As a mom, I do blame myself a lot. It's likely that your mom will, also. But just encourage her that every mom does go through the blame phase, and with time, and wise input from others, it will subside. Regarding your other concern about heaven, my son believed in God as a child, but he went away from that belief as an adult. However, I receive much comfort and encouragement from others who remind me that Charles had a mental disorder (brain disease, if you will) that altered his reality. They remind me that God is just and merciful, and that Charles was not in his right mind, as his illness progressed and ultimately caused him to take his life. I'm not aware of him having made prior attempts, but I do recognize now some increasingly risk-taking behaviors over the past several years.
i lost my son to sucide 2,he left us all hurting,but that was the only way out he could see..it hurts me cause i always ask why did u leave me??the anser i get is i was in so much pain to stay.my heart goes out to u.if u need to talk i am here.
Hi Elaine, I am afraid it does take time to heal from a suicide of a close loved one. Even after 12 yrs. there are moments that still knock me for a loop. I do know what you mean about an accidental or natural death being easier to cope with. There is a lot less guilt involved, and hopelessness. I had a colleague at work who lost a son during a sports training session at school 4 months after my daughters suicide, he was even the same age. She was more concerned about how I would react than about herself. She was afraid it would make me break down again (which it did). My other daughter still has off and on problems associated with her sisters death and suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome for at least a couple of years. The school was very understanding toward her though.
Your parents will take it the hardest. We just aren't prepared to have a child die before us...especially by their own hand. You must all draw strength from each other, and always talk about what is on your minds. It is important not to bury your emotions. Eventually it will be the good memories that will help you heal!! Take care, and write anytime you need to talk, you can even send me a message to my reg. email at firstname.lastname@example.org anytime!! Good wishes to you and your family. Take care of yourself!!
So very sorry for the loss of your sister.Whatever feelings you have on a given day, are valid for you. THere is no easy was down this road of grief.
I am a long time survivor of my mother's suicide. It takes a long time , but eventually you will make it!
If you go to asfp.com, you can find listings for every state , for a support group for suicide loss survivors.
There you can be with other survivors, all in different stages of their grief. It is so comforting to be able to talk to others who really understand your grief. Please consider it. Thanks, Cozette.
I am truly sorry for your loss. With a suicide, if a person attempts and they do that often enough they succeed. My son committed suicide three years ago, he had never attempted, he was impulsive, a typical labeled ADHD kid. So, for him alcohol was the biggest factor, no drugs, live in girlfriend was kicking him out and his birthday was the next day!! I know in my heart why Ryan did what he did, I guess the question is how can you destroy your family who loved you so very much. Was he really thinking about us, no, he was thinking about his pain!! You can feel comfort, you will in time, that your sister is finally at peace, her spirit is at rest and hopefully she is in a beautiful place. With time, you will miss her, but the pain won't be so darn strong!! You will never get over it, past it, or whatever well meaning folks try to say. Your sister was a part of you, your family and that will always be there. You are blessed to have a man that loves you and a little one that needs you that occupies your time, less time on thinking!! It will get better in time!!
Trish, you do say it so well. It really gives me hope that with time the pain will lessen. I too know why Catie did this and I feel like because she attempted so many times we shouldn't really be suprised that she succeeded this time, but it is still is a shock to all of us! Karen, your daughter sounded like a wonderful woman, I hope you have more good days than bad. Trish, I feel like my sister was impulsive too, and a bit immature, once she had it in her head, that was it and there was no stopping her. She couldn't face having to tell people she was no longer engaged and blamed the failure of the relationship solely (and wrongfully) on herself. She blamed everything on herself. I am so lucky to have my husband and baby & I feel like our family is being really strong in getting through this. You're right, just having the baby to care for has made it impossible for me to curl up in bed and sleep all day. Also, he makes us all laugh with his cute baby ways! I hope Catie is at peace, finally. I hope all of our loved ones are now. But, I also hope they know how much we miss them being here with us. Stay strong ladies, and thanks for being an inspiration to me. It helps me to get through it just by knowing that other people have carried on through their own tragedies. Also Karen, I think it's really a great image of your daughter, mother, and grandson being together in heaven. How cute & funny thinking of him teaching his great grandma to play poker!