I have a question for all of you

Actually it is a problem I have, and I am very confused. I need some opinions. My problem is that my husband died from pancriatic cancer on Dec. 10th, 2009. and I am living in the 2 bedroom apartment we lived for 12 years. We used to live in a house when the children were growing up, and going to school. When they graduated from college, and one by one started to leave the house, my dear husband and I decided to sell the house and move to this apartment. We were very happy here, happier than we ever were before, because we had a lot less responsabilities, and we had more time for ourselves. We were doing things we never did before, because we had more time, and less responsabilities. So I love this apartment, it is very centrally located, we have the buses going to the city in front of our door, we have everything walking distance, convinience store, dry cleaner, taown hall, police department, doctors, boutiques, supermarket, resonable restaurants. But it is very sad for me to see my husband everywhere in this apartment. I try to be busy during the day, I go out for walks around a beautiful huge lake we have close by, I try to be with people, but when I come back to the apartment I have to face reality, he is not here, and I feel empty, cold, and all the time I am inside doors what I do is cry, I look at his pictures in the computer, and cry. I have now a constant head-ache. I slept in our bed at the begining but I couldn't take it anymore, and I am sleeping in the living room on the sofa. Some of my friends advice me to move. One of my friends who moved to my building a few month ago is 70 years old, she never got married, she lived all her life with her mother, and her mother passed away. She tells me that she never went back to the place she used to live with her mother, because she knew that she wouldn't be able to be there without her mother. She cries all the time for her mother, but she tells me that not going back to that place after the mother passed helped her a lot. My question is: If anyone here who have lost the husband is finding out that it is too difficult to live in the same place where used to live with the husband. How do all of you widows feel about it? At the beginning I thought that probably after a while I would get used to be alone in this place, but I notice that the more time passes by, the more I miss him. It is not getting better, and on week-ends I just want to die. It is very difficult for me to see all the time all those people who used to see him with me. I don't know, it is very difficult to explain exactly the feeling. Please, give your opinions. Thank you.

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Permalink Reply by Lori Chamberlain on April 24, 2010 at 8:22pm

when my husband passed 2 years ago we were just going into settlement, selling our large house after our children had grown. We were moving into an apartment. He never made the move due to his death. Later, I bought a ranch home...i find the apartment and my current home are very "cold" because he has never been here. There are no memories we made here. I wish I still lived in the house we raised our children where the was a warmth and I knew the neighbors. My opinion is....life is lonely without our loved one....living alone is hard enough. But to live in a home where he never lived and you have no memories is harder in my opinion. God Bless.

Permalink Reply by gerrid on April 25, 2010 at 11:47am

Carina,

My husband of 32 years passed in Oct.2009. We lived in our house since the day we got married. I feel very close to him when I'm in my house. No, it isn't the same, but for me, I feel him all around me when I'm here. He used to tinker in the garage most of his free time and when I sit on my deck, I look at the closed garage door and picture him out there doing his thing. I have changed some things inside, like paint and curtains, but kept everything else the same. For now I feel I want to be here and I hope for you that you find peace and comfort in your apartment.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on April 25, 2010 at 3:51pm

The only thing I can add is this. Just go with the flow(I know its hard).Whatever you do or dont do is up to you. As you go on, you will keep changing until you kind of get it the way it suits for now. It will keep changing on you. Nothing though, will be the same.

Permalink Reply by Anita Simmons on April 25, 2010 at 4:51pm

Carina, My fiance passed Oct 26, 2009 from a plane crash in Texas. We lived together in a beautiful home here in Florida that he always felt was the only place he could call home. Sadly, I will be losing our home and I wish I wasn't. I understand the issue with seeing him all over the house for I do the same. Grief is something that just doesn't go away cause you moved from the home you two lived in. It will follow you. I believe that your husband would want you to stay. You love it there and it has so much for you there that I believe it would actually be harder to move and walk away from the memories that may be painful now but as the grief begins to subside more you would be happy that you stayed. I would do anything in the world to stay here where all mine and Malcolm memories are. They are hurtful right now but I know they would be comforting at times. I'm so sorry you lost him. I am discovering that the grief doesn't stop or go away just because you packed his clothes up, moved, changed your lifestyle. The advise I get when it comes to big life decisions is don't make any in the first year of grief and second, put it in Gods hands and ask him to make that decision for you.
My prayers are with you