Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on November 3, 2008 at 2:43pm

My neice process all the pictures that is on his site. She is really good at this,wish I had the talent.

Permalink Reply by lil ole me on November 1, 2008 at 8:18pm

my heart goes out to you i just lost my mother and sometimes its so overwhelming but then i think about her being with my heavenly father and seeing his face that is all that brings me comfort

Permalink Reply by Erica Pomerleau on November 3, 2008 at 7:20am

My Mom is my best friend so I can't imagine the pain of losing her. I miss my brother every single day but I am comforted in the fact that I will see him again someday.

Permalink Reply by Sherry Phelps on November 14, 2008 at 6:24am

I lost my dearest sister Tina tragically in a automobile accident 5 years ago and the pain is never ending for me. I am the oldest of three girls and she was the baby. She left behind 2 precious boys who loved her dearly. She was only 35 years old. She fell asleep at the wheel of her car and she went off the road and crashed head on in a tree. I just about died. I lost my wonderful sister who had so much love and fun in her. My other sister and I wept so much and my parents who are elderly got the shock when a police officer came to the door and gave the terrible news. My poor mother never recovered from her death and in March of this year she passed away. And then in August of this year i lost my granddaughter who was six weeks ago. She died in her sleep of an aneurism.
the losses keep coming in our family. So to those out there who lost a sibling i know exactly how you feel and my prayers are with you. May there be strength and love and support for you. God Bless You and if anyone would like to email me your more than welcome. My email address is: sweetsherry196543@yahoo.com

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on November 14, 2008 at 9:14am

Hi Sherry,my name is Elaine I really know what you are talking about. It's going on 3yrs. for me.I know I still have heartache,pain and still crying. But this site has encourage me so much and also let me know that I am not alone. I use to say,I wonder if any other mother have heartache and pain like I do even though it has been 2yrs. But after being on this site I have learned some people has carried their heartches and pain even longer than me. Sherry my son Kris was 28 yrs.old,he wa a New Orleans Firefighter for 4 yrs. Hurricane Katrina tore our lives apart. My Mom and Dad had 10 kids,we all had never been separated before until Katrina. We all was diaplaced in different states. We are a close nit family. So you can imagine what our phone bills looked like calling each other every nite. Kris and his family decided to move to Ga. He accepted the Firefighter position and after he was told he had to be a EMT also in the state of Ga. in order to become a Firefighter. Two weeks before graduating from EMT school Kris was killed in a fatal automobile accident in 2006. Kris SUV flipped over and he was killed instantly. kris also left behind two boys Kris J. and Kory J. You know my heart still goes out for Kris Jr. because he was old enough to know what was going on. Kris was really a family man. Like your Mom I took it so hard. I held my tears back to be strong for my 2 grandsons,my daughter,my son and Kris fiance. I took kris death so hard that in march of 2007 I had a brain aneurysms. I stayed in intensive care for 11 days. I really had a chance to talk with GOD. So you know I know how you and your sister feels. My daughter and I went through it together because my oldest son left his job as an EMT in New Orleans and moved to Ga. My daughter Lyntrelle and Kris wa so close. She was 5 months pregnant doing the time kris was killed and it was so hard on her. She named her daughter Kristen J. So yes may there be Strength,Love and support for us all. my e-mail address is teediep@yahoo.com). Sherry here is my son kriss Memorial web Site if you are interested or might like to do this for your sister. This web site offer this for your love ones.(http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/wemissyouKrisJP/Homepage.aspx)

Permalink Reply by carlisa hoover on November 14, 2008 at 3:39pm

Losing a sibling is hard to even realize it's happened. I till this day still pick up the phone just to say "I love you sis" , and she 's no longer here anymore. This has been one of the hardest things I have had to go through yet. They say time will heal but it's the guilt of wishing things could have been different , and the question of "why" always seems to stay around , but where to turn for answers?
I have searched my heart to figure this out but i no that I will never have an answer as to why. I have asked god to help me through this and i know he will god is an awesome god he knew my sister was very sick so he called her home. There is a song out now by a singer named brandy and the song is called "departed" i have listened to the song and found it quite comforting i would highly recommend everyone to listen the song at least once it really helps me when i am missing my sister. I am the youngest in the family and i took care of my sister the last eight years of her life because she had a tragic accident and broke her neck so i cared for my sister till her last days on earth and wish she could still be here but she is no longer suffering from sickness and she can now walk and talk again. So i have found comfort in that but it's going to take awhile for me to get back to normal again.

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on November 28, 2008 at 8:17am

Carlisa, You inspired me to write my story because I also took care of my sister. I have the same feelings of wishing things could have been different, all the regret and guilt that goes along with caring for someone you love. God is awesome and I do believe he cares for the caregiver and will see us through this. I doubt the pain will ever go away but maybe it will lessen with time. God Bless Stephanie

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on December 12, 2008 at 2:17pm

Carlise, How are you doing. I saw your profile and realized you live near me. I also had all of the challenges of being the only one in my family that really stepped up to take care of my sister. It really feels more like losing a child than a sister. I have been working on her memorial site and that seems to have helped me through the holidays but I do miss her so much. I also praise God because she no longer has to bear the burden of mental illness and being deaf and I know she is made whole. If you need a friend I can send you my e-mail address or you can contact me through her memorial at Legacy.com---Abigail Hoda. I wish for you strength and peace thru the holidays. Stephanie

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on November 28, 2008 at 7:43am

I can't even begin to describe how I hurt over the loss of my sister Abigail "Abby" Hoda on 9/4/07. She was 2 years younger than me, deaf, valedictorian of her high school class and then struck down with mental illness after graduation. After spending 20 years in a state facility in Miss. I was able to get her transferred to a facility in Okla near me. I immersed myself in her care learning all I could about her illness, taking sign language classes to communicate better, and even though I couldn't physically care for her I spent as much time as I could with her. She was very sweet and loving and even though the mental health system failed her badly she always had a smile. No matter what challenges we faced I adored her and treasured those visits. I know with every fiber of my being she is in the arms of God but it doesn't take away the pain. I created a serenity garden where I can go sit with angel statues and white flowers and remember her. I also adopted the 2 organizations that helped her so much so that maybe her legacy can live on. I used to be on the Board of Directors at both places but resigned when she died because I couldn't continue. Maybe over time I can give more than just donations but not yet. It has been a hard year because I feel this big empty spot in my heart. I am blessed with a wonderful supportive husband who can still talk about it and let me cry. I just hope that sharing her story can give another family peace and help some of my family realize that their problems pale in comparison to what she went through. My biggest regret is that I wasn't there to hold her hand when she died. I was supposed to go visit her that day on my way to Texas to see my mother in the hospital. The Social Security office called that morning and it took me forever to straighten out some of her paperwork and by the time I got on the road for the 5 hour trip it was 11am. It was raining as I neared the intersection to go west 150 miles to see her 1st or go west 150 miles on to Texas. I called my sister who lived in Texas and asked her if I waited until the next day would she go with me to visit Abby and she said yes. I turned East toward Texas at about 3pm and when I got to Texas I got the call. I was so very angry with myself that I could have been there and wasn't. I know in my heart the Lord intervened because I had a DNR on her and I had already been faced with this several times in the year before she died and each time it devastated me. I know he needed her and at the same time protected me from that awful decision.
IT STILL HURTS ---------- Stephanie

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on December 12, 2008 at 3:40pm

Hi Stephanie,this is Elaine I can feel what you are talking about. In April it will be three years for me,and it still hurts. I ask if there were anyone or anybody that carried this hurt and pain for so long. But after joining this Web Site I found out that I was not alone. In fact some carried the pain a little longer. I to wondered why I did not get the chance to say good-bye to my son kris. But you know God did that for a reason. I don't know if I had to make that decission on Kris life,it would have been more than I can bare. Jesus knows just how much we can bare. So Staphanie just continue on remembering the good time that you had with your sister. I have six sisters and if I should loose one,I don't know what I would do. I will be praying with and for you.Do the same for me.

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on December 12, 2008 at 5:52pm

Elaine, Thank you for that support. I had surgery a month ago on my foot so I have to stay off of it. I have used that time to create Abigail's memorial site on Legacy so it has really given me a sense of peace. It is a very real place I can go to visit her. It became like a mission to really honor her and all she went through. But praise the Lord she is in his hands. Feel free to visit Abigail Hoda. God Bless Stephanie

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Permalink Reply by Kah Massey on December 12, 2008 at 5:18pm

Hello to everyone on the site....A big hello to Elaine,
I can relate to lots of the stories here.
My prayers go out to everyone.
I lost a brother 7/94, a sister 8/07 and another brother 9/07. I was very close to all of them. My heart stills aches especially during this time of the year. My sister had a mental illness and she was mistreated by the paid folks that said they were taking care of her. My family has no closure and it has become a legal matter. I started grad school 9/07 working on a masters in special education and I am dedicating it to my sister. I had to take a break from school 1/08-5/08 to seek some professional help to deal with the losses.
I started back to school in 5/08 and my GPA is 3.92 and for that I give God the "praises".
Prayer, therapy, this site, friends, my husband, daughter, other family members and educating myself more about mental illness, grief, death, losses of siblings, have help me get through each day. Some days are better than others. Once I am done with grad school(which will be another year) I will be writing a book on dealing with
losses, grief, death. I pray we will all find the peace and comfort we need to live life to the fullest in honor of our love ones. Let's continue to support each other on this site. It has been very helpful.

Happy Holidays to everyone,
Kah

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