Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Wendela on November 15, 2009 at 10:40am

Fran, I am so sorry for your loss! I am saying a prayer for you and your family right now. My heart goes out to you, and I do understand and share your pain. My husband died suddenly on September 2nd. David was only 54. He had flown to So. Cal. to be with his mother who had surgery. Her surgery was successful, but the next morning he woke up and died. It was probably a stroke or massive heart attack. His brother didn't find him until that night, when he didn't go to the hospital to visit their mom and he didn't answer the phone. After that day, I had another day of driving the 3 kids down there, and another day of trying to take care of arrangements - his desire was to donate his body to medical research, and that's not as simple as it sounds. You know you did the right thing by having your husband cremated, because that was his wish; you had the courage to do what he wanted, which is more important than the beliefs of some of the religious leaders. When the coroner gave me David's wedding ring, I put it right on my finger and I am still wearing next to mine. I never got to see him - everyone told me not to, that I should remember him as I last saw him in life, saying goodbye at the airport. I don't know if it would have been better to see him for a few moments, as you were able to do, or not, but there's no point in rethinking it now, I guess, because it's certainly too late for me to have done anything differently. I am so sorry for your daughters sadness, that their dad didn't get to see their babies. My children are not married, so the girls won't have their dad walk them down the aisle, and he'll never get to hold his grandbabies, either. I do believe he is with us in spirit, though, and that in some way he will share all those family joys, even though it is hard not to have him here physically. I miss him terribly every day, as I know you miss your husband. I guess all we can do for our children is to love them and mourn with them, and enjoy those grandbabies enough for two. God bless you, Fran, I am praying for you today.
Wendela

Permalink Reply by Anita Simmons on November 15, 2009 at 12:53pm

I am so so sorry. As with my fiance, one min. your talking to them and the next their tragically taken away. My fiance died of a plain crash in Texas on the 26th of Oct. Every fight, disagreement and negative thing does thru your head and you begin to apologizes for it all. Malcolm and I lived in a great community he was so much a part of so every where we go and everyone in this town knows him and me and there is no where to hide from him yet in church. I force myself out of bed yet the morning has already gone by and it's mid afternoon by the time I can get out. Are you eating normally again? How bout sleep? I too can't go into the store but I had to last night yet took my daughter with me. Always have someone with you. It helps but we have to move foreward. My Malcolm I know would want to me to be happy for one of the last messages he left was just that "I wanna keep you happy" It's hard cause he was my happiness. My whole life revolved around his. My whole life was his. We worked together, played together and traveled together. There was nothing we didn't do together. There was no man like him who made me feel like the most special woman in his life, desired, loved and cared for. I know you can't even fathom getting on with your day without him and I wish I had the secret but I don't. I have no job so it is hard to get him out of my mind. He's there 24/7 as I'm sure your husband is too. Church and God has been my streangth and my daughter and boyfriend who moved in with me til we are asked to leave the home, and my father and stepmother have been a huge support. Use your support team, don't be embarrassed about anything and continue your baby steps foreward. Olivia is fantastic to talk to on this site and I am here, always.

I will pray for you every time I pray. What was your husbands name?

My blessings and parayers
Anita

Permalink Reply by J on November 15, 2009 at 2:10pm

Fran-

My heart aches for you.....I lost my husband on 10/4/09 while he was running in an organized 1/2 marathon. I understand the 'there one minute and gone the next' feeling. I saw Brandon off at the start line, took pictures of him at mile 4 and was waiting for him to finish at 13.1. He collapsed and died at mile 13. I saw the ambulance and fire truck, but didn't know that they were treating him. It has been a long 6 weeks.

I think it's beautiful that you and your sisters performed the ceremony for your husband. I'm sure it was a beautiful tribute to the man you loved so much.

Thinking of you today and hoping you find peace.

Jennifer