Marlena, You survived the "firsts". Good for you! I know every "first" was tough. On the 26th will be Bo's 62 birthday, the 30th will make 7 months since he went home, and April 18th will be our 29th wedding anniversary. August 30th will make one year without my love. So you see, I have many "firsts" to make it through. I pray for strength everyday.
Yesterday I was mulling this over, and got to thinking that as hard as getting through that first year is, there will be tons of firsts the rest of our lives especially if there had been plans in place of doing things together.
Mark had been planning to show me the pine grove where he wants his ashes spread. When we go to do that, it will be the first time for me to be there. His brother isn't really sure exactly where he had in mind. He planned to take me on the cog railway up Mt. Washington, but when my grand daughter and I go the end of April, it will have been the first time for me as well. I suppose every thing we planned to do with them for the rest of our lives, and hadn't been able to, will be the first time doing it -- with them only in spirit. For some reason I feel I need to follow through with doing the things he wanted to do -- up to a point. He always wanted to go bungee jumping, and be an ice road trucker, but much as I loved him there is only so much I'm willing to do for him!
I went to the website that you have created for Tom. It is beautiful. Of course I cried all the way through. We all thought that we would grow old and crabby together, but it was not to be. You have survived the first set of "firsts" but I wonder if the "seconds" will be any easier. I know you are looking forward to your first grandchild...make it a wonderful day. I am so glad Larry was here to see our youngest grandson. He was Kylers first visitor. He was such a proud grandpa. He told me that Kyler was the most beautiful baby he had ever seen. I am just sad that Kyler will never know his Grandpa.
I know it has been a long hard year for you and your family. I just want to say that Tom would be awfully proud of all that you have accomplished...4.0 grade average...way to go.
Take care Yvonne
Congratulations on surviving! It sounds horrible to say but you have made it! My husband died Jan 19th,2009 at the age of 27...6 days short of my 28th birthday. I have had to go through big firsts all at once... not to mention having 2 kids age 3 and 2 now....2nds are not as rough... they still hurt...but with each day, it gets a little easier bc you know it didnt kill you the first time... somedays are harder than others but i have relented to the thought that unfortunately, i will always be a work in process. and i will never be "normal" again as a huge part of me died that morning. I remember asking my grandmother a week after my Shawn died.. when does it hurt to stop breathing? she is a widow of 12 years now... and she said never... she was so right... life goes on but it will never stop hurting to breathe without them. each day will get easier but there will always be something so small that can bring you to tears... all my love and blessings in the days ahead of you.
I am just starting my "firsts", as I just lost my beloved husband Dennis Paul on 1-14-10.
I have just had my first birthday without him, and my first Valentine's Day, which was our Wedding Anniversary without him as well.
Right now I am not sure how I will ever make it.