Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Wendela on December 3, 2009 at 11:04am

Jennifer, I'm saying a prayer for you right now. I don't know what the possibilities are from the autopsy, but I can understand the possible emotions surrounding it. When my David died suddenly at age 54, there was an assumption that it was a heart attack, but it could have been a stroke or brain embolism or anything else that can cause sudden death. Because it was his desire to donate his body to medical science and research, they did not do an autopsy, because that would have made it impossible to make the donation. The coroner determined without an autopsy that it was not homicide or suicide or accident, and since he had a history of heart attacks they made an assumption, but I don't really know. Do I wish I could know for sure? Occasionally, but really it doesn't make any difference. He's gone just as surely and irretrievably, whatever the cause was, and no knowledge about the facts of his death can change the permanence and pain of his absence in my life. So, I hope and pray that whatever information you get from Brandon's autopsy gives you peace and helps you on your journey toward acceptance. Whatever they say, you will still be on your path of mourning and healing, and no coroner or autopsy report can change that. God bless you, Jennifer!
Wendela

Permalink Reply by J on December 3, 2009 at 11:42am

Thanks for your note Wendela.

I'm one that has to have all the facts and put all the pieces of the puzzle together before I can make peace with what happened. It doesn't change anything, but my mind can rest when it all makes sense.

Brandon was so young, and the circumstances of his death were such that the coroner had to conduct an autopsy. There was a 2nd runner (34 year old woman) who also died at the same race that day so there were some questions as to why 2 young, healthy people died during a running race.
I did call them and received a little more information, but there are MORE tests being done that should be available in 2 weeks. I'm happy that they're being thorough in their investigation and hoping that in 2 weeks we can have the final answer. Not the best news to receive during the holidays, but maybe the answer will be my gift this year.


Wendela said:

Jennifer, I'm saying a prayer for you right now. I don't know what the possibilities are from the autopsy, but I can understand the possible emotions surrounding it. When my David died suddenly at age 54, there was an assumption that it was a heart attack, but it could have been a stroke or brain embolism or anything else that can cause sudden death. Because it was his desire to donate his body to medical science and research, they did not do an autopsy, because that would have made it impossible to make the donation. The coroner determined without an autopsy that it was not homicide or suicide or accident, and since he had a history of heart attacks they made an assumption, but I don't really know. Do I wish I could know for sure? Occasionally, but really it doesn't make any difference. He's gone just as surely and irretrievably, whatever the cause was, and no knowledge about the facts of his death can change the permanence and pain of his absence in my life. So, I hope and pray that whatever information you get from Brandon's autopsy gives you peace and helps you on your journey toward acceptance. Whatever they say, you will still be on your path of mourning and healing, and no coroner or autopsy report can change that. God bless you, Jennifer!
Wendela

Permalink Reply by Marlena on December 3, 2009 at 12:36pm

First, Your picture is absolutely beautiful. It shows the connection between the two of you.

I am so sorry for all that you are going through. All of the not knowing and time passing must take an emotional toll. You sound very strong and resilient. I read your post about what you are thankful for and was awed at the grace you show.

I, too, am like you in the fact that I need all of the answers. Although I did not have to have an autopsy performed (my husband died unexpectedly during surgery in the hospital) I needed to have it done, for my own peace of mind. I have since gathered every last piece of Tom's life. I have the accident report, the autopsy report, and all of his medical records from the hospital. I feel better having all of the information possible about Tom's last moments. As hard as it is for some to understand, it is all a little piece of the healing process for me.

Wendela is correct in saying that our loved ones are gone and the permanence and pain of their absence is something we each must bear as we carry forward. With that permanence and pain are so many memories to hold us up. Keep remembering and believing in your love. That will carry you forward on this journey of grief.

I wish you peace and comfort in the days ahead.

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

Permalink Reply by J on December 3, 2009 at 8:24pm

Thanks Marlena. We had an exceptional photographer for our engagement/wedding (definitley the best $ we spent at the wedding!) That was one of our favorite pictures from the wedding. I have so many pictures (so happy we always took pictures!!) from our everyday life and the engagement/wedding that I love. I go through good and bad days looking at them though. I have a digital photo frame on my desk at work and a few weeks ago couldn't handle looking at ANY pictures of Brandon. That feeling has faded for now and I'm looking at them again with more happiness than sadness.

I laughed when I read what you wrote about me being strong, and resilient....Brandon said I was stubborn :) Too stubborn :):) It drove him CRAZY! My stubborness will probably pay off when it comes to getting answers though. Isn't there always a good and bad side to everything? :)

I process anything in my life with gathering information. I think it's hard-wired into my brain (I'm an auditor in my day job). So, putting together the pieces of the puzzle is good for me. I too, feel better having information. It is hard to read things or discuss Brandon's last moments with witnesses, but SO helpful in my healing.

I'm hoping that the information gathering will give me the full story and help me get to the peaceful place that Wendela talked about.



Marlena said:

First, Your picture is absolutely beautiful. It shows the connection between the two of you.

I am so sorry for all that you are going through. All of the not knowing and time passing must take an emotional toll. You sound very strong and resilient. I read your post about what you are thankful for and was awed at the grace you show.

I, too, am like you in the fact that I need all of the answers. Although I did not have to have an autopsy performed (my husband died unexpectedly during surgery in the hospital) I needed to have it done, for my own peace of mind. I have since gathered every last piece of Tom's life. I have the accident report, the autopsy report, and all of his medical records from the hospital. I feel better having all of the information possible about Tom's last moments. As hard as it is for some to understand, it is all a little piece of the healing process for me.

Wendela is correct in saying that our loved ones are gone and the permanence and pain of their absence is something we each must bear as we carry forward. With that permanence and pain are so many memories to hold us up. Keep remembering and believing in your love. That will carry you forward on this journey of grief.

I wish you peace and comfort in the days ahead.

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

Permalink Reply by Missmylove47 on December 4, 2009 at 12:56am

Hi Jeniffer,

Whatever is the results of the autopsy, you have to be strong and find out what caused your husband death. Probably his death was caused by something that you were no aware of it. I think it will bring you more peace mind. I am praying for you. Please be strong ...just hang in there ok.
Please keep in touch.
Olivia

Jennifer Whitehurst said:

Thanks Marlena. We had an exceptional photographer for our engagement/wedding (definitley the best $ we spent at the wedding!) That was one of our favorite pictures from the wedding. I have so many pictures (so happy we always took pictures!!) from our everyday life and the engagement/wedding that I love. I go through good and bad days looking at them though. I have a digital photo frame on my desk at work and a few weeks ago couldn't handle looking at ANY pictures of Brandon. That feeling has faded for now and I'm looking at them again with more happiness than sadness.

I laughed when I read what you wrote about me being strong, and resilient....Brandon said I was stubborn :) Too stubborn :):) It drove him CRAZY! My stubborness will probably pay off when it comes to getting answers though. Isn't there always a good and bad side to everything? :)

I process anything in my life with gathering information. I think it's hard-wired into my brain (I'm an auditor in my day job). So, putting together the pieces of the puzzle is good for me. I too, feel better having information. It is hard to read things or discuss Brandon's last moments with witnesses, but SO helpful in my healing.

I'm hoping that the information gathering will give me the full story and help me get to the peaceful place that Wendela talked about.



Marlena said:

First, Your picture is absolutely beautiful. It shows the connection between the two of you.

I am so sorry for all that you are going through. All of the not knowing and time passing must take an emotional toll. You sound very strong and resilient. I read your post about what you are thankful for and was awed at the grace you show.

I, too, am like you in the fact that I need all of the answers. Although I did not have to have an autopsy performed (my husband died unexpectedly during surgery in the hospital) I needed to have it done, for my own peace of mind. I have since gathered every last piece of Tom's life. I have the accident report, the autopsy report, and all of his medical records from the hospital. I feel better having all of the information possible about Tom's last moments. As hard as it is for some to understand, it is all a little piece of the healing process for me.

Wendela is correct in saying that our loved ones are gone and the permanence and pain of their absence is something we each must bear as we carry forward. With that permanence and pain are so many memories to hold us up. Keep remembering and believing in your love. That will carry you forward on this journey of grief.

I wish you peace and comfort in the days ahead.

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

Permalink Reply by Wendela on December 6, 2009 at 11:10pm

Jennifer, I'm glad the coroner is being so thorough, and that you will be able to have some answers. What a shock when someone dies so young, and so unexpectedly. I agree with Marlena, by the way, your wedding photo is beautiful! I am at the stage where I love to look at photos of my David, just stare and get lost in his eyes, remembering his smile and hearing his laughter. And I get comfort from wearing his wedding ring next to mine. I wish you comfort and peace for the holidays, and answers to help put the pieces together at last.
God bless you, and God bless all of us as we make it through the holidays.
Wendela

Permalink Reply by Renona Guyton on December 7, 2009 at 2:57am

Hi Jennifer; my husband Tony died suddenly on February 14th of this year and I had no clue as to why. I stayed on the coroner's office as they just kept saying it was natural causes. But the night before we were dancing and getting ready to enjoy our anniversary weekend. I just kept asking myself how could he just fell asleep next to me and never wake up again. I was extremely upset because they weren't not really keeping in contact with me or giving me any clue as to what happen to my sweet loving husband. Two months went by and they finally gave me an answer; although the truth is hard to swallow it allowed me to close one chapter of this hard book called grief.

God Bless you Jennifer and I will pray for you.

Renona