Maybe it's just me but I have never felt so strongly against Halloween before, it was just a fun time for kids, going trick-or-treating, grandkids coming over wearing their costumes. And of course it was another excuse to eat candy, desserts or, whatever, caramel-dipped apples, cider, the whole bit. I never went out as an adult, never went to a haunted house, never had the desire, didn't decorate, but my husband's mother went way out for every holiday, all the funny decorations. But now, I have never felt so offended due to the way it's portrayed. Death, cemeteries, skeletons. It just makes me cry all the more, they all have no idea what death is really all about. I am so wishing this was all over, and I do mean everything. I'm just in a blase mood. I took a step forward and then a step back, but I guess that's how grief is, sneaking up on you, and remembering the good old days. Until if effects whoever has a death in their family, then they probably don't like Halloween anymore either. I'm feeling so sad and melancholy. I put myself on a strict, rigid diet because when I used to start eating anything good like ice cream, I'd start to feel good then, I start crying while I'm eating the ice cream, so I shut myself off from eating anything that's enjoyable, because life is not enjoyable without my husband here with me. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel him with me, but I know that he is, and my therapist told me I need to live from my heart and feel rather than allow my mind to take over me with too many thoughts. Don't mind me. I just needed to get this out. I hate Halloween. It makes me feel so depressed. The only good thing about Halloween is that after the day is over it's "All Saints Day" which is the day we had the Sacrament of Matrimony to solemnize our marriage on 11/1/74. Another day to get through. Then the next day is "All Soul's Day". Does it ever end? Maybe it's just me.
I wish I could offer some confort Suzanne, but words will not help. My husband loved to see all the neighborhood kids in their costumes and of course our grandchildren. He died on father's day, in our kitchen, in my arms only two weeks before our only grandson was born. I hate all holidays. He died on father's day, how can I celebrate anything? My therapist tells me it could take up to 8 years for the pain to go away. I am not sure I have 8 years in me.