So sorry for your loss, I can definitely relate. I loss my beloved father on 08-08-2013. It has been so hard! Although he would say, not to say this "he was my everything (Next to God)." I can't really tell you how to deal. I know everyone keeps telling me it will get better, but it doesn't seem that way. However, yesterday for the first time I went a whole day without crying since my dad died, but the downfall is that I've been up all night. As much as I miss my father and as much as it hurts, it gives me peace knowing my daddy is resting in paradise now. Anyway God bless you Amy. Hang in there, pray and keep the faith that as time passes your heart will heal.
My Dad passed away a year ago in September. We were so close. I have to agree with Shawn, it depends on what might work for you. Journaling? I wrote down all the memories I could remember about Dad. Really intense exercise? A support group? I like to be with people, so I joined a grief group at church and we discussed a book/video (I can share the title if you'd like.) It was a very intimate and safe place to talk and share feelings.
Also, a friend of mine who lost both of her parents warned me to take very good care of my health, as it's common for people to be illness prone (and accident prone) during grief.
Shawn also said something that I think has been the most comforting thing since Dad died. It is that I know and trust He is in heaven with the Lord. He believed in Jesus Christ as His savior, and that he would join him at death. I believe that too. When I miss him, I thank God that he is with Him.
I've never thought so much about heaven as I have since Dad passed away. It must be incredible. I wish I could understand more about where Dad is, what he is doing, etc. One night driving, I cried and cried and said God, if I could drive for years just to visit Dad right now I would. Please tell him hello for me.
I believe Dad is filled with unimaginable joy, and that makes me happy for him. So much so that I reached a point where I would rather him be there than here, if you can believe it.
The other thing I've felt so much healing from, is to notice that I've taken on more of his mannerisms, jokes, ways of thinking. This is probably some unconscious aspect of grieving. But it makes me feel a part of him, like I am carrying his legacy.
I hope you will find some comfort at this time. It is so very hard to lose a beloved parent.
I realized you might have been asking about how to deal with anger specifically. I learned in group that some people do experience a lot of anger, and it's ok, it is part of grief. Unfortunately, I didn't recognize my anger about Dad, and later realized I'd been taking out on my husband and it was affecting our marriage!
I think it's great that you are realizing your anger. For me, that was half the battle so to speak. Also, I learned that anger is often the tip of the iceberg--underneath it are deeper emotions like hurt, fear, abandonment, etc.
How have you dealt with anger in the past, in other situations?
For me personally, I realized it was easier for me to be angry, than to really stop and let myself cry or whatever. I was afraid that I would lose control if I let myself feel the other feelings. Anger to me felt more "in control." When I learned to take a moment to myself to feel all the feelings, to let go so to speak, it would pass. Things began to get better.
I went to a counselor this past year. Talking with her and my group and friends who had lost loved ones helped (like you are doing here on this forum.) I found that praying to God about my anger and other feelings, and eventually putting energy into exercise and a project that I could really get absorbed in, helped me.