Is it normal to have no energy?

Since my husband died after 30 years of marriage at only 53. It takes all my strength most days just to do simple chores and take care of the animals. I still cry everyday at least 5 times and that's when I'm trying to keep my mind off of him. I know it's only been about 3 weeks but it seems like this is how it will be forever because he was my whole life.

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Permalink Reply by Cindy McGregor on May 24, 2010 at 5:23pm

Dear Victoria,My prayers are with you.I know what you mean about no energy. I think it is because it is the way for your body to take the loss of your husband.I understand the crying part. I dont know what I would do if I could not cry.Sometimes I think I even howl for the pain and misery.I am here if you ever need to write to. I lost my husband in Jan.I share your pain and I will pray for you daily for the strength from God.Your new friend from Indiana Cindy.

Permalink Reply by Pamela Thomas on May 24, 2010 at 5:33pm

I'm sorry for your loss. My husband passed away 2/7/09. It's only been 3 weeks for you. You will get your energy back. Just give it sometime. Get some rest, if you can. We are on this journey together. It will not be easy, but you will make it. Sometimes, I feel I don't have the energy to do anything. So what you are feeling is quite normal.

Permalink Reply by Victoria (Vicky) Owensby on May 24, 2010 at 8:49pm

Cindy McGregor said:

Dear Victoria,My prayers are with you.I know what you mean about no energy. I think it is because it is the way for your body to take the loss of your husband.I understand the crying part. I dont know what I would do if I could not cry.Sometimes I think I even howl for the pain and misery.I am here if you ever need to write to. I lost my husband in Jan.I share your pain and I will pray for you daily for the strength from God.Your new friend from Indiana Cindy.

Permalink Reply by Victoria (Vicky) Owensby on May 24, 2010 at 8:50pm

Victoria (Vicky) Owensby said:

Cindy McGregor said:
Dear Victoria,My prayers are with you.I know what you mean about no energy. I think it is because it is the way for your body to take the loss of your husband.I understand the crying part. I dont know what I would do if I could not cry.Sometimes I think I even howl for the pain and misery.I am here if you ever need to write to. I lost my husband in Jan.I share your pain and I will pray for you daily for the strength from God.Your new friend from Indiana Cindy.

Permalink Reply by Connie on May 24, 2010 at 9:37pm

Vicky, First let me extend my sincere sympathy to you on the loss of your husband. What you are experiencing is completely normal, or so I am told it is. I lost my husband 6 1/2 months ago and I still have no energy. Somedays it takes so much effort just to get out of bed. When I am awake, I can't sit still but need to keep moving but just don't have the energy to do anything. I have read many books on grieving and they all say that grieving takes so much of your energy that there is not much left. I don't know how long it will be before you feel at all better. I am pretty sure that 3 weeks is not much time gone by. I am seeing my doctor tomorrow because I have not been able to eat either for the last several weeks. Have you seen your doctor since your husband passed? It might be a good idea to see a doctor. I have my husband on my mind all the time. No matter what I am doing or where I am, I think of him and things we used to do together. It hurts so much to lose someone you love and have spent most of your life with. Again, my heart goes out to you because I know what you are experiencing and it is not easy at all. Stay on the site and I am sure that people will be able to offer you some really good ideas. God Bless You.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on May 24, 2010 at 10:48pm

Hi Vicky, so sorry for your loss. Its been 13 months and 8 days since my wife, my pal of 44 years died. A big part of you is gone and you may never be the same again. I died when she died and I am all alone now. It sometimes gets better then you slip again. I have no energy but I do what I have to do. You will need time and only you can handle things and make it thru no matter how long it takes. And, whatever will be, will be. I lost a big part of me and I will never get it back. Just hang in there and go with the flow. We all understand and are here for you. All I can give you is a big hug.

Permalink Reply by Hurting on May 24, 2010 at 11:36pm

Hi Vicky I am so sorry for your loss. It is ONLY three weeks, how can you not grieve you lost your partner of 30 years. Grieving does sap all your energy, I lost my husband on Dec 23, 2009 and I am still hurting. Take care, will keep you in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by judy on May 24, 2010 at 11:59pm

Grief work is hard work. It is very normal to be exhautsted after you do the simplest thing. It would be very unusual if you didn't cry a lot and it will be awhile before you are able to keep your mind off him and the fact that he isn't there. It has been four months for me and my concentration is still shot. Since I have a lot of decisions to make and also do counseling and have to be focused with my clients it is difficult. I think if I could wish for one thing besides having my husband back it would be to have my ability to concentrate back. We were married for 47 years, would have been 48 this coming June. You were married for 30 years, when we have had our mates in our lives for so long it is just hard to believe they are gone. I do believe we will be with them again in Heaven. I will say a prayer for you and hope you keep me updated with how you are doing.
Judy

Permalink Reply by Virginia on May 25, 2010 at 6:49am

Hi Vicky, I'm so sorry for your loss. What you are feeling is very normal this Saturday will be 13 months since I lost the love of my life. We were together 32 yrs., and I still cry everyday. It will take time, and you take all the time you need, not what others think you should need.I will keep you in my prayers, we are all here for each other so stay on the site. Virginia

Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on May 25, 2010 at 9:05am

Dear Victoria,

I am so, so sorry for the death of your beloved husband....and yes, you _will_ have no energy/motivation/desire for quite a while. It will be enough for you to get through a day, sometimes even the next minute - you will want to "cocoon", to retreat, to retire - grief and grieving is REAL WORK and takes TONS of energy!

Even after nearly 11 months, I still have little desire to get out (my husband died on 29 June 2009) - I can go to work (which is a great distraction; I am a database administrator), do errands and go to church - but that is pretty much about it. It takes a lot of motivation for me to go on a walk around the area, or to go out, which I have done very little of since he died.

And - your husband was so young ..... of course you miss him, of course you think about him - his voice, his smell, his comforting ways, snuggling up to him - all kinds of things!

Be very good to yourself - cry as much and as long and as loud as you need to - find someone who will _not_ squirm when you want to talk about him, and who will just sit by you and allow you to cry. Don't feel obligated to do anything; right now, the best and most important thing for you is to grieve your beloved.

Peace, comfort, healing and blessing be upon and with you - Yaca Attwood Perkins

Permalink Reply by Marlena on May 25, 2010 at 9:41am

Vicky,

I am so sorry for your loss. You are so new to this way of life and you are feeling exactly the way you should. I am 14 1/2 months into this journey and I still have no ambition most days. I look around my house and think of all the things that need to be done, but I only do the absolute necessary chores and ignore everything else.

Right now it is important for you to take care of you. Do what you have to do to get through, most importantly feel how you feel. Let it happen and don't try to deny it. I'm not sure if that sounds very comforting, but it's all about baby steps right now.

We are all here to support you.

Take it one step at a time, one breath at a time.

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

Permalink Reply by heather on May 25, 2010 at 11:35am

Hi Victoria I lost my husband 3/26/10 he was only 56 we were married for 9 years and together for 15 years. I too have trouble sleeping at night, Sometimes it's 4 am until I finally sleep but not restfully. My doctor said it's the grieving process and being alone. He suggested a warm bath around 9pm and no caffeine and try to meditate to rest my mind. It has helped some but I also have the bad nights from time to time. It will get better as time passes, and we relearn how to live on our own. I still cry but thats good because it allows you to grieve and release your feelings. Be strong again sorry for your loss too we are here to help thanks