I celebrated my 27th wedding anniversary alone on July 9, 2010. Douglas died July 17, 2009 so a week after my wedding anniversary I had to get through the one year anniversary of his death. It is difficult and the pain is enormous. But the old saying, "time heals all" is true. Yes it is hard and YES it sucks, but I got through the first year of being on my own to celebrate special birthdays, holidays, an anniversary or two, and NEW events. That is the operative word, NEW. I have a new normal now and everyday I experience something that will help me build new memories that will blend in with the old ones. Every night I talk to Douglas and tell him about my day, what I am involved with, and I also give him permission to show me a sign that I am way off base! He will -- I believe that. We were together 32 years and that is something not many people can say anymore -- "we were together a very long time" -- Douglas and I worked at our relationship, our love, our marriage, through good times and bad. Having him as my best friend as well as my husband made it all the more worthwhile to hold onto. We invested 32 years of our life into each other as well as ourself. And that is why the pain is so immense when one of a couple dies. A piece of the remaining person has been ripped away. I feel it as much as all of you on this site. We all come to peace with the passing of our loved one -- some sooner then others, but time doesn't mean we didn't love as deeply as the next person. While I have been a widow for one year I am taking strides to move forward. Graduate school in August, moving across the country this past May, selling my home, and starting a new job. This doesn't mean I did not love Douglas with all my heart -- I still do. It simply means that our relationship was such that I know he wants me to continue down the path of adventure, discovering who I am in the NOW, I already know who I became when I was with him. Having had the love of Douglas is a treasure that even death cannot take from me. Death took the physical but the emotional and spiritual are still here. I stopped "looking" for a sign and now they appear every day. Hearts are broken and they heal. Each of us will continue to love and remember. I appreciate all of you. Your words, prayers and kind words helped me in the darkest of time. I hope I can return that favor. I will be thinking of you Kathy. And for all of you on this site, know that I care for each of you. We are family!!
i wanted to call and check on you tonight but i was unable to take a break. i hope that you were able to deal with everything to the best of your ability. i did pray for you last night and asked God to give you strength today.i also hope everything goes ok for you at your sons party on the 31st.i can relate when you call georges family a bunch of phonies.my husband didnt have a close relationship with his family so that ment we rarely saw them. in return it ment i had virtually no relationship with them at all. so now that he is gone i dont even have anyone that i can turn to and say ," oh how i miss your dad, or how i miss your brother."it is a very sad situation.i hope your situation is at least better than mine. just wanted you to know i was thinking of you.