loss of husband

I lost my husband of 21 years on 8/8/10, he went to bed and the next morning i went to wake him up at 8:30 (he never slept past 6 or 7) and he was dead. It has been very very hard. He had 2 open heart surgeries one in 3/07 and 8/07, then became insulin dept type 2 in 9/08 and in 9/09 stage 3b lung cancer. For the past three years my life was entwined with is hospital, doctors,chemo,visiting nurses and now it is empty. I loved him more than anything we worked together I am a property manager and he was the maintenance supervisor. I thought I had it under control but for the past week I cannot stop crying where I am getting sick. I am so lonely. I have a son but I do not want to be around people and make them miserable. My son is having a hard time also but he has a girlfriend and his son who is 13. I am busy working everyday, church, friends, etc. but there are more lonely days than filled days. How do you cope and stop being sad and crying yourself to sleep.

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Permalink Reply by margie sexton on November 19, 2010 at 1:16pm

Renee,

Thank you so much for sharing with me what you are going through. I have had a really bad week. My husband's birthday and then he was a deer hunter so alot of memories have stirred up. I thank God that I have a job and am able to work or I would be in a mental hospital. My grieving sometimes makes me literally sick and I hate the way I feel. I do not want to be around anyone just by myself because I feel I am bringing them down with me and it is not fair to them. Yesterday was a pretty good and normal day but i can hardly wait for bed to get the days over with and start over. They say it gets easier and I am waiting for that time. My husband was a funny, caring and compassionate man and I miss his laugh, his smile, and his voice telling me how nice my hair looked, about my pretty blouse, and so on he was always there for me and now I have no rock to lean on, he was my everything. Yes I am thankful that he was home and did not suffer just went to sleep and never woke up that is how he always wanted to die and he knew from the bottom of his heart that God would be with him and lead him. He was a good good man and loved by many. He was laid out for only 7 hours and had over 400 visitors and everyone had a story to tell. He is missed dearly by all who loved him. Margie