Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Tereca Megee on November 28, 2010 at 1:18pm

You can still find strength thru your Rose!! She wouldn't want you to cry for her, but it's ok to cry for yourself. I lost my husband of 35 years 7 weeks ago. the first few weeks were horrible. I still miss him a lot, we were best friends for 39 years, and as you say, soul mates. He used to tell me sometimes it scared him because it seemed we were one spirit. Hang in there....cry your heart out. But remember to eat and take any prescribed medication you need for yourself. Focus on the good years with her, not the dying. It really does help, eventually. To start with it just made me cry because I knew there would be no more good times. Like your Rose, my husbands health declined rapidly. He was diagnosed with a rare, rapid growing, untreatable cancer on August 11, 2010. His health declined slowly thru September. It progressed quickly in October. His 54th birthday was Oct. 14, he died in my arms at home on Oct. 17. I am grateful that I could be with him to ease that last journey and relieve his fears. Focus on the good times, as I am sure you had many with your Rose.

Permalink Reply by Pete Bronson on November 28, 2010 at 3:08pm

Thank you so much for sharing Tereca. I am deeply sorry for your loss and understand what you have been through. I am doing my best to take care of myself but sleep is difficult when the person you slept next to all those years is not there any longer. I have been eating alone but infrequently for several weeks and while not enjoyable I realize it is a required function to sustain myself. Things like making a cup of coffee in the morning are hard because I automatically make 2 cups. I have been using the good memories so far but like you said it brings temporary relief until you remember there will be no more of those.

Like your experience the diagnosis and passing came very close together. We had a month period of hospitalization to stabilize her condition but because she was so frail treatment specifically for the cancer was never an option. Other on going health issues played a major role in this too.

I take some comfort in knowing I was able to devote all my time to her these last couple months and know that my presence in her last day made it easier for her. She told me at the beginning of Nov. she was more concerned about what would happen to me after she passed then she was of passing. I know this is true because 1 of her last acts while she had the strength to on Friday morning was to cup my face with her hands, kiss me, and tell me she loved me forever and always.

I feel a certain degree of guilt over my selfishness in not wanting her to pass and lamenting of being alone. My pastor told me this is typical in this case and it is totally acceptable as long as I do not dwell on just that. I am readying myself to go visit some long term close friends for a few days to look at photos and share stories of our good times.

Again Thank You for your kind and helpful words. I hope to find more pleasantries to share with others here as time moves forward to help both myself and others deal with their grief.

Permalink Reply by Edler Sterling Broussard on November 28, 2010 at 3:20pm

Sorry for your lost Pete. My wife past away after 5 weeks of trying to recover at the hospital in the icu. I know what you're going through and I am here to let you know that you have family with us. We all share the same in common. You will never get over your lost but taking one day at a time you will learn to live with it. I still miss my wife and love her just as I did before she passed away and I'm getting a little better at living each passing day. We are here for you Pete. Prayers and hugs, Ed.

Permalink Reply by Tereca Megee on November 28, 2010 at 4:10pm

Pete Bronson said:

Thank you so much for sharing Tereca. I am deeply sorry for your loss and understand what you have been through. I am doing my best to take care of myself but sleep is difficult when the person you slept next to all those years is not there any longer. I have been eating alone but infrequently for several weeks and while not enjoyable I realize it is a required function to sustain myself. Things like making a cup of coffee in the morning are hard because I automatically make 2 cups. I have been using the good memories so far but like you said it brings temporary relief until you remember there will be no more of those.

Like your experience the diagnosis and passing came very close together. We had a month period of hospitalization to stabilize her condition but because she was so frail treatment specifically for the cancer was never an option. Other on going health issues played a major role in this too.

I take some comfort in knowing I was able to devote all my time to her these last couple months and know that my presence in her last day made it easier for her. She told me at the beginning of Nov. she was more concerned about what would happen to me after she passed then she was of passing. I know this is true because 1 of her last acts while she had the strength to on Friday morning was to cup my face with her hands, kiss me, and tell me she loved me forever and always.

I feel a certain degree of guilt over my selfishness in not wanting her to pass and lamenting of being alone. My pastor told me this is typical in this case and it is totally acceptable as long as I do not dwell on just that. I am readying myself to go visit some long term close friends for a few days to look at photos and share stories of our good times.

Again Thank You for your kind and helpful words. I hope to find more pleasantries to share with others here as time moves forward to help both myself and others deal with their grief.

Permalink Reply by Tereca Megee on November 28, 2010 at 4:28pm

Isn't it amazing that the loves of our lives worry about us being ok after they are gone? How much love does that show? If your Rose was like my Don, the suffering had to stop, I could not beg him to stay with me and be that miserable. I could only ask him to watch for me when my time comes. I'm going to get on the back of his winged Harley, and we will ride together forever. His last words were "I love you" and it will sustain me. Found a beautiful poem here a week or so ago...

God saw you getting tired and the cure was not to be,
so he put his arms around you and whispered "come with me".

With tearful eyes I watched you and saw you pass away,
although I loved you dearly, I could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest,
God broke my heart to prove, he only takes the best.

You DO have a family here. I am also on Facebook if you want to chat.



Pete Bronson said:

Thank you so much for sharing Tereca. I am deeply sorry for your loss and understand what you have been through. I am doing my best to take care of myself but sleep is difficult when the person you slept next to all those years is not there any longer. I have been eating alone but infrequently for several weeks and while not enjoyable I realize it is a required function to sustain myself. Things like making a cup of coffee in the morning are hard because I automatically make 2 cups. I have been using the good memories so far but like you said it brings temporary relief until you remember there will be no more of those.

Like your experience the diagnosis and passing came very close together. We had a month period of hospitalization to stabilize her condition but because she was so frail treatment specifically for the cancer was never an option. Other on going health issues played a major role in this too.

I take some comfort in knowing I was able to devote all my time to her these last couple months and know that my presence in her last day made it easier for her. She told me at the beginning of Nov. she was more concerned about what would happen to me after she passed then she was of passing. I know this is true because 1 of her last acts while she had the strength to on Friday morning was to cup my face with her hands, kiss me, and tell me she loved me forever and always.

I feel a certain degree of guilt over my selfishness in not wanting her to pass and lamenting of being alone. My pastor told me this is typical in this case and it is totally acceptable as long as I do not dwell on just that. I am readying myself to go visit some long term close friends for a few days to look at photos and share stories of our good times.

Again Thank You for your kind and helpful words. I hope to find more pleasantries to share with others here as time moves forward to help both myself and others deal with their grief.

Permalink Reply by Barbara Roth on November 28, 2010 at 4:47pm

Pete, I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to lung cancer on Oct.21,2010. Jim and I would have been married 38 yrs on Nov.8. This site has been a blessing to me, as I hope it will be to you. I took a leave of absense from work to take care of Jim. I agree, this part is really ugly. I miss Jim so much, he was my rock. I don't have any suggestions to help since I'm so new to this journey, but this site has been my lifeline. There's alot of nice people here. Take care,Pete, we are here for you.

Permalink Reply by Jerry on November 28, 2010 at 4:48pm

Hello Pete,sory to here of you loss. My wife was 55 when she passed on in January. She was also under hospice care at home for the last 3 months. I am lucky that I am not working and was able to care for her. The last year of her life was terrible, the chemo weakened her so bad that in May 09,she wound up with swine flu and spent a month in ICU, 2 weeks on a ventilator, it was touch and go ,but somehow she pulled through, she had 2 months that were good, then she slipped away. The only suggestion I have is to try and remember the better times together, I know it is hard, since my mind often drifts to the last few months.My best days follow a night that I drem of her,wish it would happen more often. This site has helped me, glad I found it.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on November 28, 2010 at 5:29pm

pete, i am so very sorry for your recent loss. i lost my husband to cancer on feb. 26th 2010. it was very quick also. he was diagnoised in nov. they told us it was a stage 4 lung cancer that had metasized to the brain in two spots. it was inoperable. the drs. recommended treatment , so my husband had 12 radiation treatments on the brain and one chemo treatment. he turned 58 2 wks before he passed away. he wanted to live so badly and of course i couldnt even consider the possibility of him leaving me. neither of us really realized how bad it was or how quickly the cancer would take him. neither of us had dealt with any kind of illness to this extent. so when i look back on it now, maybe it was a blessing we were so ignorant. my husband was my everything. he was my very best friend. now i feel so lost and alone without him i could just die. so i know exactly how you are feeling and i just want you to know that i am here for you whenever you need to talk. their are plenty of others on this site that will gladly be their for you also.i am sure that you are grateful that you were able to be their for rose, i am feeling a little guilty that i didnt take a leave of absence sooner than i did. i too, found strength through my husband.he was always their for me, looking out for me always had my back, if you know what i mean.my husband , luckily didnt suffer except the last few days to my knowledge. i do thank GOD for that. take it one day at a time, and be kind and gentle to yourself. you have a grieving process to go through and it is going to be an emotional roller coaster ride. we are all different and we all grieve differently. what works for one person may not work for another. i will keep you in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by Audrey on November 28, 2010 at 6:17pm

Pete,
3 months ago today my beloved 52 yr old husband died. We had been married over 28 years. So sorry for your loss and that we are welcoming you into this group. I have always thought that we never know how strong we are until stressed. I think you will also find this to be true. Only those of us who have dealt with terminal illness and loss of a spouse can understand the pain. Please know that you can lean on the others at this site for strength and eventually will be providing strength at times when you have extra.
Please take care of yourself, know that others are out here, you are not alone in your grief.

Sending you some strength as today I have some extra.
A

Permalink Reply by Kyle Snow on November 28, 2010 at 7:16pm

Dear Pete Bronson:

I am very sorry to hear about the passing of your beloved wife. The loss of a love one can cause great pain and sorrow. We can find comfort in the Bible to know that when someone that we love dies, no longer experience pain and suffering anymore (Ecclesiastes 9:5, 6). I can only imagine how you may feel, but at least we can look forward to a resurrection hope (John 5:28, 29). What a wonderful time it will be to be able to see and live with our dear love ones again on peaceful conditions on the earth (Psalm 37:11). May you find comfort in the Bible's promises during your time of loss. Kyle

Permalink Reply by Kay Arcuni on November 28, 2010 at 7:58pm

Pete, I am so very sorry for your loss. My Joe passed with in 24 hours of going to the emergency room, and we never said our good byes after 33 years my very best friend was gone. This is will be hard and you will be in pain, don't let anyone tell you this is not physically painful, but stay here with us we can help. It has been just over 3 months for me. Every one of us feels or has felt everything you are feeling now. My advise is don't do anything without speaking to someone first. Ask one of your friends to help you go thru things, you won't be thinking straight and you will need help, just to have a voice of reason in your corner. I was one of those people that would never ask for help, but put that aside for right now, I was so glad I did because that is when you find your true friends.
Trust in the love you shared, and let that be of some comfort to you. She is there with you, if you let her be. Peace and Love, my thoughts will be with you during this difficult time.

Permalink Reply by Charlene Ozawa on November 29, 2010 at 1:43am

Hi Pete. Sorry for your loss. It was five months on November 19 that my Michael died. Michael had several heart attacks in July 09 and quadruple bypass surgery. We thought he would be fine but by last November his bypasses were failing and he almost died. Again we thought he would survive then in March he started with liver failure. June 19 when icame home from work he seemed ok and I fixed him dinner. After dinner I made a phone call to one of our daughters and when I returned to the room I new something was wrong. Called 911 and he was rushed to the ER. While on route and in the ER he had multiple heart attacts. The doctor said he would not make it and I was to say good-by. Going to the room to be with him, he had another attact. I told him I loved him and said my goodby as he slipped away. We had time during his year of illness to talk a lot and tell each other how much we loved each other. We shared 32 years. Be good to your self. Your Rose would want you to take care of your self. Your emotions will take over at the most unexpected times. Let friends help you. You will be surprised who is there for you and who is not. People will surprise you, annoy you, delight you and disappoint you. You will feel anger and such deep sorrow that I never new was possible. Just looking at other happy couples caused so much pain. Michael was 61 and I am 55. Seeing old couples was hard. That should have been us. All of the people on this site have felt it all. Reading posts helps so you know you are not alone and someone here as felt what you have felt. I was comforted to find out that I wasn't the only one to cry the first time I went grocery shopping for one. Sound trivial but there are so many milestones to go through. Gather your strength where you can and remember Rose's love for you will always be there. We are all grieving but some people will have never known the love we have shared with are spouses. Hugs....

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