Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Terry Kent on January 12, 2019 at 10:15pm

Hi Vickie. I’m so sorry. You’ve come to a place where people can understand on a personal level how you feel. Your loss is so new and I’m sure you went through such shock and disbelief and felt like you were in a nightmare you couldn’t wake up from. And you’re probably still in that kind of place. My husband was 51 when he died in a sudden tragic accident at work. And although it’s been 5 years Sometimes it still feels like it just happened. Having your whole life planned together and having it cut short just sucks, for lack of a better word. Time will be your friend. The only thing I can say is just take one day at a time, or one moment at a time. Whatever feels right for you is what you need to do for yourself. There are a lot of well-meaning people in our lives who want to help and give advice but no one can understand the raw pain you are experiencing unless they too have suffered the loss of their soul mate. Talking is good, if you have someone who will listen openly. Sometimes just having someone listen without giving any advice or judging was such a help. And therapy was good for me too. A sudden tragic loss just turns your world upside down. I do believe our husbands can see us, watch over us, and send us signs they are with us. When I think back to those first months I just wanted to erase it all and couldn’t cope or function. Of course I’d still give anything to erase what happened, but with the help of my two kids we’ve kept going together. I still want him back every day, I won’t tell you I don’t still cry, but time has allowed the open, raw wound to begin to close up enough that I can function and get through most days. Please reach out whenever you need to, and know you’re not alone. Sending hugs your way, Terry

Permalink Reply by Sara Murphy on January 13, 2019 at 6:12pm

Vickie....I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband.  Today, Jan 13th is the 3 year anniversary since I lost my husband Ken.  He was only 52 years old and we were married for almost 27 years. 

We're certainly too young to be widows.  In fact, I don't call myself a widow.  I'm still Ken's wife, we're just temporarily living in different dimensions but in due time, we'll reunite.  Like you, I'm anxious to be with him again but would never do anything to push it along.  It's God's plan and he'll take me when it's time.  In the meantime I do whatever I can to pass the days.  I don't have children but I do have nieces that I want to watch grow up so they keep me going. 

I'm glad you found us here.  I would have never survived this far if it wasn't for the angels on this site who understand my grief.  I hope you too can find the support needed to manage the all consuming grief that comes with the loss of a spouse.  Just take it a minute at a time and don't look too far into the future.  Please post on the Bereaved Spouses wall to join the conversations.  We're here to help each other.

Wishing you peace,

Sara

Permalink Reply by Cynthia Harbin on January 14, 2019 at 7:14am

Someone wrote that after the loss of a spouse, the second year is the hardest. Well, I have to agree.I loss my husband of 37 years, a year ago last July 25th. He was only 64. We always thought he would get better, and we could live out our lives together into old age. I have to realize that God has a plan for our lives, and my husband went to the grave empty. That is, he gave all to his family, his community, and as he put it, "thankful to be blessed by the Lord, and to try to make the world a better place for everyone". He was like a surrogate father for the at-risk youth in his care. And so I still mourn at church, or at home when his sweet spirit abides with me. I realize to serve other widows who are going through, would please God, and serve as a legacy to honor my husband.

Wishing you the Peace that passes all understanding,

Cynthia

Permalink Reply by Bonny Jones on January 16, 2019 at 1:24pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I am feeling the same way as you are. I lost my husband on Nov 2nd 18 after 47 years and each day with out him gets harder and harder. I wish I knew something to tell you that would make it better but I don’t. Everyone tells me that it will get better but this is a new kinda normal I have to learn to live, I hate it. My head and heart do not want to get along, I know he has passed but my heart wants to deny it. I,just want him to walk in the door and give me a big hug. I have been going to therapy and it has helped me to see that what I am going through is all normal and that I am not going crazy. I am putting myself in Gods hands and I pray things will get better. Hugs to you.Bonny 

Permalink Reply by Michele on July 21, 2019 at 12:10pm

I have been in the background reading all the entries and felt compelled today to respond.  I lost my husband three years ago, but it feels like yesterday too.  He broke his neck literally in an accident and for 4 1/2 years courageously fought to regain walking, and other activities in spite of now being disabled.  I did not have an autopsy when he passed because I felt his physical body had been through hell already; I was being possessive in my grief.  I miss him terribly and wish I had one more day just to sit and talk.  At the same time I appreciate he is no longer in pain; he suffered greatly.  Now, I have to recreate my life without him and it is difficult.  

Permalink Reply by Terry Kent on March 7, 2022 at 1:16pm

I’m so sorry Vickie. Know that here we all can understand your pain. My husband died in a sudden accident at 51. Just didn’t come home from work one day. It’s been 7 years now but I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember that constant yearning to talk to him that you mentioned. It made the days so long. This group was such a blessing for me. It’s the club you don’t want to be in but if you are, sharing with those of us who share in the loss of our spouses is such a help. People understand much more when they’ve experienced loss. Please continue to reach out and take it one day at a time. This is not the life we planned but with strength and support we can go on. ♥️