Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by judy on July 26, 2010 at 8:12am

Understand, and will think of you today and tomorrow. This is the six months anniversary of my husband's death. Deep pain and feel still in shock.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on July 26, 2010 at 8:24am

Kathy, I wish I had somes word of comfort to give to you but I dont. I was just at a cookout that my daughter had with her neighbors and friends and boy was it a mistake. Nobody talked to me and when they did, "hows it going" ? That is the worst question anyone can ask me. I also have been left out of the loop being asked to attend an event. Like you, I wouldnt have went but it would have been nice to be asked. After 15 months I hurt so bad not to have LouAnn here. I too, hate to be out and about and see happy people, couples,ect.. An empty life now is what I am destined to have now. You know, whats the point? There is no meaning to anything without your spouse. Hang in there Kathy. Remember your times with your spouse.Talk to them.Talk with them.Keep the legacy of them alive thru you and cherish the time you had together.We will always be sad and are "new life" is never going to be the same.All of us on this site are here for each other to help and share. Remember to thank God, for allowing you to have that time together. Not many people can say that like we can. We wanted more I know.I dont have the magic wand to make it better. I do have this though. Hugs for you. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on July 26, 2010 at 8:56am

randolph thank you for the kind words you are so right i have the good memories and nothing or anyone can take that away from me george was given to me to help me when i was very sick i guess his time was up because i became better. if i had a choice i would get sick again so i would have george with me i agree with you not to many people had the life you and i had with our spouses this i thank god for i am sure everyone on this site had the life we had or they would not be on here

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on July 26, 2010 at 4:58pm

Hi Kathy,
It must be so difficult, I know how it is to be crying by myself and feeling so alone so I feel sad for you and I wish there was something I could say or do to help ease your pain. It is really strange that I was going to be posting sometime soon about how I will be having certain days coming up that will be especially hard for me and I wanted to give a heads up so-to-speak that even though I am taking life moment by moment I know the upcoming days and months ahead will be more unbearable than others. I understand the lonliness and I hope you know that I pray for you in my daily prayers. It's so hard to know that you and everyone are going through these days with a heavy heart. For me, I believe God is carrying me through because I know it's not my time yet but I just wish it was but it is what it is. I hope you are feeling better. I have already gone to family gatherings and I know it's not the same without him there. I've been told it's good to be kind to myself and hope you will consider this just as a suggestion if you can. Peace to you and hugs.
God bless,
Suzanne

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on July 26, 2010 at 7:42pm

kathy,
i know tomorrow will be hard. i just went through the same thing on july 17th. thank God i was blessed to have a friend invite me to her daughters house on that day. it was still hard but it would have been worse if it was like this sat. where i basically sat home alone all day. the loneliness is what i have trouble dealing with. my husband and i did everything together and now their is noone.my thoughts and prayers will be with you, and i would like to perhaps call and check on you when i take my break at work, around 9pm central time.i am glad you decieded to stay on this site, we all need each other.you are in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by b mohlere on July 26, 2010 at 7:50pm

Our 41st anniversary was last week. It just hurts! I can't ask others to understand what that meant. My children suffer as well but I try to stumble through as best I can because they need to not worry about me now. All I care about are those who meant so much to us before and have shown that they are truly our friends and supporters. It shouldn't take a time like this to find out who our real friends/family are.
B

Permalink Reply by Connie H. on July 26, 2010 at 8:04pm

(((((Kathy))))) You know you will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow.

Permalink Reply by Mary on July 26, 2010 at 9:16pm

Kathy, I will be thinking about you tomorrow. You will get through it, tho' it will be hard. No one knows the sorrow we all are going through, they can't. Not family or friends. They have no idea. Don't give the phonies a second thought, they aren't worth your energy. Just take care of yourself. Hugs.

Permalink Reply by Brigitte on July 27, 2010 at 1:40pm

Kathy,

I celebrated my 27th wedding anniversary alone on July 9, 2010. Douglas died July 17, 2009 so a week after my wedding anniversary I had to get through the one year anniversary of his death. It is difficult and the pain is enormous. But the old saying, "time heals all" is true. Yes it is hard and YES it sucks, but I got through the first year of being on my own to celebrate special birthdays, holidays, an anniversary or two, and NEW events. That is the operative word, NEW. I have a new normal now and everyday I experience something that will help me build new memories that will blend in with the old ones. Every night I talk to Douglas and tell him about my day, what I am involved with, and I also give him permission to show me a sign that I am way off base! He will -- I believe that. We were together 32 years and that is something not many people can say anymore -- "we were together a very long time" -- Douglas and I worked at our relationship, our love, our marriage, through good times and bad. Having him as my best friend as well as my husband made it all the more worthwhile to hold onto. We invested 32 years of our life into each other as well as ourself. And that is why the pain is so immense when one of a couple dies. A piece of the remaining person has been ripped away. I feel it as much as all of you on this site. We all come to peace with the passing of our loved one -- some sooner then others, but time doesn't mean we didn't love as deeply as the next person. While I have been a widow for one year I am taking strides to move forward. Graduate school in August, moving across the country this past May, selling my home, and starting a new job. This doesn't mean I did not love Douglas with all my heart -- I still do. It simply means that our relationship was such that I know he wants me to continue down the path of adventure, discovering who I am in the NOW, I already know who I became when I was with him. Having had the love of Douglas is a treasure that even death cannot take from me. Death took the physical but the emotional and spiritual are still here. I stopped "looking" for a sign and now they appear every day. Hearts are broken and they heal. Each of us will continue to love and remember. I appreciate all of you. Your words, prayers and kind words helped me in the darkest of time. I hope I can return that favor. I will be thinking of you Kathy. And for all of you on this site, know that I care for each of you. We are family!!

Peace!

Brigitte

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on July 27, 2010 at 9:33pm

kathy,
i wanted to call and check on you tonight but i was unable to take a break. i hope that you were able to deal with everything to the best of your ability. i did pray for you last night and asked God to give you strength today.i also hope everything goes ok for you at your sons party on the 31st.i can relate when you call georges family a bunch of phonies.my husband didnt have a close relationship with his family so that ment we rarely saw them. in return it ment i had virtually no relationship with them at all. so now that he is gone i dont even have anyone that i can turn to and say ," oh how i miss your dad, or how i miss your brother."it is a very sad situation.i hope your situation is at least better than mine. just wanted you to know i was thinking of you.

Permalink Reply by bc on July 27, 2010 at 10:44pm

Brigitte, thank you for your words of encouragement. It will be one year on Aug 5th since my Brad left me. He and I were always together and everyone tells me that we were lucky to have the perfect love. I know we were lucky to have what most people search for their entire lives but it was too short. We only had 15 yrs together, but I will always treasure and hold my memories in my heart. I think of all of you often and pray that we all find some peace in our lives.
Barb

Brigitte said:

Kathy,

I celebrated my 27th wedding anniversary alone on July 9, 2010. Douglas died July 17, 2009 so a week after my wedding anniversary I had to get through the one year anniversary of his death. It is difficult and the pain is enormous. But the old saying, "time heals all" is true. Yes it is hard and YES it sucks, but I got through the first year of being on my own to celebrate special birthdays, holidays, an anniversary or two, and NEW events. That is the operative word, NEW. I have a new normal now and everyday I experience something that will help me build new memories that will blend in with the old ones. Every night I talk to Douglas and tell him about my day, what I am involved with, and I also give him permission to show me a sign that I am way off base! He will -- I believe that. We were together 32 years and that is something not many people can say anymore -- "we were together a very long time" -- Douglas and I worked at our relationship, our love, our marriage, through good times and bad. Having him as my best friend as well as my husband made it all the more worthwhile to hold onto. We invested 32 years of our life into each other as well as ourself. And that is why the pain is so immense when one of a couple dies. A piece of the remaining person has been ripped away. I feel it as much as all of you on this site. We all come to peace with the passing of our loved one -- some sooner then others, but time doesn't mean we didn't love as deeply as the next person. While I have been a widow for one year I am taking strides to move forward. Graduate school in August, moving across the country this past May, selling my home, and starting a new job. This doesn't mean I did not love Douglas with all my heart -- I still do. It simply means that our relationship was such that I know he wants me to continue down the path of adventure, discovering who I am in the NOW, I already know who I became when I was with him. Having had the love of Douglas is a treasure that even death cannot take from me. Death took the physical but the emotional and spiritual are still here. I stopped "looking" for a sign and now they appear every day. Hearts are broken and they heal. Each of us will continue to love and remember. I appreciate all of you. Your words, prayers and kind words helped me in the darkest of time. I hope I can return that favor. I will be thinking of you Kathy. And for all of you on this site, know that I care for each of you. We are family!!

Peace!

Brigitte

Permalink Reply by bc on July 27, 2010 at 10:46pm

Cindy I know how you feel, but Brad and I were very close to his family, they often told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to Brad. The day of the funeral they never spoke to me, and haven't kept in touch once since then. It will be a year next week and I feel that I lost not only Brad but the whole family. How can they do this to me, and why? I feel so alone.
Barb

CINDY POWELL said:

kathy,
i wanted to call and check on you tonight but i was unable to take a break. i hope that you were able to deal with everything to the best of your ability. i did pray for you last night and asked God to give you strength today.i also hope everything goes ok for you at your sons party on the 31st.i can relate when you call georges family a bunch of phonies.my husband didnt have a close relationship with his family so that ment we rarely saw them. in return it ment i had virtually no relationship with them at all. so now that he is gone i dont even have anyone that i can turn to and say ," oh how i miss your dad, or how i miss your brother."it is a very sad situation.i hope your situation is at least better than mine. just wanted you to know i was thinking of you.

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