My husband committed suicide in March, 2010 after 26 years of marriage.  Although, he had some health issues and a company he worked for closed in 2007; I never thought he was in such pain and desparation.  We had argued that evening prior to him leaving the house and never coming back.  I feel so guilty for putting the last drop of water into the cup that pushed him over the edge.  Although, I have been to grief groups and to a psychologist, the meetings are never frequent enough or long enough for me to express my feelings and get some relief from the grief and depression.  I still feel hopeless and helpless in that I lost my good paying job and financial stability in June, 2010 after he died, and I have nothing to look forward to in the future.  I am working for a quarter of the salary I once had and will probably have to foreclose on my house in the next couple of months.  I don't know how much longer I can deal with the stress and issues that I currently have in my life.  Any thoughts, suggestions, anyone can give me. 

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Patricia, 

Pray and just keep praying.  We can never know what is in the heart of someone else and we have no more control over their actions than we do over the weather.  You need to forgive yourself and quit holding yourself responsible.  Hand it over to God...tell Him you've done all you can and it's in His hands now.  I have firmly come to believe that everything happens for a reason and even though we don't know what it is, eventually we will.  And every horrible thing we have gone through will eventually turn out to be for our best.  I know that's hard to believe when you are feeling as down as you are now.  You know, things are just things and can always be replaced.  So you lose your house...horrible to think about.  But now you have the opportunity to move any place in the world you've ever wanted to move.  Look through the Career Builder and Temp agency jobs and see if you can find a job some place new.  Some of them provide housing for a temporary period of time.  Open your mind up.  This has been the hardest thing for me after losing George.  I miss him like crazy and I hurt so bad but you know what, for the first time in 41 years and can do whatever I want to do!  That's a very empowering feeling.  It's almost like being 20 again and having the world at your feet.  I know it's very hard to not focus on all of the negative things in your life right now but try to turn things around and focus on those few positives..."If I lose the house I won't have to replace the ....."  If I don't have to make house payments, I can save that money for my new life".  Think big Patricia!  Go back to school or do something you've always wanted to do.  Wouldn't your husband want you to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and move forward.  I decided to change my attitude with the New Year and it has made a tremendous difference in my outlook on life.  It's sort of like the story of the man who cried because he had no shoes until he saw the man with no feet.  I'm rooting for you Patricia!  You have it in you to take the bull by the horns and let the world know you may be down but you're not defeated!

Hugs,

Charlotte

Charlotte,

 

Thank your for your encouragement.  I have been praying but since things to continue to go downhill, cannot do it with enthusiasm.  I have always prayed and been a positive person but it is difficult to be that way now.  Probably because I was always the strong one that my husband leaned on.  I thought I would immediately know what I wanted to do with my life in the future since it's just me and my mother (who still gets along well and lives in her own home), but I am still pondering and searching.  I think once I experience the pain of leaving my house; I will get better.  I think by staying there, I will always be depressed and miss him to much.  I'll try to get stronger though.  Again, thanks for your words and I'm glad to hear how you have come to terms with your experience.
 
Charlotte Steer said:

Patricia, 

Pray and just keep praying.  We can never know what is in the heart of someone else and we have no more control over their actions than we do over the weather.  You need to forgive yourself and quit holding yourself responsible.  Hand it over to God...tell Him you've done all you can and it's in His hands now.  I have firmly come to believe that everything happens for a reason and even though we don't know what it is, eventually we will.  And every horrible thing we have gone through will eventually turn out to be for our best.  I know that's hard to believe when you are feeling as down as you are now.  You know, things are just things and can always be replaced.  So you lose your house...horrible to think about.  But now you have the opportunity to move any place in the world you've ever wanted to move.  Look through the Career Builder and Temp agency jobs and see if you can find a job some place new.  Some of them provide housing for a temporary period of time.  Open your mind up.  This has been the hardest thing for me after losing George.  I miss him like crazy and I hurt so bad but you know what, for the first time in 41 years and can do whatever I want to do!  That's a very empowering feeling.  It's almost like being 20 again and having the world at your feet.  I know it's very hard to not focus on all of the negative things in your life right now but try to turn things around and focus on those few positives..."If I lose the house I won't have to replace the ....."  If I don't have to make house payments, I can save that money for my new life".  Think big Patricia!  Go back to school or do something you've always wanted to do.  Wouldn't your husband want you to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and move forward.  I decided to change my attitude with the New Year and it has made a tremendous difference in my outlook on life.  It's sort of like the story of the man who cried because he had no shoes until he saw the man with no feet.  I'm rooting for you Patricia!  You have it in you to take the bull by the horns and let the world know you may be down but you're not defeated!

Hugs,

Charlotte

Patricia my heart goes out to you.  I will include you in my prayers tonight.  Hang in there.

 

Hugs Sue

patricia: first of all i am so sorry for your loss. please take day by day. we here on this site are here for you. here you can vent all you want and we will never judge you. stress is a way of dealing with our problems you did not put the last drop of water into the cup that pushed him over the edge please do not blame yourself maybe he was thinking of it quite awhile we will never know who knows how long he was depressed with losing his job and the health issues he had. my prayers are with you and please keep on this site you will meet many people that have different losses i also went to therapy for a few months but when i found this site i stopped going. hugs to you and again do not blame yourself for something that could not have been stopped

 

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