Hi, I'm desperately looking for someone to talk to. My son Bobby commited suicide on Oct. 5, 2010. He did not leave a note or anything. He had called his friends mom 3 times and she never called the police and by then it was too late. I live a good distance away and had not talked to him at all that day. We had talked everyday up until the day of. I tried to call, but I assumed he was working because he had been working alot of overtime and on second shift. I had no idea what was on his mind. But I keep blaming her because she knew what he was trying to do and did nothing to try and stop him. This has to be normal. I find myself lost and confused alot of the time and it is hard to keep my job, I dont know if I am losing my mind or what. Someone please tell me this is normal.
My name is Catherine. My son took his life three years ago. He was 37. My husband found him. It has been a very difficult journey through the wilderness of grief for all our family. We grieve because we loved him and we still do. Your experience is very similar to mine, and what you are is very normal. It will get easier as time goes on.
I do not have great words of wisdom but I can share what helped us.
Each person grieves differently. I had to accept that. Sometimes this creates friction for those left behind because we expect the others to comfort us, but they cannot because they are grieving too. What helped me are the following.
1. Accepting God's unconditional love for me and my son.
2. I designated a certain day and time for grieving, for example Saturday afternoon. When I became overwhelmed with grief, I would tell myself, "not now.. On Saturday...".
3. I keep a journal and I write all my dreams about my son, poems to him, letters of love and how much I miss him and so on..
4. When the pain of grief comes like a big wave over me, seeking to drown me, I immediately think of what I have left. I choose to think of my 13 year old grandson and how wonderful and loving he is and what a great future he will have. That gives me hope.
5. In my son's memory I have chosen to visit people with mental health issues and comfort them and encourage them. I also give what I can to charities in his name. This is the hidden gift that grief has given me. I am more patient, compassionate and loving toward the hurting.
6. I learned to take care of myself, forgive myself for not saving my son, and accept that it was his choice and it is in the past. Deciding to do the best I can with what I have left in his memory honors him and I don't feel he died in vain.
I pray that my experience may help you and your family in some way. I am sorry for your pain, remember you are not alone and you are loved.
You have a friend in me and if your name is Sharon, so is mine! But I prefer Shari
I am here for you! I also just lost my Beloved Son on 12-28-10.
It's horrible with no note! I'm sure he did not mean to hurt you!
Have you checked out my website?
Thank you Lulu,
The pain never goes away, does it? The other night the TV showed a man shooting himself in the head flashed on the screen-I thought I was going to lose it. My husband could not touch me, there was no help for me at that moment. That picture is still imprinted in my mind. How do we go on living? My son's exgirlfriend wont let me see my Grandson. I have a lawyer and this is a slow process. What if he turns out like his Dad, I'm so scared that he is going to die too. The only family I have left are my 2 daughters and 4 Grandchildren (1 I cant see). My son called his best friends mom 3 times and she never came to him. Because I wrote that comment on FB -the world thinks im crazy. I just stated the facts. If she would have came to him he would still be here. If I sound angry -I am. He has only came to me in a dream to tell me it was possessed or disturbed (I cant remember)for the reason he died. Maybe it was both.
I'm sorry about your daughter. What are we supposed to be doing? I feel guilty if I laugh, I don't know what I am supposed to be doing. I have to work and Lord knows I wish I had money enough to stay home. I am just so sick that my Son did this to me and his kids. I have nothing of his, because his friends mom took everything, she tried to take my identity, by signing to identify his body. She got away with that. She put in the newspaper that she was his mom and they printed it in the obits. That woman has taken my son from me and she gets to see my grandson anytime she wants. Why am I being punished and called crazy? I dont go around claiming to be some other childs mom. Why didn't she perrish? Why my son?? Why, he was a wonderful person, she is evil.
LuLu said:Sharon - I am so sorry for you and know what you are going through. My daughter committed suicide on March 22nd - and still I have not had a single day that I haven't cried anywhere from one hour to 8 hours...I have never felt pain like this in my entire life - I love her so much as you do your son. I can only say that I am still here and with the help from others on this site, I am trying to understand that she was in pain and thought this was the only way. I am medicated by my doctor and have never been one to do that sort of thing - but was sitting at my desk crying all day and could not function. At least, I can get through most of the day now - my daughter called her boyfriend for help - and when he didn't show up, I guess she decided there was no reason to go on. We all love her so much - but that was not her thought at that one moment in time - she wanted his help and it wasn't given. At least now I am trying to know that I will see her again some day and she will help me cross when my time is done - I look forward to that. You are completely normal - DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE IT THRU THE DAY - I used to text my daughter all the time - and I still do that - it goes to the blue nowhere but it is like I am filling her in on my day - I sleep with one of her shirts and spray it with her perfume - I have her pillow that she last laid on...and I don't think any of this is crazy - I will always love her and do what it takes to help me cope. You must do the same .
I would like to reach out to you in friendship as I too have lost my son.
My Dear New Friends,
What we all have to live with is beyond unbearable, this must be the real meaning of the word Hell!
My beloved son Professor Howard Eugene Langer was so loved by all his students, he taught at
California State University Northridge. He was suffering with a horrific mental illness and yet was
highly functional and intelligent but the hopelessness of his situation got the better of him.
I will live with the deepest guilt and remorse a loving mother could possibly have. I didn't do enough to save him! I go through the motions of living but I died that day as well!