Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on May 11, 2010 at 9:17pm

7 long, lonely months. Doing better but not much. I can go for weeks without tears, but then I'm back to day one. Crying my eyes out and missing my Bo till I think I'll die. It helps to look at pictures of him when he was so ill. I know he went home to end his suffering and pain. I know he is in a better place and is preparing a place for me.............BUT.......It still hurts so much to be without him.

Permalink Reply by Chris B on May 11, 2010 at 11:10pm

Today is 16 weeks. Today was rough, but overall things are better than they were two months ago. Sometimes I worry about how well it feels like I'm doing... I'm still not sure if I'm really coping or if I'm just ignoring it to avoid the pain and it's going to come back and bite me later.

I'm still looking for a therapist to talk to, but since I'm working full time it's hard to find one who has availability in the late afternoon or evening so I don't have to take time off work to go. ::sigh::

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on May 12, 2010 at 6:26am

Tom,Good for you!It will be 8 months tomorrow for me.It doesn't seem possible!I still miss him of course but the unbearable pain has subsided.When I talk about him I CAN smile now.I managed to go through his clothes yesterday without any major uproar."baby steps"!!!The tears are flowing a little less.Good Luck.

Permalink Reply by Tom on May 12, 2010 at 8:03pm

I slipped today !
After having a dream about going to a bar and having a few drinks ( There's no such thing with me just having a few drinks ) and meeting new people, I had to have some ice cream. It's the only thing that will keep me from drinking again.
I'd like to go out and do things again, but not alone. All I think about is I wish Loni was with me. This is a hurdle I'm going to have a tough time with.
If I could handle drinking, and I can't, I would have no problem meeting people.
Not that these are the kind of people I would want to be meeting anyway.
Loni cured me from drinking and I will not start again. But what to do about going out with someone and enjoying life ? I haven't got a clue, and I'm not even sure I'm ready. I'm just sick and tired of being home all the time.

Permalink Reply by Tom on May 18, 2010 at 6:35am

Another day, what would have been our 7th anniversary , has come and gone just like anyother day. Nothing to report about it. Spent the day with all the kitties.
Snicker Dootles, the one that talks your ear off is not talking to me after spraying her with flea spray. The rest of them are in hiding. Normal day !
They love me except when I get the spray bottle out. Can't blame them.
I had to change the type of flea spray, because the type I was using burns when applied. I found a type called Cidercide that's natural cider oil, and it used my and for the military also. Good stuff, but expensive. And it does the job and the kitties don't mind it as bad. It's just has a strong cider smell, and it kills the fleas on contact, and the eggs from hatching.
I thought of Loni all day and loved doing it. It did not make me sad.

Permalink Reply by Leanne on May 18, 2010 at 7:38am

I'm 5 months in and only just thought tonight that I am really not doing any better. For a few weeks I was working a lot when people were sick, and there just seemed to be something on every day. I was non stop. Then it eased, I took a breath and felt like he died all over again. I'm not ready to move back into life yet.

Permalink Reply by Lorraine Davies on May 18, 2010 at 9:33am

Hi Leanne, I"m also five months in and have found myself right back where I started this week.
Will the pain of losing my wonderful husband ever ease. Also feeling sad for the loss of what would have been. Married fro 35 years and losing my husband just when we were to retire is killing me . What now for the future. I never thought I could miss anyone so much.

Permalink Reply by b mohlere on May 18, 2010 at 8:00pm

At seven months I know one thing -- each day is its own emotional event. The roller coaster ride is so unpredictable. Sometimes I can go several days without crying but then I wake up and the tears flow for hours/days. I know that after 40+ years of being married I should not expect this to be anything other than difficult. I know that he would want me to continue with a productive life. It isn't easy nor is it what I want. I have to allow myself some time to "feel sorry" for myself but I also need to try to put one foot in front of the other and lead a life that reflects the value that he placed on living living to its fullest. I am not able at this stage to live with joy and anticipation but I will spend the rest of my life trying to be the person that he always made me feel that I was.

Permalink Reply by Tom on May 18, 2010 at 9:33pm

When I found my Loni she was as we are all here and now.
Still grieving after three years of being a widow.
Many nights after my work for her, were spent sitting at the kitchem table just talking. We were both attracted to each other and loved talking with each other.
I listened to her stories about her life of thirty years with her husband and their adventures in life, and it was wonderful. Loni was able to fall in love again, with me, because her past was a part of what I loved about her, and the future was to include that. Being alone in life is a very hard thing to do, as I am again.
But in the scheme of things, the time I have left here is only a blink of the eye.
To have met and married Loni was my greatest achivement in my life and it has fulfilled my life. Loni was happy again, for the remainder of her life.
That makes me the happiest man alive. I miss you Loni, and I love you !

Permalink Reply by bc on May 19, 2010 at 7:52am

It's been 9 months for me and I still get the terrible "meltdowns". Just little things will trigger it for me. I find that if I try to do too much in one day I get overwhelmed and then its breakdown time. It's not fair, Brad should be here with me doing the things we enjoyed doing together. It was all too sudden, one minute walking out the door to go to the store, a minute later he was gone. I wish I had that moment back just to give him an extra hug & kiss. There are days when I can talk about him and smile, but other days the mention of his name drives me to tears for hours. I'm sick of this feeling, but I don't have a choice. I don't feel I have a right to even be happy. This site is great because you all understand. God Bless you all!

Permalink Reply by Pamela Thomas on May 24, 2010 at 5:46pm

Tom, I'm doing better. My husband passed 2/7/09. When I look back at that day up until now. I've come a long way. As each day passes, reality sets in. It's still hard. I have my good days and bad days. But, I'm doing better.