Its been 13 months 8 days since my wife died. She never regained consciousness for 6 hours after her heart attack during a nap. After all this time, I still wake up at the exact time we left the hospital to go home after she was pronounced. Hugs to you. I died when she died and have that flashback of hearing her die and seeing her dead.
I read your post Randolgh and I just realized I never saw my Loni dead.
I couldn.t take it to be with her at the very last moment. I saw her dying and had the oxygen removed from her nose, and then I couldn't stand to be there anylonger. It was bad watching Loni blowing brown stuff out her nose and coughing it out her mouth and choking on it. The nurse couldn't keep up with it cleaning Loni up, and I knew she was finally dying. I had to go.
I don't feel guilty for leaving, I've seen enough of dying.
I go back to my memory of Loni being awake for her last time and when she bit my finger to let me know she loved me. That's the memory I will always remember, and will live with.