Death after Nursing Home

My husband Ted had a stroke in May 2003. We had all been working in the back yard when he collapsed. He was taken to the hospital and was expected to die. He rallied and was sent to a nursing home. He never returned home. He died on January 21, 2009 after 6 years in a the nursing home. I grieved in 2003 when life as we knew it died. I grieve again now at his passing. This past September 27th would have been our 35th wedding anniversay. It was a Sunday and I cried through the entire Mass. I tell myself that I should be getting over his death because, as the little voice in my head says, "he wasn't with you for 6 years - you should be used to being alone".
Can anyone relate to this?

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Permalink Reply by Margaret Clare Sanders on October 20, 2009 at 12:23pm

Dear Patricia
Although my husband's death was sudden, I can relate to what you are saying since I am a retired nurse and have witnessed many cases where the grieving is prolonged owing to the length of the loved one's illness.
Yes, you grieved for the loss of your former life together but it is true that 'while there is Life there is Hope'
So when your loved one finally passed away, your hope of his recovery died too and you entered a different kind of grief.
There is no statute of limitations on Grief. We all experience it in our own way. There is no time limit.. no time when it should be over or when there is that horrible word closure which is an insult to the memory.
I have also found that attending Mass was difficult without him by my side. I thought I would find only consolation in Church but that is not so.
However, having faith is still what keeps me going and I pray that you will also find that consolation
Blessings to you
Margaret

Permalink Reply by Clare Jaramillo on October 25, 2009 at 2:35am

Dear Patricia,
I know how you feel. My husband died not quite 2 years ago and when I attend mass, my tears are like automatic. I'm sure he's in heaven, but the loneliness is overwhelming! You and I have suffered a horrible loss and there is no set time for how long it takes for mourning. Take care of yourself and continue to go to church. It's the best place to turn.

Permalink Reply by Ann on October 26, 2009 at 2:34pm

Hi Patricia,
My husband died on January 21 but in 2008. I am so sorry for your loss. I can related....but it is ok "not to be getting over" this. I help lead a Griefshare group at a church in Round Rock. Everyone griefs different. Yes, you did a lot of griefing in 2003, but it is also ok to grief now. A lot of the ladies in the group had husbands that had long illiness and they would also be able to relate. I know how you feel about your life as you knew it being over...that has always been the hardest for me.....i still long for my other life. But we have to go one and one day you will smile again, i promise...call 255-3454 if you want more information about the grief group. Ann

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