Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
Lost my husband
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Permalink Reply by Sara Murphy on
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Mary......It's been said that when a song comes on that instantly reminds us of our loved one, that they're there at that very moment. The fact that you felt the urge to turn the radio on and your wedding song was playing means Bob was in that car with you. It's hard to believe they're always with us because we can't see or hear them but I do believe it. I've had many circumstances since losing Ken that tell me he's here and watching over me.
It's been almost 7 months for me and I still cry for him most days. I do go about my business.......I work full time, have to do my errands and daily chores and make time to see my nieces but no matter how much I do to fill my days, it doesn't take away the pain or emptiness. We were together nearly 30 years so he was my life for my entire adult life. There's no reason for you to apologize and say you're sorry for crying. It's not only okay, it's normal. Something you probably heard already is to not let anybody rush you through your grief. Those who haven't experienced this cannot offer valid advice.
Wishing you a tolerable day.
Love, Sara
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Permalink Reply by Marsha H on
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Mary ...
How are you doing. We miss and worry about you. When your days are the darkest is when you should come to the forum and talk to us. You are part of our family. I do pray that not hearing from you that you're having a few good days.
Hugs
Marcy
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Permalink Reply by Mary Clough on
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Hi Marsha, no good days sorry, trying to do the things my husband took care of, and having no clue how to do it, I hate getting the mail iam trying to keep the house, but looks like I might be fighting a battle I can't win, but iam not ready to throw in the towel yet, this house is where Bob grew up, losing it will tear me up, so iam trying, iam sorry you all are so great and god knows I need your kind words and wisdom, but I hate to tell people my issues makes me feel like I am a failure, when I lost Bob I lost a lot of my can do attitude now I just feel lost, lonely and scared to death,I miss Bob so much soooo very much, iam mad at myself for not getting more involved in the monthly bills, I just worked everyday and handed over my check and he took care of the rest, now I lost his social security check and pension and its up to my check to pay it all, I will figure this out I just need time, sorry for ranting love you guys you are all so great, Thankyou for letting me vent, makes me feel like iam not alone!!! Love Mary
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Mary.......You certainly are not alone in dealing with the financial stuff that occurs when losing a spouse. Unfortunately at a time when our brains are shut off from anything and everything, is the time when we need to think about all of this. It's amazing how much strength we draw from our spouses without even realizing it then when they pass we have no idea how we even managed to boil water. Now we're expected to do absolutely everything and it's terrifying. I myself am now paying for our house and all bills with just my salary, bills that were born of 2 full time salaries. I lost his monthly disability payments and because neither he or I are 65, I cannot collect his social security. Right now I'm drawing from what's left of the life insurance money until I slowly rid myself of these bills to where my salary alone can support them. I've already done as Marsha suggested and called the credit card companies of the cards solely in his name. I just had to send in his death certificate and those bills no longer come. It was only 2 bills but it's 2 I no longer have to struggle to pay. Next week I'll be calling the lender he has his boat payment with. My name is not on that either. I was hoping to sell the boat this summer so I had been keeping up the payments but since it didn't sell, I'm calling them next week to tell them I will no longer pay it and they can come pick up the boat. I hate to do it but I have no choice and I know Ken would want me to do anything necessary to make my life easier and especially to keep our house.
Please don't ever apologize for ranting. That's what we're here for, to help each other through these difficult times. This type of grief can't be understood by anyone who has not gone through it. For me, none of my family or friends have lost a spouse so there's no one here for me to talk to in person. Having this group is a life saver because the angels here understand the feelings behind the loss. Please continue to come here, even if it's just to read although a post from time to time is nice. We all begin to worry when we haven't heard from someone in a while.
Love, Sara
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Hi all, I want a do over, I want to go back to they way Bob and I were, except I want to know then what I know now, I want to hear bobs voice and feel his hand in mine, I know we all want the same thing, I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for you all. More then likely in my bed crying, again Thankyou guys for all your kindness it's going to be a hard year for me first anniversary alone, first thanksgiving, first Christmas iam dreading it all, but I do feel a little better knowing I have all of you.. Lots of love mary
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Permalink Reply by Deb S on
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Mary, Since I can't make a do-over happen, I pretend to carry on with Bob at my side. I talk to him, share with him, ask him questions, ask him to watch over our family, and hang out with him. It helps. Debbie
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Awww I do too, I haven't been able to go in his office yet, but his pillows are still on our bed and I haven't changed his cases they smell like him and I can pretend he's here, his clothes and shoes are still where he put them, I soooo miss my Bob, Deb may I ask how you loss your Bob? If you don't want to say that's ok, I do understand how very hard it is, you all have been here for me, please know iam here for you guys too, iam a good listener. Love Mary
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Mary, I haven't touched his clothes, his toiletries, his books, his sports room, etc. My brain recognizes that many of these items, especially his wardrobe, are not serving any purpose sitting in his closet. I recognize that distributing his clothes, shoes, ties, shirts, etc. could make a difference to so many men. My heart isn't rational so I haven't parted with anything. I plan to part with these items in stages as my heart catches up with my brain.
My Bob appeared healthy. He saw his physicians often and followed their medical instructions. He began to experience some mental lapses but was otherwise healthy as a horse. We were actively planning our future.
He suffered a seizure which had never happened previously. He was hospitalized for a week and released to rehab for a week or two. He was in rehab for 5 days. He was fine on a Saturday night and unresponsive Sunday morning. He was transferred to an amazing medical facility. He never regained consciousness and died four days later from multiple organ failure caused by toxic shock syndrome. The cause was never determined. Debbie
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They never determined what caused the seizure? Iam so very sorry Deb,so very sorry, my Bob went to Spaulding rehab, I had so hope he would hold on longer. I believe he gave up when they said there was no hope, 10 weeks and he was gone, I don't know how he got it like your Bob mine was also very healthy, they have no idea what caused the toxic shock syndrome? God my heart goes out to you, love mary
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