Hope everyone is doing ok. Today was a very bad day for me. Well, every day is a struggle just to get off bed and take care of things. But today I was very emotional after received by mail a certificate from the President of USA, in honor of my husband John who was an honorable Veteran from Army, he just passed away on October 26, 2009. I looked at so pround of him, also at his funeral I received a American flag in his honor, which I keep with love, care and pround to be his widow. I was feeling very weak today, too much stress and sadness :(
I went to my bedroom then I was looking around, at my husband belongs, everything still the way he left. His shoes, socks, pants and shirts. His mask to sleep with due to sleep apnea, still in the night stand attached to the machine(I used to place the mask myself) I opened the drawer looked at his clothes. Suddenly, I got one of his shirts and hugged smelled it, while laying in my bed and cried so much for about 20 minutes or more without stop it. I couldn't stop crying. I was missing my husband so much, I just wanted his hug, his touch and to tell me that everything would be okay.My daughter got very concerned(she doesn't like seeing me crying) she thinks I can get sick for that.
Oh God I felt so lonely, so insecure without my honey. I feel such a empty hole in my heart, I don't see myself as widow yet, I still think and acting as a married woman. Sometimes I catch myself thinking like my husband still alive, then I have to remember myself that he is gone....and I am alone with my only daughter and my four little poodles, and God.
Why two people who love each other so much have to be apart, forever? Sometimes I ask God to bring my husband back to me, but healthy, or back on time and meet him all over again. Sounds crazy right I know. I am asking for the impossible :(
Maybe someone similar to him? The truth is we don't know....to God everything is possible. I take day by day, minute by minute, and have faith. Is amazing how my daughter who is just 24 years old (looks much younger) is giving me so much strength. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful daughter. I am so thankful to God to have her, may God bless her always. She is my angel :) I probably would be sick without her from broken heart :(
Also my I am very attached to one of our poodles. Her name is "Baby Jade" I love her like my baby. She is very closed to me as well. When I feel bad I hold her, she is a sweet beautiful white little thing. Enclosed below is her pictures. Thanks for all who replied to my comments, I don't feel too well today, I having a bad headache, but later today I will reply back ok.
To all who feel the same way I do, you are not alone we are all grieving together and praying together to one another. Please just hang in there like I do, and have faith. The sun will bright again to us. Hopefuly soon!
Love & peace to all.