Anita, I'm sure you're having a very hard time with closure in this situation. Is there maybe just one person in the family who would be sympathetic to your desire and could talk to the "controlling person" for you???
anita sorry for your loss i too lost my spouse in sept of this year i had at least the time to say good by...but because his daughters didnt like me or i should say after he died there true colors came out i still dont know where his ashes are and every day it seems in some way im waiting for him to come home.
As you are writing this, I am walking, talking to my Malcolm about everything I cam think of including his ashes. You are right though. I still wait to hear from him or see him walk in the door. Honey, It's not going to happen no matter how bad we want it. I wish it were true. I beg God everyday to let me see him, hold him, talk to him etc. just one more time. I don't even dream about him. I have had one dream of him and I couldn't even tell you what it was about cause I don't remember. I am trying so hard to hold on to the fact that I was the last person he spoke to before the plane took off and that I even got to talk to him al weekend. He missed me so much and loved me so much for he expressed it several times over the weekend. I try try try to hold onto that. He died loved, appreciated, desired, missed and respected for he never had that before. He died happy.
I still want some of his ashes but I don't think it will happen. That family is being good to me but I think they are going through their own guilt and pain that they can't give them up. They haven't even spread his ashes.
I don't know what to say to you except, they family does not matter in any way. What matters is what you two had and still have together. Hold onto that and always remember the love you two shared. Anyone outside of that was just jealous. That's how I hold on. Hold tight, be strong and remember who your husband fell in love with.
pearl said:anita sorry for your loss i too lost my spouse in sept of this year i had at least the time to say good by...but because his daughters didnt like me or i should say after he died there true colors came out i still dont know where his ashes are and every day it seems in some way im waiting for him to come home.
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my husband July 13, 2009. Although I was there when he passed away. I chicken'd out of going to the (private) family viewing. I kicked myself over and over for a couple months about not going, because I too had that same feeling that you're speeking of. But eventually that feeling has faded. If your fiance's family is Catholic, then it's against their religious beliefs to separate the ashes. I told my inlaw that I would give each of them some of my husbands ashes, but I couldn't not get the urn open. After doing some research I found out the it is sealed closed. So what I ended up doing in stead was this:
When my husband was younger, he had a long pony tail.
But eventually, he got a job that requierd him to cut it off. He really hated having to cut it off, so he ended up keeping his pony tail, and used to hang it on the wall. (Every once in a while he would even take it down and comb it too, LOL)
But anyways, I ended up giving a little bit of his pony tail to each of his siblings in stead of ashes. I don't know if doing something like that would be possible in your sercumstance, but that's just an idea I thought I'd throw out there for you.