Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Amy on January 6, 2009 at 5:59am

Sandra,

I am so sorry that your sister died, and died this way. It is said to be the most difficult death to deal with and I believe it.

My sister died in October of 2001 by "Rapid Carbon Monoxide Poisioning". She was missing for a week when a park ranger found her in her car that was parked in a revene in the desert here in California.

Sandra, it isn't difficult to deal with this - It is near impossible - it is so hurrendous and devastating.

Like you and your sister, me and my sister Jessie were so close and such a big part of eachothers existances.

I know that it is so painful that it will shake you to the core and change the person that you are. I also know it does get easier to deal with as time and thoughts go on.

Sandra, I promise you that it will get better.

Love yourself the way that your sister loved you and you will come to peace with it in your own way, in your own time.

Amy

Permalink Reply by juliana on January 6, 2009 at 5:48pm

I also lost my little sister we were 17 months apart, 6/17 and 11/17.....she left 2 children behind.
That was in 2005, I lost my dad 2 months prior. Lost my Mom last year or 2007.
They were my life, I cared for all of them.
I do not know how to pick myself up from this.
Plus after Mom's death a had someone I thought cared get closer to me, to find,
after my brother took the estate, he was only waiting to see if I came into money, when I didn't, was a very mean person to me.
The world is a very much colder place without unconditional love

Permalink Reply by Valerie on January 7, 2009 at 2:41am

Well, I don't know if anyone will really read this, but I hope someone else can help me because I can't seem to help myself. I am normally such an independent person. I live with my fiance, we have a dog, and I don't have any real responsibilities other than bills. Well, my 16 year old brother helped us move into our new house on May 24th, 2008. He was so helpful and he just met my fiance and he really liked him. On May 27th, we celebrated his 17th birthday. (I am 30 - the oldest of 5). He was the baby of the family. On May 31st - he was hit by a truck and killed instantly after he had been missing for a day (hanging out with people he thought were his friends). Justin was VERY OVERLY trusting and the details of this are ridiculous. What is more ridiculous is that no one is in jail for what happened to him. Anyway, he was in too bad of shape for any of us to see him in the hospital and it was a closed casket for the same reason. I cried at the hospital when his identity was confirmed. I cried for 5 minutes the next day at my mom's house. I cried for 2 minutes at the funeral. ANd now....the next time I cried was tonight....over 6 months later. I can't sleep. I am always cranky. I never ever talk about him except for the occassional fleeting second. I have no one to talk to. I am sort of the family "black sheep" so I'm not comfortable talking with anyone. Somehow, my mom and I no longer speak to each other. My other sister can't sleep. I don't know what to do to make this all better. I don't have "TIME" because my life, emotionally, and family-like, is falling apart. I used to change his diapers and get up with him when he was 3 or 4 months old for middle of the night feedings. I baby-sat him uncountable times when mom was working night-jobs. I am acting so weird. Now I have this insane, unexplanable desire to have a child - only It isn't physically possible without expensive drugs....so its sort of this empty desire. I always had it....but it has multiplied by like 1000 times since my brother passed. Like - I am in some sort of hurry suddenly. I have all this stuff going on. I don't know how to handle it. No one even knows I am thinking all of this stuff. I am driving myself crazy. My poor fiance has to deal with all my crazy mood swings - thank goodness he is above and beyond in the sweet department. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Because I am out of ideas. I would appreciate any input.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on January 7, 2009 at 9:06am

Hi Valerie,my name is Elaine I first will tell you to seek profesional counseling. Second you need to pray and talk to God about your family problems. Valerie you know my family prayers are,we ask God to give us that love that runs from heart to heart and breast to breast and to bond us so close together where one can't fall for the other. Now with your Mon you need to try and straigthen this problem out. When Mom eyes closes,that is a never forget feeling. I remember not speaking to my Mom for 2 weeks,because I told my mom that when my other two sisters would come around,she would act funny and different with me. It hurted me so bad to hear my Mom say,if this is the way you feel than keep your hiny home. So I did just that and stayed home.It took a co-worker to tell me,Elaine I know you are not still staying away from your mom,my responds were yes until she says I am sorry. She replied,girl if anything would happen to your Mom before you get a chance to say I am sorry you will never forgive yourself for the rest of your life. After hearing that,I could't wait to get home to say that I was sorry. I ran and hugged and kiss my Mom and couldn't stop saying I love you Ella,this what we use to call my Mom Ella and it was nobody but Ella up untill the day she closed her eyes and I wish everyday that I could make up for those two weeks. You know what I say now,if only I could hear my mother voice or have my Mom to talk to right now. You know Valerie,it must be something small that you can't remember why you and your Mom is not speaking. So don't let it be said to late. My son Kris was killed in a fatal car accident on April 9, 2006. My heart is still aching,it was many night that I could not sleep. My doctor recommended medication,addictive medication. I prayed and ask God to help me sleep at night,I go to sleep with the gospel channel on TV every night. It ease my mind and I am also able to meditate while listening to the gospel songs or I put the TV on the ministry channels and listen to the words of God from different Ministers. All the time when I can't sleep I read the bible. It will take time for healing your broken heart,but it will some day be mended. My heart is not all the way mended,but it is getting there. Valerie I miss my son so much. No one would ever know the pain and heartache that I am going through with the death of my son Kris. I am still crying because I tried to or I had to be strong for my daughter who was 5 months pregnant when Kris was killed. She and Kris was so close with each other. Than Kris two boys,his finance and my son I just figured I had to be strong for them. I held up my tears for them. But in a long run,it took a hard affect on me. I had a brain aneurysum on March 15,2007 all most one year after Kris death.This happened to me while I was driving on the I-10 interstate in Baton Rouge,La. So I am here to tell you its ok to cry,let it all out. God will hear your cry. Remember God knows how much you can bare. So Valerie I will be praying with you. Feel free to talk to us at any time. Just get on your computer and type just what you feel,because this is what we do on this site. We have each other to talk to,and we all know the hurt and pain that you are going through..Elaine

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on January 7, 2009 at 4:10pm

Valerie, I am glad Elaine wrote to you she is a very kind supportive lady. I lost my sister 9/4/07 and I am also the oldest child. I took care of my sister for years and had a lot of deep seated resentments with my family over my sister so I do understand your feelings. I did grieve when my sister passed away last year but I started to feel like everyone wanted to forget and I could not let them. I created her memorial so I could keep her close and I found myself really working through my grief by doing this and also trying to work through some of my resentments. It has taken a lot of prayer and some very good friends but I have come a long way. I like you have a very supportive husband and I don't know how I would have been able to deal with caring for and losing my sister if it were not for him. I probably have a pretty good corner of the market for dysfunctional families and I do understand because I have those same rifts with my family. I have had a terrible time with my mother because she did not see my sister but about 5 times in 25 years and yet she could go take care of everyone else. If something were to happen to her I will regret things weren't better but I have tried. My dad died 2 years ago and I reached out then to her then my sister got sick and was in ICU and she was to busy in Miss. visiting cousins to come to Okla. I know I am starting to rant and I am sorry but I just want you to know it is ok to say whats on your mind because we can all support and pray for each other. I know I still need it. You said you are strong and independent so take care of yourself first and don't worry about your family right now. Let your grief come and as Elaine says if it gets so bad talk to someone (grief support groups are wonderful), pray God will listen and keep writing to us and share more of your story as you are ready. I am so sorry for your loss and you might consider working on a memorial for your brother it might help. Stephanie My sister Abby's site is
http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/abby-hoda/homepage.aspx

Permalink Reply by Kah Massey on January 7, 2009 at 5:57pm

Hello Valerie,
I am so sorry for the loss. You will find some good support here but I would recommend that you seek professional help asap. This site has been a good supplement to me while I am getting professional help. Everyone on the site can relate because we all have walked in some "similar" shoes.
Thanks Elaine and Stephanie for being so encouraging. Please keep us posted on your progress. You will come out of the "dark fog" and be able to help someone else one day get out of the "dark fog". You will have some good days and some bad ones but letting go and grieving, prayer, encouragement, friends, relatives, this site, therapy and taking generic ativan as need has helped me.
Peace and blessings,
Kah

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on January 9, 2009 at 1:26am

Hi Kah,its good to hear from you again.Hope things is kind of getting back on the road for you. I know not all the way,but some. As I say all the time my heart is still aching with pain. I miss Kris so much. I have the two boys just about every weekend. The youngest looks so much like his Dad. The oldest one remember his Dad and the things that they use to do together and time that they shared together. My heart really goes out for him,he sits and cry when he see the other cousins with their Dads. This hurts so much. I would tell him its OK to cry Kris,that was your Dad,feel free to cry at any time. But other than that I am trying to get it together.April will be 3 years for me with Kris death. So Kah just continue to pray with me and will pray with you.

Permalink Reply by samanthia on January 13, 2009 at 9:28am

I lost my brother , who was mentally disabled and an epileptic, on nov 21st 2008. His death was very unexpected, we did not realize anything was wrong. The docs say it was a brain anurysum. It left my family very devastated and numb. Then the holiday's come, and now tomorrow would of been his 39th birthday. I pray my family has the strength we will all need to make it through the day.Some day's are better than others.

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Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on January 13, 2009 at 11:27am

Hi Samanthia,my name is Elaine,sorry to hear about your love one. I sit and thank God for helping me to make it through a brain aneurysum. I had my brian aneurysum while driving on the I-10 in Baton Rouge,La. This was almost one year after my son Kris fatal car accident. I was under so much stress that I guess my brain could not take anymore. But only God knew how much I could bare. My son Kris death has brought me so much heartache and pain. I miss Kris so much,I am still crying. I know a lot of people says,its time for her to let go now. Maybe it is,but everyone grieving period is not the same. My son died in a fatal car accident,and I lived from a sickness that to many people don't survive. My doctor told me that I was a walking miracle. Some said God left me here for a reason. I stayed in intensive care for 11 days,whereas other patients was dying from the same illness. So I know I have a lot to thank God for. The Lord brought me back in my right mind,activities of my limbs and back to my family. But Samanthia think about the good times that you shared with him. I know it is going to tough,but God will and can bring you through this. I know he will,sometimes I wonder why am I hurting so bad,but I know God will deliver me through my hard times to. It is about 3 years now. God maynot come when I want him to,but he is always on time. So just remember that earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal.

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on January 13, 2009 at 4:16pm

http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/abby-hoda/homepage.aspx
Samanthia, I lost my sister last year and she was also mentally disabled. I think it is so hard because we tend to shelter and protect them and you invest so much of yourself that when you lose them you feel an even more pronounced sense of grief. I know I feel as if I have lost a child a real part of me. I included her website for you to see if you would like and I am so glad you included a picture of your brother to your post. I hope you will take comfort in the knowledge that your brother and my sister are now made whole in the arms of God. I will keep you in my prayers and their are a lot of supportive people here you can talk to. Stephanie

Permalink Reply by Kah Massey on January 13, 2009 at 7:57pm

Hello Samanthia,
I pray right now that God will give you and your family the strength needed to move forward. I lost a sister in 8/07 that had a disability and a half-brother 9/07 and a brother 7/94. My heart has been so heavy at times but I have gotten some professional help. I also started grad school and I am working on a masters in special education. The loss of my sister has been a driving force for me to complete this degree. I am half done and I got a letter in the mail today to join an international educational honor society. Praise God. Feel free to contact us here because we are here to support each other. Please remember the good times. It is okay to grieve and you should. Thank you for posting his picture.

Permalink Reply by Angela on January 13, 2009 at 1:49pm

Hello, my name is Angela. I lost my two brothers ( Alvin 20, Michael 8) when they drowned almost two months ago. I never thought I would be going through this and I really don't know what to do, think or feel.

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