Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Mike Kile on July 16, 2008 at 7:49am

Well i can relate to you because my brother died also in Florida...He was from chicago...after he went down down in miami .....Florida became a place we can go and vacation ...So we bacame very very close...The whole family to him....Then all of a sudden....He's gone at 41 ....Unbelieveable....So so so young....Why?....One the lynette...We have a hope of seeing our loved one's again....So That's what i consistantly dwell on in my life....That soon Through jesus...For the fact he died for our sins...We will have the chance of seeing our loved one soon....So Lynette hold on...

Permalink Reply by Lynette on July 16, 2008 at 7:51am

Thank you Mike for your thoughts and words. I really appreciate it. I am trying to hold on.........I really am.

Permalink Reply by cinda serafin on October 26, 2008 at 12:40am

Dear Lynette,

I was terribly saddened by your experience. Your pain must have been overwhelming but your courage was and still is an example for all wives. You not only took your vows seriously, you lived them! I felt your pain in my own heart when you said that your were not sure anyone would care about your post. You couldn't be more wrong about that. As a young wife myself, I often think about how I would handle such a situation. My husband works for the railroad and I worry about the danger constantly. You asked the question "how do you recover from this?" Lynette, I don't think you ever recover.. I think you endure and with the passing of time you survive. One a spouse dies the range of emotions that one experiences is staggering. You go through the stages of shock, grief, anger, abandonment, and after a long list of others you reach acceptance. I was given a brochure that discusses these stages in detail that I have held onto for some time. It would be my pleasure to send it to you if you feel that it might help. I am leaving my email address for you to let me know where I can mail it to. Until then, may you and your children find peace and know that your experience has affected me profoundly.

Sincerely,
Cinda S.
cserafin123@roadrunner.com

Permalink Reply by Stacy on November 16, 2008 at 3:12pm

Hello Lynette,
I feel your pain, I lost both of my parents in a motorcycle accident about 6 months ago. I feel many of the feelings you felt and are probably still feeling. God bless you are your children, my 14 year old brother was left without parents, how have your boys dealt with it? I have read that you are angry, I dont know your situation, but the woman pulled out in front of my parents, she killed them and I am so angry at her. I know people will say you shouldnt be angry, but i think if you want to be then you can, but at some point you will have to not be anymore but for now its ok.Again, My sincere condolences.

Permalink Reply by Lynne on November 20, 2008 at 1:14am

I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost the love of my life on January 16 of this year. I found him dead in bed of an aneurysm. What a nightmare it has been. I wake up some mornings and hope it was a bad dream .He was my fiancee' , his name was Andy and we were to be married on May 31st of this year. He was my best friend and the first man that I finally was able to say I was in love with. I had two horrible marriages and finally met the one, and now he is gone. To answer your question how do you go on, I dont know that either. Sometimes I dont want to go on. my grandchildren and family absolutely loved and adored him . He was the best . He made me smile more than i ever have on my life. Another sad part of this whole thing is that he had two children of his own . They are now 15 and 19 and I have not seen them since the funeral. I seems like that whole chapter of my life is gone. My heart was ripped right out of my chest. I am currently living with my daughter and her family all my belongings are in storage. I couldnt keep the house we lived in. We were renting it but at the time of his sudden death, I had an accident on my way home from work a few weeks before and had to be airlifted to the hospital trauma unit . I was slowly recovering from that when he died. So I wasnt working and couldnt afford the house or our vehicle . Of course I was helpless and had no choice. My life changed in a split second. I do smile when I remember our happy times and remember him. My life will never be the same. I am back to work as a nurse once again but I have to force myself to get up sometimes. I never knew it would hurt this bad. I dont know when it stops hurting so bad sometimes I cant breathe. I never thought you could miss someone like this. i pray things get better for you. Remember I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Reply if you would like I need all the friends I can get .

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on November 20, 2008 at 8:40am

Hi Lynne my name is Elaine,believe it or not I went thru the same thing,but this guy helped me raise my kids to be grown men and 1 young lady. He was the Love and joy of my life. Look like when Freddie was there I kept a smile on my face. We was together for 24 yrs.and when we decided to get married,he died with a heart attack. This hurted me and my kids so bad. Freddie was the only father they knew,which they knew who their father was,but never took care of them. Freddie use to be a 18 wheeler truck driver,in and out of different states. My kids and his kids got along so well and still do at this time. They calls me all the time. Then 2 yrs. later I lose Kris my son to a fatal car accident. I am still hurting,its been 2 yrs years with Kris and the pain and haeartache is still there. I say in Gods own time he will relieve this pain and heartache from me. But grieving is different with everyone,because I thought I was the only mother grieving 2yrs after my sons death until I started with this wonderful site. I call this site a blessing,because you get to speak and let everyone know how and what you are feeling and they understand. So just write anythime we are here for you. May God bless you and give you strength to carry on.

Permalink Reply by kristi on November 20, 2008 at 12:09pm

elaine,hi I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE SOMETHING WITH YOU THAT I GOT IN THE MAIL TODAY,FROM MY SONS SCHOOL THEY ARE DONATING A YEAR BOOK,AND THEY ARE DOING A MEMORIAL PAGE FOR HIM THEY SAID WE COULD WRITE THINGS FOR IT AND GIVE THEM PICTURES TO PUT IN THERE.ELAINE I CANT PUT MYSELF TO GO AND LOOK FOR PICTURES FOR THEM I WANT TO,I RESPECT WHAT THERE DOING BUT I CANT PUT MYSELF TO LOOKING IN THE TOTE BOX THAT ALL HIS CARDS AND BABY BOOK AND EVERYTHING ARE IN.I WISH I COULD.I HAVENT GOT TO LOOK AT THE CARDS YET AND THAT HAS BEEN 2 YEARS I WISH I COULD.MAYBE ONE DAY SOMEONE WILL HAVE TIME TO SIT DOWN WITH ME AND DOING THAT.HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO LOOK AT THE CARDS OR HAVE YOU YET?I THOUGHT I WOULD WRITE TO YOU BECAUSE I KNOW IT HAS BEEN THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME FOR ME AND YOU.TAKE CARE AND WRITE WHEN YOU CAN

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on November 20, 2008 at 12:44pm

Hi kristie,That is so thoughtful of the school to do such a nice and good thing for your son. It proves that your son was loved by many. The senior high school that my son attended was destroyed by hurricane Katrina. Maybe you can get two or three of his friends that you know to help you to pick out some photos of him. Maybe a close relaltive or someone that you can trust to help you. It may seems like it will bring back bad memories of him being gone,but I found out when I did decide to view Kris cards,books and video of the funeral,it brought me so much joy to see how many people besides the family that really loved and cared about Kris. Just listening to all the kind words, things that happened on the job,at school,Kris old friends,co-workers,Fire Chief family and friends. I read all his cards,viewed the video of the funeral and the repass after the funeral. I was glad I had this because I was so destroyed at the funeral that if it was not for the video I would not have remembered anything. So I know it will be hard,but think about all the kind and good words that was memtioned about him.This will really and truely put a smile on your face. I cried but it was tears of joy to know that so many people cared. Some even come back home just for Kris Funeral. That made me feel so good,even his class mates from the EMT class that he was attending in Marrietta Ga. was there. So I think you will be alright. Its Ok to cry if you have to,which I know you will. You are like me Kristie,they say that I am a cry baby. But for Kris funeral I held back my tears to support them. So its going to be OK. I will pray and ask God to give you the strength to do this. I am Here for you always kristie.

Permalink Reply by kristi on November 20, 2008 at 2:18pm

HI ELAINE THANK YOU FOR THAT,YES I DID GO THROU THE CARDS AND THAN I LOOKED AT THE BOOK WERE EVERYONE SIGNED IN AND I JUST STARTED HAVING TEARS DOWN MY FACE.MY EYES ARE NOT THAT HEAVY NOW.I THINK BECAUSE I AM HOLDING MY TEARS BACK THATS WHY MY EYES HURT.YES AT THE FUNERAL I DIDNT CRY TILL WE GOT TO THE CEMETARY AND WHEN WE CLOSED HIS CASKET THAT IS THE WORSE THING THAT I EVER EXSPIERENCED IN MY LIFE.I CANT DO THAT WHEN MY RELATIVES DIE MY MOM MAKES ME GO IN THE BACK ROOM WITH THE OTHER FAMILY,AND WHEN THEY TAKE THEM AND PUT THEM IN THE GROUND.YES I DIDNT CRY BECAUSE I CRIED FOR 37 HOURS STRAIGHT AND I COULDNT ANY MORE,I DIDNT LOOK AT PEOPLE BECAUSE I KNEW I WOULD START CRYING THAN.NO I DONT HAVE FAMILY AROUND HERE MY FAMILY IS MY KIDS AND MY HUSBAND THAT IS IT.THE REST LIVE IN ST.PAUL AND STUFF.BUT THEY CALL ALOT THEY GET WORRIED ABOUT ME AROUND THE HOLIDAYS.YEP I THINK THE WHOLE SCHOOL WAS THERE WHEN EVERETTE DIED HAD OVER 1000 PEOPLE THERE.THEY STOPPED COUNTING AFTER 600 BECAUSE THEY JUST KEPT COMING IN THAT IS WHAT A SMALL COMMUNITY IS ALL ABOUT I GUESS.EVERYBODY KNOWS EVERYBODY.THANKS FOR WRITEING I HOPE YOU KEEP IN TOUCH

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on November 20, 2008 at 5:21pm

Don't worry Kristie God will make a way for you. I am still praying for the both of us. I now walks the levee every morning now kristie. I never knew how peaceful a body of water could be. Kristie I walks the levee and pray every morning. Our site is one that I pray for everyday. Looking out to the deep waters asking God for what I need or want. My kids are grown now but I never stop praying for the 2 kids that I have left. Asking God to throw arround them his broard arm of protection and protect them from all hurt harm and danger. To lead them from one good degree to another. I pray for my grand kids asking God to continue on crowning their heads wih wisdom and knowledge and above all to give them a better understanding with home work,spiritual understanding,understanding their parents,teachers,friends and their surroundings. I just walks the levee looking out on the water asking God to open doors for me that no man can close and I have the faith and believe that he will do this for me. I just don't pray for myself and my family I pray for everyone. I don't know everyone needs but I ask God to bless each and everyone under the sound of my weak voice anyway that he see fit. Well Kristie I think I just finish praying. Maybe God had this in store for us. Kristie I will keep in touch. You keep in touch with me. If you get a little lonely write me I am here.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on November 27, 2008 at 1:08am

Hi Kristi,my mind is so much on you. How are things going with you. Well I have been crying all day. Seems like if I listen to gospel music,it was a song about crying,losing someone you love. Turn on the radio its a song that Kris use to like. But I think it was tears of Joy. I'm praying that it was. How did the year book come out? I know it brought back so many memories and tears. Kris two boys are here with me for Thanksgiving. Well you know that was tears. Kris youngest son looks just like him. Did you do the cooking. I cooked everything I thought Kris would enjoy. kristi You know something my heart was so full this morning,I felt like Kris should have been here with us. I am hoping it is just the holiday making me feel like this. I miss him so much. I looks at his picture and say boy you know you should be here with me. Than I kiss his picture. Right now I could use one of his bear hugs he use to give me with a kiss. I really miss that plus my fried turkey. Well Kristi I had to write and see how you were making it. I will still pray for us. Keep in touch.

Permalink Reply by kristi on November 27, 2008 at 3:18pm

HI ELAINE,I AM DOING GOOD SO FAR,I JUST HAD TO MAKE THE POTATOES,I GOT OFF WORK AND THATS ALL I HAD TO DO FOR TURKEY WAS DONE AND THE DRESSING.NO TEARS YET IT WILL HAPPEN I THINK I AM SO TIRED THAT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO TILL I REALLY SIT DOWN AND THINK ABOUT HIM I THINK THAT WILL COME AFTER I EAT MAKE A PLATE AND TAKE IT TO THE CEMETARY FOR HIM.I NEED TO GO BEFORE 500 THOU ARE TIME IT GETS DARK AT THAT TIME NOW.BUT YES I MISS MY SONS BEAR HUGS TO HE USE TO CRACK MY BACK AND IT FELT GOOD NOW NO ONE DOES IT.I AM DOING GOOD AND I AM GLAD YOU MADE ALL OF HIS STUFF HE LIKED FOR THANKSGIVING.WELL I AM GOING TO GO MASH MY POTATOES SO WE CAN EAT I WILL WRITE LATE BUT YOU CAN WRITE BACK IF YOU WOULD LIKE THANKS AND MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU TO OK.KEEP IN TOUCH TO

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