my son's suicide

Can someone tell me when the pain gets easier? It has only been a little more than a month since my son committed suicide and I have so many moments where I just break down crying. I miss him so much. I still have no contact with the person that he was with for over 14 yr.. I still can't get over the fact that she was there and I think she prompted him. I am a Christian and am having a hard time letting go of my questions. Blessings, Jackie

Recommend

1 member likes this

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by LuLu on February 14, 2011 at 10:42am

Jackie - my beautiful, strong and intelligent daughter committed suicide on March 22, 2010 - the anniversay date is coming up...You need to try to be easier on yourself - we are all in pain here - we all wonder if we are going crazy - we all ask over and over again why, why,why - I don't have any of these answers - no one here does but we try to help each other as much as we can. I am probably lucky - my daughter and I were very close - she left me a letter stating that she had wanted to do everything on her own but it was just too hard. Like every parent here, I would have done anything for her but at that moment in time, she did not make that choice. In the days since my loss, I have never had one when I didn't cry - sometimes for 15 minutes or so and sometimes for 6 to 8 hours - I am medicated by the doctor to help me get thru the workday - but I know I will never be the same person again - I will never stop loving her - and I will never stop missing her. You can write anything you like here, we all understand that your life is no longer normal. Over time, friends and family attempt to "pull you through or suggest it it time for you to get over it" - that is why this website and these friends I have made have been so wonderful - they listen, they respond and they help. Just reading everyones' posts makes you realize you are not alone..God Bless You...LuLu

Permalink Reply by Jacqueline Rowles on February 14, 2011 at 2:34pm

Thank you sweetheart for answering me. I am so thankful that I found this site. Everyone has been wonderful. MY one daughter has been wonderful but some famly members have been cruel. I dohave a wonderful suporttive husband . Does anyone on here ever touch personal base with anyone.? Blessings to all. Jackie
LuLu said:

Jackie - my beautiful, strong and intelligent daughter committed suicide on March 22, 2010 - the anniversay date is coming up...You need to try to be easier on yourself - we are all in pain here - we all wonder if we are going crazy - we all ask over and over again why, why,why - I don't have any of these answers - no one here does but we try to help each other as much as we can. I am probably lucky - my daughter and I were very close - she left me a letter stating that she had wanted to do everything on her own but it was just too hard. Like every parent here, I would have done anything for her but at that moment in time, she did not make that choice. In the days since my loss, I have never had one when I didn't cry - sometimes for 15 minutes or so and sometimes for 6 to 8 hours - I am medicated by the doctor to help me get thru the workday - but I know I will never be the same person again - I will never stop loving her - and I will never stop missing her. You can write anything you like here, we all understand that your life is no longer normal. Over time, friends and family attempt to "pull you through or suggest it it time for you to get over it" - that is why this website and these friends I have made have been so wonderful - they listen, they respond and they help. Just reading everyones' posts makes you realize you are not alone..God Bless You...LuLu

Permalink Reply by Melissa on February 14, 2011 at 4:49pm

Shari, there isn't a schedule for lifting of the pain that goes with this kind of loss. I'm a year and a half out from my S.O.'s suicide and I can tell you there still isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel like balling my eyes out. I've called in all the support I can. I'm fortunate to have good health insurance, so I have a main-stream counselor I work with, and I have a massage therapist that also uses ancient Chinese and other therapies to help me get my balance emotionally and physically. I've been sick a lot since Roger took his life and know that it's my body's response to the horrible pain of the loss. The most important thing you can do is to be patient with yourself, it just takes a long time, and just realize you'll carry some of the pain the rest of your life. Find a suicide survivors group in your area and reach out to others who have been through the hell. That will help a lot. I believe in a loving and forgiving God. I have no doubt that my Roger will be there waiting for me when I cross over and I'm confident your son will be there to greet you too! Today is another tough day for me because Roger was such a romantic and made Valentine's Day so special. There just aren't words to describe the hole in my heart! Take good care of yourself! Melissa

Permalink Reply by Jacqueline Rowles on February 14, 2011 at 8:01pm

Thanks to all who take the time to answer and show such love. As I sit here and write this I am weeping so much. I have voice mail and sometime in early Dec. Chuck, my wonderful son called and his message went thru to voice mail and a short time after he passed I was going thru the messages and when it played I broke down. I saved it and today I played a recent message and thoought I had hung up and suddenly my phone rang again and I picked it up and it was Chuck's voice and I broke down. My husband couldn't understand what was going on and he tried talking to me and when I finally told him he said if it bothers me so much maybe I should erase it. I told him NEVER. I was told today by a family member that Jen is moving on and she went out to the bar over the weekend to celebrate her b/d and is moving on. She has not grieved at all and it makes me angry & mad as hell. Today as I said was especially sad because it would have been their anniversary and he always took her out and bought her flowers and I would babysit the children. Thanks to everyone who cares. Love in Christ, Jackie

LuLu said

Jackie - my beautiful, strong and intelligent daughter committed suicide on March 22, 2010 - the anniversay date is coming up...You need to try to be easier on yourself - we are all in pain here - we all wonder if we are going crazy - we all ask over and over again why, why,why - I don't have any of these answers - no one here does but we try to help each other as much as we can. I am probably lucky - my daughter and I were very close - she left me a letter stating that she had wanted to do everything on her own but it was just too hard. Like every parent here, I would have done anything for her but at that moment in time, she did not make that choice. In the days since my loss, I have never had one when I didn't cry - sometimes for 15 minutes or so and sometimes for 6 to 8 hours - I am medicated by the doctor to help me get thru the workday - but I know I will never be the same person again - I will never stop loving her - and I will never stop missing her. You can write anything you like here, we all understand that your life is no longer normal. Over time, friends and family attempt to "pull you through or suggest it it time for you to get over it" - that is why this website and these friends I have made have been so wonderful - they listen, they respond and they help. Just reading everyones' posts makes you realize you are not alone..God Bless You...LuLu