Today at 4:35 p.m. it is twenty five weeks when my husband left me. I just want to translate some lines from a hindi song, " Where do people go after leaving this world? How does someone go about looking for them as they don't even leave any footprints to follow?" Why does it hurt if this was all God's doing why would he cause this intense pain in me? What did I do wrong? Why do I have to hurt like this? How could my husband leave like this? Why didn't he fight to stay here? Why? Why? Why?

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Oh hun, I am so sure he fought his best. Just like my Terry. I too ask myself the same questions. People have told me that God does not give you things you cannot handle. Bull, I say. If that was true people would not take their own lives. They do so because they can't handle it anymore. I think I am still here because I know that at least one of my kids would not mentally and emotionally survive losing their other parent. I think about leaving here all the time but I am also afraid that if I abandon my kids Terry would not come and get me like he promised before he died. Hugs to you.Basia
I understand my husband has been gone 141 days today. I remember after our son died I felt like he had just dropped off the face of the world and where was he? My husband kept telling me we were in too much pain at the beginning to sense his presence. I think that was true because as my pain began to resolve, and it took years I felt much closer to him but I did not want to have to go through such an intense loss again. The absolutely only comfort for me at this point is to feel that they are together and my husband missed Frank so much. You did not do anything wrong except to be a human being in this world. It does hurt terribly. The pain really makes it hard to think straight. I think God's agenda is not our agenda. He does say in the Bible that His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways. I do think He cares about your pain an mine but He also sees the resolution of our pain and we don't. Remember that each day we are one step closer to our mates not one step furthur away. They have gone in front of us we are not leaving them behind.
Hurting I am so afraid to count with each month counting on top I lose myself more. On the 20 is fathers day and on the 25 each month I add another month for Fernando not being here. Basia, the same here I promised my Baby so I am still here just being here. My hubby was in pain with his cancer and I had to watch him nurse him. I know he done his best but we had a pack. WE BOTH GO TOGETHER! He promised, the pain or the emptiness chose. I get both. I look at my children and there I see him. LOVE is a killer. Talking about God, what can I say! My love and I had a discussion we both or him more like it came to the conclusion that when religion emerged it was for entertainment purpose. He had the theory that we loved tails. If someone now would do it would you believe him with all the technologies and the miracles? That is a theory! I believe in a humans ability to achieve something extrodinary for himself and that is something so little we have total happiness. My Baby is/was a mechanic but he also loved poetry, paiting, gardening and philosophy. So intellegent in so many ways. I sit here with a computer instead with my flesh and blood because I am to weak to talk and find the outside live to unfair because they forgot him, so I forget him.


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