The love of my life died the day before yours, on the 22nd. It also was sudden and unexpected. Perhaps the difference is that we often talked about the time when one of us would be left behind, as he was only 46 but I am 70. Our talks were always in relation to my leaving first, even though I often told him that if he didn't change his eating/smoking habits he would leave me behind. Because we had these talks, I feel that good-byes were not necessary. There was nothing I could say to him at the moment he lost consciousness on our bed that I hadn't already said many times, and nothing he could have said to make it better. The only way a final talk would have helped is if there was something between us that necessitated an apologize, but we made sure there was never any issue left unsettled.
You probably don't mean it this way, but when you say "he left me" it almost makes it sound like he had a choice. Do you blame him for leaving? I can understand that, because in a way I blame Mark for making poor choices that led to his early death. I suppose this is why I accepted it almost the moment it happened, because I always saw it as inevitable. The only question that needed to be answered was when, and that was decided on December 22, 2010. So in that way I never went through the stage of denial; how can one deny such an obvious fact? What is, is. The only question now is, What am I going to do about the rest of my life?
I am so sorry for your loss, I know what you are going through, but my husband went to heaven on August 5, 2009, its coming up on 9 months, and it isn't any easier. His death was very sudden, one minute he was walking out the door to go to the store, and 35 seconds later he had passed away. Yes, I feel he left me, and our children but he had no say in the matter and he always told me he never wanted to leave me. We had many good times, and I have hundreds of good memories, but it does hurt to think of them because we had many more dreams to live and so many more things to do together. No matter what the circumstances I don't think anyone is ever prepared. I know I wasn't. I still cannot believe it has happened and that I will be alone the rest of my life without him. He was only 53 and full of life. I keep asking why??? But, no one has the answers except that his job that God had given him was done here. It doesn't make it any easier to accept. The only thing that gets me through this life is the fact that I know one day we will be together once again. I look forward to the day when he takes my hand and leads me into heaven. I am praying for you that you get through this. It's okay to cry, I do every day also. It's natural and you have to let it out.
I am so sorry for you loss. I relate to your story my husband past Feb 2010 together for 40 years. Just continue to have flash backs of the night he left. He was in the Va hospital and truly was talking to me pretty normal and then they could not get his oxygen up and took him to ICU and I never was able to talk to him again. I saw tears in his eyes it was to awful. I know in my heart he had know Idea it was going to happen. It kills me. I don't want to touch any of his things or even get rid of anything that means to me I am getting rid of him. I know your indescrible pain. It is paralizing. I read one ladies story saying she no longer wants to die just so she can be with her husband. I could relate to this and said oh my gosh so many things in common with grief. Said you don't forget but the pain is not as bad. But you have to allow grieving in your time and however you feel you can move on. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Sandy
I am so sorry to hear of the recent loss of your husband. No matter how we lose a loved one, we’re never going to be ready to deal with it or maybe even fully accept it. The Bible, in Ecclesiastes 3: 11 says referring to God: “Everything he has made pretty in its time. Even time indefinite he has put in their heart.” Yes, we were created to live forever and that’s why we cannot get used to death. Our hearts yearn to continue living and we’re never prepared to die.
Due to reasons that are also found and discussed in the Bible we now suffer, get ill, and die; however, very soon that will all be a thing of the past. Revelations 21: 4 holds the following promise: “And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.” You can be sure that the day is near in which you will no longer have to suffer due to the loss of your husband, but that’s not all that the Bible promises. John 5: 21, 28, 29 registers Jesus’ promise while he was here on earth: “For just as the Father raises the dead up and makes them alive, so the Son also makes those alive whom he wants to. Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out.” Your husband will be amongst those who hear Jesus’ voice and come back to life. You will soon be able to be with him again without any of today’s suffering.
I truly wish you may find some comfort in these words and scriptures.