NEEDING SOMEONE TO TALK TO TODAY.

I AM HAVING A REALLY ROUGH TIME TODAY. MY BROTHER IN LAW CALLED ME AROUND LUNCH TIME TO ASK ME ABOUT THE BURIAL OF MY HUSBANDS ASHES WE ARE GOING TO DO ON JULY 28TH. MY HUSBANDS DAUGHTER IS COMMING TO TOWN WITH MY HUSBANDS EX WIFE, HER MOTHER.HE WAS ASKING ME IF I WAS PLANNING ON INVITING FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND I SAID, THAT I ONLY WANT FAMILY AS I DONT PLAN ON MAKING A BIG DEAL OF THIS. WE HAD A BEAUTIFUL MEMORIAL SERVICE ON MARCH 1ST AND THIS IS JUST SOMETHING THAT HAD TO WAIT TILL A LITTLE LATER.I AM REALLY HAVING A HARD TIME WITH ALL OF THIS BECAUSE TO ME IT FEELS LIKE POURING SALT ON A OPEN WOUND. I AM STILL HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME DEALING WITH THE LOSS OF MY HUSBAND AND I DO WISH THAT I COULD HAVE JUST BURIED HIS ASHES THE DAY WE HAD THE MEMORIAL SERVICE.MY BROTHER IN LAW SEEMED TO BE OK WITH WHAT I SAID BUT HE DID ASK ME IF MY HUSBANDS EX WIFE COULD COME.I SAID OK ONLY BECAUSE I KNOW THAT MY HUSBAND WOULD HAVE BEEN OK WITH IT.I JUST WANT THIS TO BE OVER WITH BECAUSE IT IS JUST ANOTHER PAINFUL EVENT THAT I AM GOING TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH AND REALLY FOR ME EVERY DAY IS PAINFUL WITHOUT MY BEST FRIEND. I ALSO KNOW THAT I AM THE ONE THAT IS STILL MOURNING AND GRIEVING AND THE REST OF HIS FAMILY HAVE MOVED ON WITH THEIR LIFE.UNFORTUNATELY MY HUSBAND WASNT ALL THAT CLOSE WITH HIS IMMEDIATE FAMILY.ANY WAY I HOPE YOU ALL CAN UNDERSTAND HOW AND WHY I AM FEELING THE WAY I AM BECAUSE I AM A LITTLE CONFUSED WHY I FEEL ANGRY.

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Permalink Reply by b mohlere on July 21, 2010 at 5:40pm

Feeling angry is part of the process. But I can understand what you are going through now. I just buried my husband's ashes last weekend. The Memorial Service was in late October. Interring ashes was in a different state and we only invited family and one very close friend. My children and I wanted it to be very low key but I must say that we were numb at the Memorial Service and for this it was very intensely raw with emotion. It was good that only those very close to us were there. We didn't need to deal with trying to accept sympathy with many friends and acquaintances.

This is the hardest process that I can ever imagine and just as I think I've dealt with the worst, something else comes up. I hope that you can find a way to take care of yourself and find some peace. It is just plain hard!

You have my prayers. Take care!

BeckyM

Permalink Reply by Virginia on July 21, 2010 at 5:52pm

Cindy your going to start the greiving all over again as it will be just as hard if not harder to bury his ashes it is the final thing you will be doing to bring an end to his death and i agree it probally would have been better to do it all at once but being as you couldn't it is going to open up all the feelings freshplease know we are here for you anytime

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on July 21, 2010 at 7:36pm

Dear Cindy,
I just wanted to let you know that I understand it must be very difficult for you through this time. I was not in the same situation because my husband has already been interred last January but not cremated. Since after you already went through such emotional stress and now you are not in that state of just going through the motions so it must be an incredibly emotional drain especially now that others will be present who you don't feel close to but, even though I know it will be hard just take one minute at a time and it will be another day gone by. You may have more memories of mixed emotions but if you are able to stay close to anyone who you trust or knows how you feel, maybe the time will go by faster somehow. I will continue to remember you in my prayers. Whenever you feel the need to post again let us know how you are doing. I am so sorry you are going through your sadness and pain. Take care of yourself, and don't forget we are here.
God bless,
Suzanne

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