In two weeks I will be going back up north to open our fishing lodge for the season. I am really looking forward to getting back up there, the peace, tranquility and beauty can't be beat. I am looking forward to seeing our guests again,they are all repeat customers, and come back year after year. They all know that Larry passed away at the lodge and have been wonderful to me. I know I can run the lodge alone, I did it last season. Larry's mother broke her hip 1 week after we opened and he came home to be with her. He was here for 91/2 weeks, so during the busiest time I ran it with the help of 2 staff. He came back to the lodge 9 days before he passed away. I feel so cheated to not have had him with me for the last 2 months of his life, but I have come to terms with it. So what am I afraid of? I'm not sure. I'm afraid that I won't be able to make it all work...why I don't know. I know I am afraid of not having his support. I know that I am afraid of being very lonely every night. I was very lonely every evening last season, but we would talk on the phone for hours every evening. I guess I am afraid that even though I am surrounded by people, I will still be alone. Everyone is trying to make it easier for me to go up. Our youngest son is coming up with me like he does every season to help open up. He usually is able to spend 2 or 3 days helping set up all the tech stuff and get the water going. My Dad is coming up with us too, and has everything planned and scheduled. Our middle son is coming for a week to help set up and get the boats and motors ready. My brothers and nephews are coming on the long weekend to put new shingles on the lodge roof and the lions are coming then as well to build a new deck. I have a wonderful couple hired for the season and I think they will work out just fine. But after all is said and done, I know after a couple of weeks everyone has to get back to their normal lives, just like after the funeral. I know when I am there I will be so busy that I will not have time to even think. I guess I am also afraid that I will have to make all the decisions sounding board. I know I can do it, and that I must. Our philosophy at the lodge is that the guests always come first if it is not detrimental to the lodge. Another philosophy is smile but be firm, or they will walk all over you. So I guess what I am trying to tell myself is : get going, suck it up, and you know you can do it. Thanks for listening, I don't know where else I can get this all off my chest.
Take care Yvonne

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Yvonne I know this will be hard. I too know there are things I can do myself but having Barry there to talk things over and just listen was the best. I have two children 16 and 6 I know I have to make decisions but it is hard . I pray for you that you will make the right decisions. When I have to make decisions I say what would Barry want me to do and I go with that. Just ask what would Larry want me to do , pray about it and then do what you think is best. I know how you feel when you say you alone with people around you. Know matter how many people are around you still miss that part of you that is missing. People offer to do things but it is not the same. I pray you find peace when you go and just remember you will always have your memories in your heart. God bless
Dear Yvonne,
That is one of the FIRSTS that I wrote about earlier. You WILL do it because you know Larry would want you to do it and trusts you to do it. You are lucky to have that lodge to keep you occupied. Don't worry about when your family leaves to go back. You said you have wonderful repeat customers. They will hold you up and they won't even know it.
It sounds like a wonderful, relaxing place to visit. I wish you all the best and will keep you in my prayers that God will give you the strength to see it through. I don't want to put a damper on it but you will face another first when you close the lodge for the season and return home again, By then, you should be better adapted to the situation although it will NEVER be good, just more tolerable. Keep us posted and let us know how it is going. God Bless You.
Thank you Lois, Peg and Kim for your kind words of encouragement. Peg I have already faced the first of closing the lodge for the season. I did it 5 weeks after Larry passed away. He passed away at the lodge August 9, 2009. I have a few firsts left though. Opening the lodge without him, fathers day, our anniversary June 19 and the anniversary of his death. I know I will make it with all your support. I will shed a few tears, but I will make it. Once again thank you for listening.
Take care Yvonne


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