My Wife of 12 years died this past Monday

It has been the worst week of my entire life. I have lost my wife of 12 years unexpectedly. She was fine Saturday and had gone out with her girlfriend to a movie. Sunday she woke up with some pain she thought was bad gas. It progressed to the point we went to the ER about 7pm and it was found she had an obstructed bowel.

Our surgeon took her to surgery Monday morning and reported back to me that she had a piece of bowel that had been squeezed off and died of about 4 inches. It had also leaked some fluid into the abdominal cavity.

She developed Septic Shock and was eventually taken to the ICU and ended up dieing there by 8:15.

There was no warning about this problem and no time to adjust that afternoon after they took her to the ICU. I sat with the chaplain as they worked on her but there was nothing they could really do.

I have spent my week crying and begging God to take care of my Angel and to make her pain free. Asking for strength to do whatever I am going to have to do.

I feel so numb tonight but the day started out with me crying as I prayed again. I just have no idea how I will survive from day to day. My depression is so dark.

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Permalink Reply by BoLynn on January 9, 2010 at 12:36am

I'm so sorry, Charlie. All of us here has lost a dear one, so we know what you are feeling. Most of us are still in shock and numb. Cry, scream, punch the pillows if you have to. Nothing we can say can make you feel better. We can just be here for you when you need us.

Linda B.

Permalink Reply by Ann on January 9, 2010 at 11:39am

Whether a beloved spouse has been gone just hours, months, or years, the painful longing is still there and it doesn't take much to start the tears flowing again. I've been a widow almost 10 months after 51+ years of a blessed, wonderful marriage. My husband left so suddenly, was in perfect health, so his Dr. and I thought. He just fell over one day working outside. I keep reminding myself that it was God's timing, but it doesn't keep the pain away. I'm thankful he's in Heaven and have the hope of joining him there but the days get long and sometimes very painful. I keep all of you in prayer, especially you, Charlie. This is also so sudden for you.

Permalink Reply by LORI E RIGGIO on January 9, 2010 at 8:10pm

Charlie, I am so very very sorry for your loss. What I know is that when you lose the love of your life, each day will be so different for you from now on. Your loss is still so very new, you need to grieve, ask for help, cry, scream whatever it takes.
It is unbelievable that one day she was fine and the next day she was gone. I lost the love of my life, married 27yrs, 10/17/2008, he went to work and fell to his death. I have my belief in God, but I do admit I have been asking him why. Do you have children, family to help you?
The question about surviving, you will, it will never be the same. It will be so different, your love for your wife will help you survive. Just remember all of us on this site know what you are feeling and we are here for you. God Bless you, and may he wrap his arms around you with his Love.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on January 10, 2010 at 12:15am

Charlie,

I am so sorry for the loss of your love. There are no words in the English language that can be used to describe the devastation of such a sudden loss. The one important thing to remember is to let yourself feel what you feel when you feel it. Take things one moment at a time, one breath at a time. We are all here to support you along this journey that none of us chose to be on...it was chosen for us. Hang on tight to all the memories the two of you have made together, they will carry you through.

You are in my thoughts,

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

Permalink Reply by marilyn on January 13, 2010 at 7:30pm

i feel for you , i experienced my loss with my boy friend of 10 yrs he was talking to me then started to snore in which i thought he fell asleep, well it was him taking his last breath he suffered an anuerisim. it was 5 months ago and i still cry everyday. all you can do is cry if you have to, it will be ok i. its hard trust me i cant go by a minute with out him on my mind, if you need to chat and talk about it ill be here prpeanut7@aol.com

Permalink Reply by shirley on January 17, 2010 at 12:15pm

I'm so sory i lost mt husband ten yrs ago and it seems as if was today i still see he's smile looking down on me i beleive he's my guardian angel,listen to the song address in the stars by caitlin and will and listen real good .the pain eases but never gose away trust me i've tried hard to move on.

Permalink Reply by Patti Kwiatkowski on January 18, 2010 at 7:51pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband last year to cancer. And sometimes its one minute at a time. It was fast but not as suddon as yours.. It is hard I know. I feel your pain

Permalink Reply by Ricardo on January 25, 2010 at 6:43pm

Hi Charlie,

I extend my deepest sympathies. I too lost my wife of 12 1/2 years on January 16th from Liver Failure. I have no words to express here as I am completely and utterly filled with pain but we have a 9 month that I must now be both father & mother too. I am blessed to have a strong family and friends support group that is helping us get through this. Wish I could post more but like you it is so fresh that I can still smell her everywhere I am. She was my soul mate, best friend and love of my life.

Please feel free to contact me directly so we can speak if you need and ear because God knows I certainly do.

Love & Health...God Bless You

Permalink Reply by Charles on January 25, 2010 at 7:09pm

Ricardo,
God be with you.Like the rest of us here,,when you lose that soul mate, best friend and love of your life the pain and grief is almost unbearable.AS they say,, Its one minute at a time.Its been four months for me and its get more difficult each day.You are in shock right now.The only advice I can give is do nothing right now.Wait before you make any decisions about clothes, or give things away.My wifes mother wanted her jewelry almost at once.I said no.You can go buy jewelry if you want some.I still have the jewelry.As you will read here you have a long painfull journey ahead.People here understand your journey.

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on January 25, 2010 at 8:24pm

Charles is right. My heart aches with every post I read. I KNOW what you are saying. I KNOW what you are feeling. We are all on this painful, lonely journey together. May God give us strength to carry on.

Permalink Reply by jeanette williams on February 16, 2010 at 12:15pm

CHARLIE JUST CONTINUE TO PRAY. AT THIS TIME THATS ALL WE HAVE IS GOD TO COMFORT US. I DO KNOW HOW U FEEL BECAUSE I LOST A SON AND HUSBAND IN 2009. I WILL BE PRAYING FOR U AND YOUR FAMILY.

Permalink Reply by Glenda F. Camp on February 16, 2010 at 1:53pm

Charlie, I am so sorry for your great loss. The suddenness of it most be unbearable. I lost my soul mate Nov. 10,2009. He had been ill with aplastic anemia. Whether sudden or prolonged, the loss of a spouse can be devastating. Please know that there are many of us who are making this unplanned, unwanted journey through the grief process. You are not alone. They tell me that one day our pain will evolve into sweet memories. I'm still waiting. My prayers are with you.