How to make it through the night

Grief support: When you're grieving, sleeping can be difficult. What do you do to make the nights easier?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by loveblue2 on February 17, 2009 at 3:21pm

I lost my beloved mom to Alzheimer's on 2/4/09. I knew the Alzheimer's would eventually take her, but, losing her has been very difficult. I didn't even remember, but I had given her a bible in 1972. She had written in the bible that she wanted it returned to me after she passed away. I sleep with my mom's bible under my pillow. That seems to help - on most nights anyway.

Sorry you're grieving. Sorry I'm grieving too. : (

Permalink Reply by Pam on March 14, 2009 at 5:27pm

I am so sorry to hear the sadness in the letters here. I recently lost my 44 year old sister by suicide. Feb 25/09. There is no one I could tell that I leave all my lights on and the T.V. all night. I don't know why the fear, I've never had it before.
My sympathy to all of you who lost a loved one at home and are still trying to deal with the losses.
I'm new here and am going to keep reading thru the site and try to find some answers.
Again, i'm so sorry, Its just so sad.

Permalink Reply by DM on March 16, 2009 at 8:15pm

My darling husband died in our bed three and a half weeks ago. I sleep with a sweater that he wore that week. I don't want to go on. My life is over

Permalink Reply by Pam on March 16, 2009 at 11:42pm

please find someone to talk to. DM. your life is worth so much. i care. you need to go on for your husband. his love is your love.
I;m so sorry this happened to you and your husband. please keep posting. keep talking here.

Permalink Reply by DM on March 17, 2009 at 8:44pm

On Thursday it will be one month. I drag through the days and can't wait to get home from work so I can cry. I write to him now and that helps. He was only 48 years old and I found him dead. He and I went through so my adversity in our lives that it seems so unfair. We knew each other for 18 years but were only married for five and a half. We loved each other so much. I went to the doctor last week, three weeks after he died, because I had written a suicide note the night before and realized I needed help. He has put me on antidpressant/antianxiety pills but they take a while to kick in. I can't envisage going on without him. Thank you for your reply. It makes me feel less alone.

Permalink Reply by Pam on March 19, 2009 at 12:10am

one month is such a short time. give your self a lot more time. please don't do anything to yourself. i have antianxiety pills also, but i think we have to do what we need to do to keep going. I'm sure your husband is walking by your side and will be there waiting for you when your time comes. But , that time isn't now, you can do some living here for the both of you.
I know I talk out loud to my sister all the time, I hope shes happy and healthy, I hope our loved ones know that we miss them and love them. Stay here, share and please give yourself a hug. and be safe.

Permalink Reply by DM on March 19, 2009 at 4:23pm

I talk to my husband, too. I feel that he is with me and I did get some signs in the first couple of weeks that he was watching over me. Today it is one month. In some ways it feels like yesterday and yet in another way I feel like it was years ago. I miss him.
I'm sorry for your loss, Pam. It does help to know that others are feeling like you are. I write to my husband and put down all the things I want to say to him. I told him I loved him every day and I still tell him - out loud and in letters. Take care of yourself. We will get through it.

Permalink Reply by Linda on March 16, 2009 at 9:01pm

My daughter died in a car accident almost 2 and 1/2 years ago. I'm still grieving and expect I will until the day I die. I keep lights on and sleep with her pillow. Sometimes I walk around the house and look in her room hoping she'd be there. Most times I cry myself to sleep. This sucks I still can't believe it.

Permalink Reply by DM on March 19, 2009 at 4:26pm

Linda, I'm so sorry about your daughter. I can't imagine what that must be like. I hope that you are taking care of yourself. We will grieve until the day we die, but hopefully the pain will get more bearable. My dad died 20 years ago this month and my mom was six years in January. I still cry for them both and I know that I will miss my darling husband always. I just know that I have no alternative but to carry on.

Permalink Reply by annalise samuel lapira on April 16, 2009 at 7:24am

Charlotte Grimes said:

Melissa,

My husband passed away on January 29, 2009 with cancer. He lived 33 days after we found out that he had it. I still have not unpacked his suit case from the hospital nor have I slept in our bed. I have been sleeping with my daughter in her room. I have heard that I will have a dream and my husband will come to me. This hasn't happened yet. Nor can I feel his presence to comfort me. I think I am just is so my grief that I can't feel it. I am trying and I know that he would want me to. But all these flood of emotions I am having a hard to handle. I am looking for a support group to attend to see if this will help. But I know that there will not be a day that I don't miss him, we had the perfect marriage. Nothing makes sense to me these day. Hang on to your memories, as I do. Thank God my husband wrote me love letters, I read them often and find a some comfort. I have started trying not to nap during the day and have found that I do sleep a little longer in the evenings. I leave several lights on and will for a long time. That is ok. I have been writing to my husband in my journal. I feel your pain.

hi charlotte, i tried writing to my husband (he passed away on 17th feb 09) but i am so distraught that i just wrote stuff like how i missed him etc etc and i think i sadden him more. i cry all the time and simply cannot accept his death....feel so so desperate

Permalink Reply by annalise samuel lapira on April 17, 2009 at 9:27am

DM said:

On Thursday it will be one month. I drag through the days and can't wait to get home from work so I can cry. I write to him now and that helps. He was only 48 years old and I found him dead. He and I went through so my adversity in our lives that it seems so unfair. We knew each other for 18 years but were only married for five and a half. We loved each other so much. I went to the doctor last week, three weeks after he died, because I had written a suicide note the night before and realized I needed help. He has put me on antidpressant/antianxiety pills but they take a while to kick in. I can't envisage going on without him. Thank you for your reply. It makes me feel less alone.

hi dm...my husband died on 17th february 09 so very close to yours.
i have stopped functioning..just cant go on.....

Permalink Reply by Lisa on April 17, 2009 at 9:35am

I lost my husband to cancer just 20 days after finding out that he had it. I am now on antidepressants and seditives that don't help at all. It will be 5 months on the 20th of April that he has been gone. I live with my sister and her husband and now sleep with my door open and a light on or the T.V. even though I live with family I am still scared at night. He always made me feel safe. I am lucky if I get 2 to 3 hours of sleep at night. Everyone keeps telling me to give it time that time heals everything. And that he is with me. Well I don't feel him I don't dream of him I just sit up and night and think about him and ask why did you leave me all alone!!!