and pain that I witnessed my mother go through haunts me. She lost all her hair and chemo wasn't working she had to get one painful procedure after another, her platelets gave her so much trouble.
I remember when she first got the cancer she went to the hospital and the doctor said "You aren't a candidate for an operation" meaning a hysterectomy she had some hope and the doctor was so cold I will never forget how sad she was, she gave up hope at that point. At the end she had one last operation because they couldn't just let her die they had to keep trying but the operations were very painful and she couldn't suffer anymore. She was sent to hospice and we watched her die that weekend. She was alert every step of the way in the hospice while other people were kind of out of it.
She was grasping for air, and she was frightened, she said things and saw things in hospice which made me realize there is a heaven and a god, because she saw things that my family couldn't possibly see, she was in two worlds, one on earth and one towards heaven, it was like she was being pulled in different directions, it was so odd to see, I will never forget what I experienced in hospice, there is no explanation for what I saw, it was so painful, so unreal like a bad dream.
I have my days where I cry alot and wonder why she had to suffer so much, I miss her terribly, part of me feels gone and numb inside without her.
I miss the little things like calling her up, and hearing her voice, sometimes I forget and I think I am going to hear her voice on the phone.
Death is so hard, when you look at your loved one's possessions, you hold them in your arms like a mother would hold a baby, they have so much value to you and you don't want to ever let go. I am crying writing this because I can still feel the pain, it doesn't go away a part of it will always be there, just when you think you are ok, something hits you and the sadness sets in.
I am Catholic and I have to believe there is a god, because what purpose would there be here on earth without faith.

Permalink Reply by Elyzabeth Hackathorn on July 25, 2010 at 12:01pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I am in the same situation and sometimes, the pain of losing my Mom and Dad is so strong that I can't breathe. I wish I could say that the pain and feeling of loss gets better but I am still lost and aching and my Dad has been gone 11 years 8/1 and my Mom will be gone one year on 8/4.
I will keep you in my prayers that you may find peace....
Sending hugs..
Elyzabeth

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Thomas on July 25, 2010 at 2:29pm

Christine,
I'm so sorry for your loss! I'm finding that it's perfectly okay to grieve, to cry and to miss your mom. I'm coming out of my fog just a wee bit but I realize that when a parent dies, it's a MAJOR event, and you can't just get over it because someone says to or because it's "time". It takes lots of baby steps. One of the baby steps that I'm taking is to read. Right now, I'm reading "Heaven Is Real" by Don Piper. It does a good job addressing some things about suffering and grief. It gives me hope. My prayers are with you as you walk through this season of grief and loss.
Becky

Christine said:

My mother died February 24th at 76 from Ovarian Cancer, she lived only a year after she was diagnosed. My mother worked until she became ill, she was so strong working everyday because she lost my father when he was only 56.
Ovarian Cancer was the worst thing I have ever seen, it degrated her in everyway. She had a bag, she had so many tumors it burst and the embarrasement was horrible because she was a very private person. She vomited her own bile and wasn't able to eat anything in the hospital while she was starving inside, the torture, humilation and pain that I witnessed my mother go through haunts me. She lost all her hair and chemo wasn't working she had to get one painful procedure after another, her platelets gave her so much trouble.
I remember when she first got the cancer she went to the hospital and the doctor said "You aren't a candidate for an operation" meaning a hysterectomy she had some hope and the doctor was so cold I will never forget how sad she was, she gave up hope at that point. At the end she had one last operation because they couldn't just let her die they had to keep trying but the operations were very painful and she couldn't suffer anymore. She was sent to hospice and we watched her die that weekend. She was alert every step of the way in the hospice while other people were kind of out of it.
She was grasping for air, and she was frightened, she said things and saw things in hospice which made me realize there is a heaven and a god, because she saw things that my family couldn't possibly see, she was in two worlds, one on earth and one towards heaven, it was like she was being pulled in different directions, it was so odd to see, I will never forget what I experienced in hospice, there is no explanation for what I saw, it was so painful, so unreal like a bad dream.
I have my days where I cry alot and wonder why she had to suffer so much, I miss her terribly, part of me feels gone and numb inside without her.
I miss the little things like calling her up, and hearing her voice, sometimes I forget and I think I am going to hear her voice on the phone.
Death is so hard, when you look at your loved one's possessions, you hold them in your arms like a mother would hold a baby, they have so much value to you and you don't want to ever let go. I am crying writing this because I can still feel the pain, it doesn't go away a part of it will always be there, just when you think you are ok, something hits you and the sadness sets in.
I am Catholic and I have to believe there is a god, because what purpose would there be here on earth without faith.

Permalink Reply by Belinda Rhodes on July 27, 2010 at 9:33pm

Pam,
You are such a wonderful daughter. I know it's hard to believe something like trying to use a potty chair, could change one's life so dramatically. Parents are such a tough loss, and I did not find out til I was 55. Please be patient, and I hope and pray you can get closer to your husband as a result of this tragic event. Men sometimes may not get the shock, denial, depression, anger and then the plain ole frustration of loosing a parent. I know if you waited until your 50's to marry, you must have a special guy...especially moving in and helping with your Mom.
I have been married 31 years, and I have not been the best wife since my mom died in December. Please confide in him, and trust him, as this new shock is probably going to take some time, to adjust to. I hate you lost your mom, but perhaps your Dad picked your man out in heaven, and your mom watched you learn to show signs of having a protector, and then she left to be with your Dad... I know this sounds like a fairy tale, but somehow, I feel these words are coming from my heart and soul. Please, take baby steps, ask for help whenever you need it....No, we never get over our earthly lifes with our parents, but I know your mom and dad appreciate and love more then you will ever know. Hang in there, and know Legacy is a safe and loving family that will nurture and pray for you always, until the feeling and pain of loss lessens! I care, Belinda

Pamela said:

My heart goes out to each of you who have lost one or more of your parents. I lost my sweet Mother a month ago today, June 20, 2010. She was 88. She was, and still is, my Best Friend. We had lived together my whole life, 53 years. Even after I married for the first time at age 51, we continued living together as my husband moved in with us. My Daddy went to Heaven 35 yrs. before at age 53. My Mother never looked at another man after that. On May 21, 2010, she fell backwards using her potty chair which was next to her recliner in our living room. She had a couple of falls before in the past 9 yrs., and this time she was in the worst pain I had ever seen her in. It was heartbreaking. Our only option was major back surgery. Early into the operation she vomited into her lungs and had to be on a ventilator for the rest of her life. I never got to hear her sweet voice again after the surgery due to being on the ventilator. She could only nod or sqeeze my hand. I was by her side for 12 hours a day for almost a month. Then due to respiratory failure and pneumonia she passed peacefully into Heaven on Father's Day. When my family knew she wasn't going to make it, I prayed that she would go home to be with my Daddy on Father's Day. She had missed him so much for 35 yrs. I was by her side the last 20 minutes of her life on Earth. I was caressing her forehead as she slept peacefully and telling her how much I loved her, and I told her that Daddy was waiting for her with open arms. At 11:56 p.m., I looked up at the clock and prayed she would hang on a few more minutes, and then at 12:01 a.m. I felt her spirit leave her body. She had made it to Father's Day, and he was there welcoming the Best Mother home. Father's Day had always been hard for me, but now I will remember it as the day my Mother and Daddy were reunited after 35 yrs. apart. Through my tears, I was glad that she was now TOTALLY well with a brand new heavenly body and that she was with Daddy.

For awhile I went through the "if only's." "If only" I had been standing near her when she fell I might have stopped her fall, or "if only" she had not vomited into her lungs she might still be here. I knew it was futile to keep thinking "if only." But then just a few days ago, I realized a great truth - God does not make ANY mistakes. He has every day of our lives written down in His book of our life even before we are born. He knows when we are going to be born on Earth, and He knows the exact date that He is taking us Home. And He knows all the circumstances involved on Earth leading up to that day, and nothing can change that. He knew that my Mother's body had fought hard enough and had gotten tired, and that it was the date for her to come Home. It gives me great peace that she will never be sick or broken again, and that she is with my Daddy now forever and ever, and with other loved ones that are in Heaven.

I miss her SO very much. We were always together, you hardly ever saw one of us without the other. She used a walker in our house and I pushed her in her wheelchair when we would be out. We went everywhere together. She always wanted to be with me, and vice versa. I am so thankful I had 53 wonderful years with her. But even so, I had planned on her being around longer. Our family always told her she was going to make it to 100. She never looked her age. She was SO beautiful. I can't even imagine how beautiful she must be now in Heaven. I still cry every day, but I can hear her voice in my head saying "I don't want my girl to be crying." I know she would be saying that. Yesterday was the first day I had been out to see friends. Two of my classmates from way back in high school met for lunch. I know my Mother would have wanted me to get out of the house and have a nice time with them. It did feel good to get out and socialize for the first time. The only other places I had been was to the store or to the cemetery to put flowers on my parents' graves. Whenever I go out driving,

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