Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kathy King Kates on April 7, 2011 at 1:12pm

That sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate Larry's birthday. I am proud of you. And it will mean so much to his son if he can go with you to say thank you to the firemen and celebrate with you. Good luck..

Permalink Reply by mary heinrich on April 7, 2011 at 4:04pm

My husband passed away in nov 2009.  I have gone thru all the 1st -xmas,  birthday, wedding anniv, anniv of his passing.  I never thought I would get thru these things.  I thought the worst - I was being so hard on myself.  I then realized i was letting a date on the calendar overpower me.  I took the day off from work and decided to do something fun that we did together on his birthday.  Sure - I was sad but i think by having a plan in place it was alot easier.    When you come up to the anniv of his passing, plan a special way to honor him.   For me, it was buying a dozen balloons and releasing them with his sister, her husband,daugher,son in law and there kids.  It was great to hear what the kids remembered about there uncle ( 3 5 yr olds and a 7 yr old ) .  I saved 2 balloons to release at home by myself- i wanted to have time to be alone - to cry - to miss him and yes be mad at him for leaving me.  I also went and had a tatto of a butterfly with the cancer ribbon flowing from its wings done on my shoulder-this way he is always with me -looking over my shoulder..   By putting a plan in place,it will make whatever particular day approaching a much easier one to handle.

I think you will have your moments on his birthday but by having a plan in place of baking a cake -it will make the day much easier to handle and special as well.

take care and stay positive  

 

Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on April 7, 2011 at 4:27pm

On 20 May 2010, the first year after Byron died, I brought 'Byron's Birthday Bagels'  (Panera Bread) to work - got some strange looks, some uneasiness, but it made _me_ happy, and I noticed that _all_ the bagels were quickly eaten!

Truthfully, I haven't thought all that much about _this_ 20 May (it would have been the Old, Tired, Decrepit White Man With No Gluetus Maximus's 57th birthday (he was a 1954 Baby)) - but I just have a general sense of feeling good - I actually have more trouble on _my_ birthday, 25 July, because I wish so much that he was with me, and I know he would take me out for a nice dinner, and I remember it being so hard because 25 July 2009 was nearly a month after he died.

Byron, also, wasn't into parties, balloons or things....although he did like the funny cards I would get him, and the little things I'd give him - his favorite tobacco for his pipe, some butane refillers, a favorite men's cologne, some fine cigars or a CD or DVD of his favorite artists (Queen, Beatles, Bruce Springsteen, Doors)

Blessings, peace and comfort be upon you all - Yaca Attwood Perkins

Permalink Reply by Virginia on April 8, 2011 at 6:24am

Christy, that sounds like a wonderfull thing to do and it will teach his son how important these peoples jobs are.My husbands favorite cake was a homemade banana cake and mine was a pineapple upside down cake and he made me one every year. He didn't like it the first time he made it so the next yr. he changed it and used a lemon cake mix and used the pineapple juice  then water to finish the liquid and boy it really turned out good it brought out the flavor  of the pinapple lol. I think your on target with wanting to celebrate his life and I hope you are able to have his son with you I know that would mean alot to you and him. Hugs

Permalink Reply by Christy on April 8, 2011 at 7:01am

Thanks everyone for the ideas & support. I have no idea what I will actually do that day, and if my stepson does not come I may just get out of town. But I am leaning toward going to the fire dept. it's just I have some anxiety over it. Just driving into Atlanta I can feel anxiety taking over, so we'll see. I do think it's good to have a plan A & plan B.

Permalink Reply by Linda G. on April 8, 2011 at 9:16am

Thanks Christy for bringing up the subject of what to do on your spouses birthdays. Neal's birthday is June 12 and I have been dreading it along with Fathers Day. Your idea of what you might do along with the other comments give me hope that the day won't be so depressing. I will have to start thinking of what I want to do on Neal's birthday.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on April 8, 2011 at 9:54am

christy: when georges birthday came on 1/28/ i also took off i did this because i needed to do it for me. george like larry did not care about gifts he also just loved his food. i think it is a wonderful idea about baking larrys favorite cake and bring it to the fire dept. i am sure they would love it. keep us updated on the success of the cake. have his son also involved with the cake baking and bringing it to the firehouse 

Permalink Reply by Alanna Bellflower on April 12, 2011 at 5:09pm

christy that Pineapple upsidedown cake plan sounds like  a winner!!!

And having his son share in that will be awesome for all of you. Having their fav food or doing something they truely loved doing is the best we can do in their memory I beleive.

On the anniversary of my husbands passing I bought a 'Memorial Brick' for his Hospice house patio. I can't tell you how happy I was when my five grown children did the same;with mention of him being 'their beloved stepfather,and Grandfather'.

John loved my kids and their children.

Hewas the best Gandpop imaginable. He loved them like his own flesh and blood.

On our wedding anniversay this year I took myself out to dinner (something I could never do before) I know he was smiling at me sitting there with my Calamari dish. I got thought it without a tear.

Permalink Reply by Joan on April 13, 2011 at 8:52am

My husband loved fireworks of all kinds.  We lived in a very small town, of which he was the City Marshal.  When I cleaned out the garage before the sale, I found all kinds of fireworks and gave them to a family that had been close to us (off and on) and they said they would shoot them off on Jim's birthday, January 22.  I don't know if they did or not as I was not invited.  Maybe the weather was bad at that time, can't remember anything anymore.  But I can imagine sitting there with them shooting off the fireworks and Jim watching from above.  What a nice thing that would have been. 

Permalink Reply by Christy on April 18, 2011 at 8:47am

The day has come & gone. I was truely blessed. I did something for the 1st time that I now know I should be doing every day & that is I got on my knees that morning & asked God to take control of my day- my thoughts, words & actions and I asked him to bless me & to use me to bless others. I poured out my heart. It was a day I did not want. All I could think was 'I don't want to be here but I am so PLEASE DEAR GOD USE ME-YOUR WILL NOT MINE!' Wow! What took me so long??? Everything went smooth- no pills, no anxiety, no tears! I just wanted the day to be about Larry's LIFE- not  death. I think I was able to connect with his son & stress the importance of continuiing down the path Larry put us on and to seek to do things to honor him.  I'm posting photos -if I can - of the firemen & Nahjay wearing the shirt they gave him & our family on Larry's birthday. I love you all- Thank you for all your support~

Hugs, Christy

Permalink Reply by Carol Kayser on April 19, 2011 at 12:00am

Christy, what beautiful pictures!  You did GREAT on Larry's birthday.  I am so very touched by your words also.  My sister in law says that when one feels down, sad, anxious, just close your eyes and climb on God's lap and let Him take over your worries and cares.  Asking God to lift us up to what he wants for us.   I believe it was Sheryl who said name the things you are grateful for since your loss and what I see for you is your strength is shining through, your outreach, your bravery, your relationships, you are making a difference Christy.  Keep building on it, and "You Go Girl"!!

 

Hugs,

Carol

Permalink Reply by Christy on April 19, 2011 at 6:30am

Thank you Carol~ It means so much to me to be able to come here & say my true feelings and not feel ashamed or judged. I love your sister in laws imagery. I know often times when I feel so desperate, I believe I am prostrate at His feet and He just lifts me up in love and mercy. God bless you & thank you for your support; it is priceless!

Hugs, Christy

Carol Kayser said:

Christy, what beautiful pictures!  You did GREAT on Larry's birthday.  I am so very touched by your words also.  My sister in law says that when one feels down, sad, anxious, just close your eyes and climb on God's lap and let Him take over your worries and cares.  Asking God to lift us up to what he wants for us.   I believe it was Sheryl who said name the things you are grateful for since your loss and what I see for you is your strength is shining through, your outreach, your bravery, your relationships, you are making a difference Christy.  Keep building on it, and "You Go Girl"!!

 

Hugs,

Carol